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A little advice please?

60 replies

mananny · 23/07/2008 18:31

Ok, in a nutshell one of my best friends and I have been what would appear to be crazily flirting with each other. I've never been attracted to a woman before, but I am to her. It has suddenly hit me like a bolt from the blue that maybe a relationship with her is an option. Neither of us have talked about this but I think we will have to soon as other people have made some comments to me about "us" and if they see something there then maybe there is iyswim. I'm really scared as I don't want to ruin our friendship. But sometimes she just looks at me like she wants to say something then I just blush like mad and the moments gone. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this, as I really don't know what to do/say! Its so much easier telling a guy how you feel, even if it ends in him running for the hills. I wouldn't know where to begin with her, even though we see each other and talk all the time. Its so scary and new to even think about this. Help!

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Turniphead1 · 23/07/2008 18:48

Are you single? Is she gay?

mananny · 23/07/2008 19:02

We are both single. She's not gay as far as I know, although we do have some mutual gay friends whatever that means. We spend quite a lot of time together, for various reasons. I've got constant butterflies now that I've put this into black and white.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 19:22

Can you explain the 'crazy flirting'?

mananny · 23/07/2008 19:34

Sure, I'll try. There's lots of laughing, eye contact, tactile behaviour and leaning in, if I touch my hair she does the same. Lately ive caught her just looking at me pretty intensely to the point i just blush like mad and can't say anything. The body language is all there, so much so that if she was a guy I probably would have said something by now even if I ended up looking a fool. But because she's a girl and one of my best mates I'm reluctant to say anything. But there have been comments from a mutual friend who has said to me very recently so what's with you and this other girl then? I love spending time with her and we just get on so well, and now I am attracted to her and don't know what to do next.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 19:38

what are your feelings towards her? Just very good friends or something more?

mananny · 23/07/2008 19:50

I don't really know what my feelings are tbh. I know I love her (non sexually) and am attracted to her so that could change. Its such a huge thing to contemplate, my brain hurts thinking about it. But at the same time it does almost feel logical that something could happen. I've not felt this about a girl before so I'm trying to get over the "what would everyone else say" thing. I know I need to talk to her but am scared to incase I ruin our friendship, but also incase she feels the same way I do. I mean really at the moment we spend so much time together its almost like we are already in a relationship of sorts. I don't think much would change if we were to just say we are a couple. We would just add the physical stuff to the mix. That prospect scares me a little but more for reasons of my own personal neuroses about myself.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 19:54

Can I ask how old you both are and have you ever had these feelings before?

mananny · 23/07/2008 20:03

We are both just into our 30s. I've not had these feelings before thus the mild state of panic LOL.

Thanks for asking all these questions though, its really helpful to try and think things through as i am answering them.

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mananny · 23/07/2008 20:05

I am stopping traffic 20 miles away with my blushing but I should add I have lately had a few dreams/fantasies about her and that's never happened before.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 20:06

Have you got AOL or MSN messenger?

mananny · 23/07/2008 20:11

yep cat me and I'll give you details.

Can I just be nosey and ask if you're gay/ in a gay relationship? I guess you must be given you're on this topic but I'm just a bit wary of hairy truckers named dave getting off on my predicament LOL.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 20:13

Gay and in a relationship. Sorry for being thick, what does cat me mean?

mananny · 23/07/2008 20:18

there's an envelope on the blue strip by my name, I think if you click that you can send me a message. Hang on i will try and send you one.

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sophiesmiles · 23/07/2008 20:19

I can't send you one because it says you won't accept messages from other members

mananny · 23/07/2008 20:22

I just realized I haven't paid the fiver this yr! Ok well here's my email addy, but my MSN is under my real name so I don't want to put that on here. If you can email me then I'll tell you it? Thanks so much massnanny at yahoo dot com

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mananny · 23/07/2008 20:47

Am on MSN now but will have to go in about 10 mins. Please keep in touch

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stripeywoollenhat · 23/07/2008 21:08

obviously this is the kind of situation which is easiest to sort out when slightly drunk. in my experience, anyway. as i recall... (old married lady now)

mananny · 23/07/2008 23:43

I am going round to hers tonight for a couple of beers and to discuss a road trip we are doing soon. Might be a good opportunity to ask what the dickens is going on.


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stripeywoollenhat · 24/07/2008 11:19

hope quaking boots didn't get in way, and situation explored to your satisfaction

seriously, hope it works out, and if not, hope it works out that you can stay friends

mananny · 24/07/2008 12:41

Thanks stripeywoollenhat

Didn't end up talking for long (enough) as I chickened out after 2 beers and said I had to go home and do laundry (WTF???!!! aaaaghhh I'm useless!!!)

So we hit the road first thing saturday. Shouldn't be awkward at all LOL.

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stripeywoollenhat · 24/07/2008 14:10

you know you won't be able to go home and do laundry (!) when you're on a road trip, right?

mananny · 24/07/2008 14:49

Oh jeeeeeez don't I know it. Its a 3hr drive to where we are going. You know I wasn't at all nervous about any of this til I thought about what might or might not be going on.

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hester · 24/07/2008 22:06

No advice from me, I'm afraid - it's sooooo long since I was in your situation I think my flirting muscles have atrophied. But GOOD LUCK and let us know how the roadtrip goes!

Dottydot · 24/07/2008 22:12

ooh - just seen this thread - how's it all going?!

Definitely a few drinks would be a good idea - but not too many...

Are there any other women at all you find attractive - that you could drop into the conversation so she clicks that this might be an option?

Very tricky when it's a new experience for both of you - although this happened to a friend of mine - met a woman and although they had both been straight up until that point, they've now been together for 10 years and have had 2 ds's together!

Good luck and keep us posted

mananny · 24/07/2008 22:28

Hi dotty thanks for your reply

The roadtrip is this weekend aaasggghhhhhh ....

Maybe the whole which actor and actress would you and wouldn't you could be a way to get onto the subject. God knows we will have hours to kill!!!! Trouble is we are driving so no Dutch courage there unless I wait til the evening. Maybe that would be better?

I just don't know what/how to say anything????

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