My niece nearly broke me today.

[Staywithme]

I've been just about holding it together for the last two years but my niece started crying over my husband today and I thought I was going to break. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer two years ago and I'm trying to hold it together for my quirky little family. My family consists of my husband, two nephews and my wee niece who came to live with us 3 months ago. They're siblings.
We found out three weeks ago that all the meds that he was on to slow down the spread have stooped working so now it's racing through him. According to the consultant it's one of the most aggressive forms of prostate cancer he's ever seen and my poor beautiful husband has it. It's not fucking fair.
My wee niece was kept from us for four years and now that she's home she's going to lose him. She's 19 and has SN and she has to go through this and my boys have to go through this after all they've suffered in their young lives and their bastard parents go on looking after number one. I could scream. Fuck fuck fuck. This is hard. Sorry. I'm rambling. Don't even know why I'm posting. I just need to of load.

I'm so sorry stay. Try to draw strength from his family, they will desperately want to support you as much as they can. Take care and again I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful dh.

I'm so sorry for you and your family Stay. Lean on your husband's family if you can, help eachother

You will get through this Stay. Accept all the help you can and take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time. Anything to get through the coming days. I'm so so sorry this time has come. Xx

Oh, Stay, I've only now read your thread and am so sorry that what you were dreading has happened

I am so sorry for your loss - you are right it is SO unfair.
Wishing you and your wee family nothing but the best for the next few days and the future.

Sincere condolences

Thinking of you stay

I had to call the funeral directors, to put the lid on my poor darlings coffin, tonight. This is the stuff of nightmares. Last night his nose bled but it seemed to stop so I told them not to come out. I fell asleep on the sofa, talking to my darling, only to to wake up to find his nose and eye bleeding and blood on his shirt. They came out and cleaned him. Today he starting getting dark patches and I had to wait until the last visitors left to get them out again. Some family suggested I waited until the morning but I can't imagine what he would look like then and I WON'T remember him like that!

Our children put in photos of happier moments, the boys and MrStay at Pizza Hut, them and him at a close friend's baby christening, my wee girl's (niece) first night with us and her first night out with us. He started wearing hats when the chemo started and he became the 'wee mad in the hat', so his favourite one went in. One sister had earlier put his favourite biscuit, Jaffa cake, in. My wee girl put in a pair of bed socks to keep his feet warm, because he loved them and his feet were too swollen for slippers. They had to be the blue and black ones as that was the colour she remembered and no other colour would do. I put in a flower from my silk wedding bouquet as he wore one on our wedding day and a photo from our wedding and our renewal, after his cancer diagnosis. None of this is religious or tradition but we wanted needed to do it.

Sorry I'm rambling but when I 'talk', I don't have to think.

I'm sorry, I meant to say thank you for all your support, through this.

I'm so very sorry, Stay.

Sending you love and wishing you strength for the difficult days ahead.

Your story is heartbreaking but your love shines through. Keep "talking" if it helps.

How are you today stay?

Stay I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for your DH and your wee family shines through your posts.

I buried my wonderful husband on Monday. It was strange, I couldn't stop crying in the church yet didn't cry at the grave. It didn't feel real. It still doesn't feel real. I'm so lucky to have the kids and animals as they keep me from thinking. Some good friends came from work yesterday to see me and although it was emotional at first, I ended up enjoying their visit. I keep going over all the things I should have done for him. Made more of an effort to keep the house tidy, taken him out for coffee more, sat with him more. I know I was so tired all the time but he was sick and made such an effort to keep going. I know it hasn't hit me yet and I feel sick with fear at what it's going to be like when it does.

I think guilt is always part of it even when realistically we have nothing to feel guilty for.

And I am sure your lovely husband would hate for you to feel guilty.

Ah, Stay, I am so sorry you have to live with this pain, but am glad you have children and animals, friends and family around you.

Don't torture yourself with 'what ifs' and 'I should'ves' - I am sure you did the very best you could for your DH, just as he did for you and your family.

Your grief will be entirely personal to you and it will change over time. Just now, just keep going. Remember to breathe and to eat and sleep when you can - that is all that is required just now.

I'm sorry for your loss op