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Original poster

My niece nearly broke me today.

90 replies

Staywithme · 19/02/2015 00:45

I've been just about holding it together for the last two years but my niece started crying over my husband today and I thought I was going to break. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer two years ago and I'm trying to hold it together for my quirky little family. My family consists of my husband, two nephews and my wee niece who came to live with us 3 months ago. They're siblings.
We found out three weeks ago that all the meds that he was on to slow down the spread have stooped working so now it's racing through him. According to the consultant it's one of the most aggressive forms of prostate cancer he's ever seen and my poor beautiful husband has it. It's not fucking fair.
My wee niece was kept from us for four years and now that she's home she's going to lose him. She's 19 and has SN and she has to go through this and my boys have to go through this after all they've suffered in their young lives and their bastard parents go on looking after number one. I could scream. Fuck fuck fuck. This is hard. Sorry. I'm rambling. Don't even know why I'm posting. I just need to of load.

OP posts:
Original poster
Staywithme · 19/02/2015 22:05

She reassured me tonight that I'll always be family which was lovely to hear. My husband's mum left the family home between them and I'm worried they might expect his share to be handed back to the family. My husband's adamant he wants it passed to me then the kids if it's not sold.
It's stupid the things you think of isn't it? Our local graveyard has just been extended by doing away with some of the paths as it's so full. I was driving past it today and found myself hoping that there would be room for my DH as that's where he wants to be. It's within walking distance. Then I immediately said to myself "NO NO I don't mean I want him to die soon!" as if someone was listening.

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DancingDinosaur · 19/02/2015 22:28

Its nice she said you'll always be family. I had the same conversation with my brother in law last weekend, and it made me feel better. Funny about the graveyard, I drive past our local cemetery most days and find myself thinking the same thing! And imagining how the funeral will be, and who will say what. And what will go wrong . And then thinking the same as you, that I don't want him to die soon, as if someone is listening, even though I haven't spoken!
I hope you don't find there are any issues with the house, although if your sil said you will always be family, then hopefully there won't be.

Original poster
Staywithme · 19/02/2015 22:40

And imagining how the funeral will be, and who will say what. And what will go wrong .

Are you me? Confused[sad smile]

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DancingDinosaur · 19/02/2015 23:01

I reckon most people who are going through this have similar thoughts. I'm sure they do. Its that kind of weird practical way of coping, but goodness, doesn't it sound morbid ShockConfusedGrin

Isabeller · 19/02/2015 23:10

Cyberhugs to you both. I wish you all possible strength and love xx

Original poster
Staywithme · 20/02/2015 00:07

Thank you Isabeller.

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DancingDinosaur · 20/02/2015 00:49

Thanks Isabeller.

Isabeller · 20/02/2015 02:08

Silly o'clock again, thinking of you both . I hope the weekend brings some sunshine and support to you wherever you are xx

BallsforEarrings · 20/02/2015 11:54

I cannot read this and go - I want to send a huge amount of love to you and let you know you are not alone, I can't make it better for you and Dancing but I certainly do wish I could!

I pray you can get a little comfort and relief at times and I will be checking this thread too to see how you are! I am so so sorry this had to happen to you!

Flowers
Original poster
Staywithme · 20/02/2015 22:09

Thank you Balls.
Got back back from the hospice @8. Took DH to the hospital for his 2nd radiotherapy dose. He was in agony last night, crying with the pain. The lovely nursing staff did what they could but nothing helped until the doctors came on duty. They have written him up for intravenous pain relief. The consultant came round to speak to me and apologised as he thought I was wrong when I initially said my husband would be in agony after treatment. He was very humble, but neither my husband or I blame him, as we know he genuinely cares about his patients. He's a lovely kind and patient man.

So the night before the treatment DH was like a very hungry Duracell bunny as he was on such a high dose of steroids. He couldn't sleep and ate all round him. The night after he couldn't sleep for the pain. Hopefully tonight he'll already be asleep. How the hell did people cope before the wonderful hospices?

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Original poster
Staywithme · 20/02/2015 22:10

Gosh, this is starting to read like a diary. ConfusedGrinBlush

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DancingDinosaur · 21/02/2015 11:14

Hope he slept ok. That sounds horrible. Hope the doctors will remember that and listen to you in the future. I know what you mean about the steroids. My dh spends a lot of time sleeping, apart from when he's on the dex, then he's up all night chatting and drinking wine. Its quite nice actually. A glimpse of life and how it was before cancer, when everything was normal.

Original poster
Staywithme · 21/02/2015 14:10

DH had a better night and was pain free when I spoke to him earlier.

A glimpse of life and how it was before cancer, when everything was normal.

That's exactly it. If only that energy lasted Dancing. All the meds they're taking doesn't help the energy levels, but what other options do they have.

I spent the morning moving furniture for family so I'm just heading to the hospice now. I'm hoping DH still has enough energy for me to shower him. I hope your DH has a good day today Dancing and you have a nice weekend together.

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DancingDinosaur · 21/02/2015 14:44

Hope the day goes well for you both too stay.

Isabeller · 23/02/2015 01:19

I hope you got some sunshine at the weekend. Good luck for the best possible week ahead xx

DancingDinosaur · 27/02/2015 23:03

How are you getting on stay? Hope you are ok.

Original poster
Staywithme · 18/03/2015 23:31

He's gone. My beautiful husband is gone. I lay on his bed and held him in my arms as he took his last breath. It's all over. I'll never hold him again. I'll never cuddle up to him on a cold night or talk nonsense over a cup of coffee. He's gone and I can't get him back.

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CiderwithBuda · 18/03/2015 23:35

Oh you poor thing. I am so sorry.

There are no words.

Original poster
Staywithme · 18/03/2015 23:42

I wouldn't wish the suffering that he went through the last two weeks on anyone. The physical and mental agony was horrendous. He suffered until the new meds kicked in late this morning. Even the staff at the hospice were upset. I kept looking at his body and thinking I could see him breath or thinking he would wake up, get off the bed and come home with me. My wee niece is distraught. She says a piece of her is missing. She wants him back. The boys are in shock. It feels surreal.

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Icantstopeatinglol · 18/03/2015 23:53

Stay I am so sorry.

Like the previous post, there are no words but you are all in my thoughts. One of my close friends is going through similar at the moment with her dh and my heart breaks for anyone having to go through this.

All my love Flowers

wishingchair · 19/03/2015 00:01

I'm so sorry stay. It is so unbelievably cruel. My DH has a terminal diagnosis and I muddle through each day trying to prepare myself for it all but knowing I'll never be prepared. Thinking of you all and sending you love xxx

HopSkipCrash · 19/03/2015 00:01

I'm so sorry Flowers

sosix · 19/03/2015 00:06

I'm so sorry for your loss.Flowers

Original poster
Staywithme · 19/03/2015 00:15

I'm so tired but I know when I go to bed I'll not be able to sleep. In N.i. so it's a three day wake with an open casket. How am I going to get through this? He was my strength. He was the one I turned to when I had troubles. How can I do this?

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echt · 19/03/2015 05:49

Very sorry for your loss, Stay. Sorry to see he suffered so much, but glad for you that you were there at the end.

Lots of Thanks for you.