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Not a good day. leukaemia diagnosis.

975 replies

biscuitsandbandages · 14/04/2014 03:44

When I woke up this morning I was a mum of 3 with an 8 week old baby.

Now im a cancer patient on thr coronary care ward.

This cannot be happening to me.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 21/04/2014 18:14

Biscuits....great great news re the phone that will be fab for you and your boys....

Deserts posts just wow.... I'm all welled up again....in a good way.

Thinking of you....hugs xxx

imip · 21/04/2014 18:14

Yy, desert Thanks

Aboyandabunny · 21/04/2014 18:48

Brilliant that you can speak to your boys Biscuits. Thinking of you today. x

biscuitsandbandages · 21/04/2014 19:51

Wow, what a difference a day makes.

Today I have hope of getting back into my garden with my kids like desert so wonderfully has and ive just read my boys a bedtime story each and talked my eldest through finding his pe kit. I feel a bit more like a mummy today :-) a bit more like a person not a write off.

I know there will be bad days and I can feel that well of panic and despair just within dragging distance but im going to try and ignore it and just keep swimming in the other direction.

Im a little worried about a slightly sore throat chemo effect? Early infection or just dry air in here? The nurses are aware and keeping an eye on me.

Thank you for holding my hand. X

OP posts:
fidelineish · 21/04/2014 20:07

V glad to hear you feel more positive and more 'mummy' Smile

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 21/04/2014 20:12

Lovely update biscuits.

I'm so glad that you've found someone else who has been through this and can offer really first hand support.

A phone, bedtime stories...... all important things.

I hope today's revelations make tonight a little easier too, and that tomorrow brings lots more Drs and information.

Xxx

MrsDeVere · 21/04/2014 20:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hazelnut55 · 21/04/2014 20:14

Biscuits we are all so proud of you. You can beat this, but hour by hour and day by day - not in one big swoop. Try to enjoy those special moments with your beautiful dc. I hope your dh has got some support as it will be very tough for him too.

Massive admiration from me for picking yourself up today. xx

pigsinmud · 21/04/2014 20:37

Smile Keep thinking like that. So glad the phone is sorted out for you.

PolyesterBride · 21/04/2014 20:49

Biscuits, I've only just joined this thread but just wanted to post to encourage you to stay strong.

I am a cancer patient too (not the same type as you) and I know the conflict between preparing for the worst (like making memory books or whatever) and believing in getting better. I've done a bit of the former but mainly the latter - a cure is a possibility and you have yo believe you have that chance. Not because a positive attitude will help you 'fight' - I don't believe that at all - but because how else can you think? You will get back home and you will be ok.

Three years ago I was in hospital away from my baby and toddler and they have no memory of that time.

passmethewineplease · 21/04/2014 21:08

Glad to read you had a positive day biscuits :)

zazzabeans · 21/04/2014 21:24

Hi biscuits just came across this thread whilst browsing.
Just want to say keep thinking positive thoughts..... You will be home with your 3 children in no time.

deserttrek · 21/04/2014 22:00

Biscuits

I love that you had a good day. There are some great posts here, Hazelnut55, Janey68 and Brakeover. They are so kind and speak from knowledge.

It will take time. But you (yes, you!) got yourself from where you started today to where you ended up. We all typed a few words, but you had to go through with the reality of ALL, hade to make your own day and with a new born baby in your heart. My prayers are especially for you and her tonight. I love the way you dealt with your boys - real life stuff! They will love you for that.

Big warm smiley cosy feeling radiating from me. Thank you for what you have done today.

ajandjjmum · 21/04/2014 22:02

Hope you have a good night biscuits x

deserttrek · 21/04/2014 22:14

Biscuits

I also meant to say that as to the dry throat, if you are on a drip at the moment that will help, otherwise drink as much as you can. There is no shortcut to water.

I also had ice lollies and ice cream, because the cold numbed the insides and meant I could keep the water down and get a bit of energy. I felt better for that and it tasted good too. Whatever works for you.

Try to get what you want. Ask your Dh what he can bring in.

saffronwblue · 21/04/2014 22:46

Yay for the phone and for a good day. How lovely for your boys to be a able to call Mummy. Hope you are having some sleep now. It is great that desert is here with her generous support of you too.

Spinaroo · 21/04/2014 23:28

Biscuits, am delighted you have the support of Desert and others- you are all am inspiration! Glad to hear you have had some special moments with your children today. Have a good night x

Timetogetserious · 22/04/2014 00:09

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Swex · 22/04/2014 01:11

Morning biscuit. Hope your six year old has a better day. Yes must be difficult finely balancing your emotions but you are doing a great job. Keep fighting. Xx

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 22/04/2014 04:41

Morning! I saw your thread in active convos earlier so popped by to say hi and hope you are getting some much needed rest.

Your children will be missing you as much as you are missing them. And it's so hard to let go of those reins for a bit and trust that daddy does know what he's doing. Your dh will muddle through. Your children may come to see you in mismatched clothes, having eaten nothing but biscuits for breakfast. But so eager to see mummy and tell you all their news.

biscuitsandbandages · 22/04/2014 08:48

Thank you all.
Another difficult night filled with fears but I have managed to at least stay calm.

Woke this morning to a call from my boys. I sent thrm off to get themselves ready for the school run and report back to me so at least I know thry are ready for ny husband to get out of the door.

Then spoke with his class teacher so she is aware of thr situation. So hard to do without crying but they need to know.

I hate explaining this illness. The uncertainty is awful and one of the worst things. I worry people think I am being overdramatic when I point out that while im planning for a cure and a future I also dont have time to waste as there is a very real chance if I get an infection that I will be dead this time next week so there are some things I need to say now and need people to understand.

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 22/04/2014 09:04

Oh biscuits. Just from the way you write on this thread I have no doubt that you are finding the right words for everyone.

Aboyandabunny · 22/04/2014 09:29

Morning Biscuits, I am glad you spoke to the boys before school though it would have been bittersweet to say the least.
I hope you can speak more with consultants etc and gather more info. Sending love and best wishes.

Elibean · 22/04/2014 09:46

'morning, Biscuits. Just another MN voice wishing you strength and everything else you need to get through this....and I'm very glad for you that Desert has seen your thread and posted: yay, Desert.

I know from a past fight with a life threatening condition (not cancer, won't bang on about it) that finding someone who can truly relate, and is out the other side, makes the world of difference. Trying to believe others understand is one thing, knowing they do is another!

I also totally get why telling people 'I may be ok but then again I'm in danger every day' is so hard. Confusing enough for us when we're trying to get our heads around something like that, communicating it to others feels impossible - but I bet, as someone else said, you're communicating very effectively, whatever it feels like.

What Desert says about standing on the shoulders of a raft of expert others is so true...when I started my treatment, I had very poor odds of beating my disease (25% tops). By the time I'd finished a year of treatment, they'd discovered new things, I'd been on a drugs trial, and the odds had changed hugely.

But, just to make you feel better about those dark pits in the night, I did not have a positive attitude about my odds, was full of fear much of the time, always prepared for the worst, and definitely did not fit the profile of 'positive thinking patient'. I still beat the odds. The moral being - just in case you're ever tempted to - never worry about worry Wink

Will be thinking of you daily and holding out a cyber paw.

balenciaga · 22/04/2014 10:07

Op just wanted to check in and say hello, have read some of the thread and think you are so brave. Sending love and strength and praying you get home to your babies soon x Thanks