Coping with change from treatment to palliative care

[SuzySuzSuz]

MIL was diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer approx. 2yrs ago, we're now at the stage that treatments aren't working anymore and we're all trying to accept the shift to palliative care.

I think we're all at different stages of acceptance, this may also change throughout the day really.

MIL is not aware of the timescales which have been mentioned (only immediate family are aware), MIL is adamant that she does not want to know anything but I think she must be aware of the seriousness of the situation. We will, of course, respect her choice and think we'te doing quite well as a family rallying around her.

I guess I was just looking for any experiences or words of wisdom....

Sorry to hear on your MIL. Her not wanting to know the time left is something that puts her in control as the only time we have is the time we live in the present moment. At the stage of illness this is the only thing left. If she has anything unfinished that she would like to do or say to someone or someone to her then this is the moment. You could ask her if there is something she has on her mind about the past she'd like to share.

Palliative care can be a very uplifting time for both patients and families. There are also palliative treatments so it is a wider field than just preparing to die. Not wanting a timeframe can be a positive approach. I have a dear colleague who worked as an anaesthetic consultant up until 8 weeks before she finally lost her 10 year battle with breast ca. Work kept her going. Not having a time frame meant she lived for today. Life she would say is for living.. Every moment. Not wait till tomorrow to change what makes us sad.. But to change today and live today. I miss her terribly. But i will always love her for her strength and courage and her attitude that she was living with ca.. It would not take over .