Can I ask a CP/Name question?

[weegiemum]

Some lovely friends of mine are planning their CP for Christmas-time. Very, very much looking forward to it.

One of the women involved is planning to change her surname by deed poll to that of her partner after the big day.

They have always been very "feminist" and against the "opression" and "patriarchy" of marriage - we had huge discussions about this 15 years ago when I got married (with the one woman I knew then - who is the one who is planning on changing her name now). TO the extent that if I was getting married today I would keep my own name, but as I have been known as Weegie DHUnusualSurname for 15 years it has become part of who I am and I'm not changing back!

It is her choice and I am totally behind her if that is what she wants to do.

But I did wonder how common it was? I know 4 other CP couples, male and female, and none of them have done so.

Hope you don't mind me asking.

I don't know anyone who has changed their name post-CP, though I've heard of a few who have gone the double-barrelled route.

When I (finally) get round to CP, I will keep my own name.

Never occurred to me to change my name and have to say I cringe at the very idea.

I have changed my name - and you don't have to do it by depole as your CP certificate acts like a marriage certificate. I changed my name as we have two children and we all wanted to have the same name.

I think sometimes people just assume we're sisters though!

I know a few people who have changed their name and some who have done the double barrelled thing, and many who have just stayed as they were.

Thanks very much.

I was just interested really - not something I had come across before. I didn't think it happened.

When we had our CP I took my partners name. One of the main reasons was that we knew we wanted to have children and that I would be the bio mum. Therfore, it was really important for my partner that the child would have her name if not her genes. She felt like that was her contribution to our family and her way of carrying on her family line if you like. I also really like having a married name, it just feels right and good for me. Everyone is different though and we know several other couples in CP's who have kept their own names. Even one couple who had both been married before and kept their ex-husband's names (hmm)

I do get it if having children together. Sorry if I came across as rude!

No, no

I think it's just one of those things that's very individual and there is no right or wrong. It's nice that we can feel free to do whatever feels 'right' as a couple.

Just like Ellabella, we decided we wanted us both to have the same surname (hers) so that our kids would share the same name as both of us and because we assumed that I would be the one to carry, she would at least get to bring the name to the family if not the genes. As it happens we ended up going down the slightly complicated route of ivf - her egg being implanted in me - for our dd (18months old) and now i'm preggers again (33 weeks) with dc2 who is from my egg. So it all got a bit mixed up anyway!

Weirdly, when I was younger (and thought I was straight) I was absolutely certain that I would never change my name when I got married. Marrying a woman didn't bring out quite the same feminist impetus in me though!

And anyway, she's got a much nicer surname than me

Our consultant had similar questions, wondering why we wanted to go down the most complicated route possible! Basically, it was always a given that I would carry at least one (I'm younger, always wanted to carry, not making as much money as dp, etc). We did consider dp carrying our first but while she wasn't keen on the actual carrying part, she realised she really wanted to have a try to produce a child she had a genetic link to. So we had enough money squirreled away to give ivf a try twice, agreeing beforehand that if it didn't work we would then move to the more simple, cheaper version of iui.

Getting into sync was no prob - we just had to go on the pill together for a few weeks (although weirdly that month we started our periods on the same day for the first time in years!). And the cost of the ivf was the same because we were simply sharing the drugs. They sort of treated her like she was the egg donor. And then we were just damn lucky. Dp only produced 3 eggs, one didn't fertilise and the other 2 were put in me. Both took but then one stopped growing at 6 weeks. And the other one became dd!

Sorry, a bit long-winded. But that's the story

Thanks RA - we were thrilled (if that isn't a complete understatement!). Amazingly enough I conceived first time with both the ivf and the iui. My sister jokingly pointed out that it was lucky I wasn't a slapper when I was a teenager because I would have had a house full of kids (obviously I'm referring to having boyfriends not girlfriends). Mind you, our donor also likes to point it out (often) that the clinic said he had 'super sperm' - they didn't put it in quite those terms but that's his story and he's sticking to it!

You must have your hands full at the moment! Congrats on the little one! How old is DS1?

6 weeks tomorrow, and counting...