A little advice please?

[mananny]

Ok, in a nutshell one of my best friends and I have been what would appear to be crazily flirting with each other. I've never been attracted to a woman before, but I am to her. It has suddenly hit me like a bolt from the blue that maybe a relationship with her is an option. Neither of us have talked about this but I think we will have to soon as other people have made some comments to me about "us" and if they see something there then maybe there is iyswim. I'm really scared as I don't want to ruin our friendship. But sometimes she just looks at me like she wants to say something then I just blush like mad and the moments gone. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this, as I really don't know what to do/say! Its so much easier telling a guy how you feel, even if it ends in him running for the hills. I wouldn't know where to begin with her, even though we see each other and talk all the time. Its so scary and new to even think about this. Help!

wish i could advise you on what to say, but sadly have no idea. the first woman i was ever with was gay and i kissed her without much conversational warning, as i recall, but i knew she was gay, so that's not much help, i guess.

would you wouldn't you might at least clarify whether she has ever considered being with a woman as well as letting her know you've thought about it, which might help.

good luck, anyway! (and please do let us know how it goes!)

Thanks stripeywoollenhat. I'm just going to have to take a deep breath and say something. I'm am the worlds biggest procrastinator and if I don't do something right now it generally takes months to get done LOL. I read my and her horoscopes for tomorrow and it's quite freakily spot on (changes/new starts in relationships, trust yourself and your judgements as others do, beginning of new phases in personal life) so either it will go to plan (not that I have a plan, far from it, I have NO idea what will happen!) or it will be a very long and quiet roadtrip. But I don't the second option will happen really as I'm hoping even if she laughs at me that we can just keep being friends. I mean we have a couple of years very good friendship behind us and it would be a terrible things to lose.

If anyone has any last minute courage boosting tips (that don't involve a liter of vodka) I would love to hear them! I leave first thing tomorrow and may or may not update while I'm on the road. But OMG. I need Valium LOL.

(But if I'm honest I'm also just a teensy bit excited about it all too )

Well I find you can't go wrong with an Angelina Jolie conversation - I'm sure most women find her attractive on some level (or is it just me )!

Good luck!!!

And I'm sure that even if it doesn't go how you want it to, you'll be able to keep your friendship going - sounds like you're very close anyway - but fingers crossed it turns into something more....

Alcohol, you NEED alcohol.

I know charlie. But I don't think first thing saturday a.m is the best time to get sh*tfaced LOL as much as I'd like to!

I don't think I'll be at my most eloquent at that time of morning anyway. Would be a thousand times easier if she were to say something to me rather than the other way round. I'm a far better responder than instigator.

In response to angelina. I wouldn't, actually. Sandra Bullock maybe, or Meryl Streep I have weird taste.

OMG how can you not want to shag Angelina?!

Sorry - just seen Wanted and she's fab in bizarre action films. Mind you, James McAvoy was also more than OK...!!

ha-Team Aniston here.

Can relate to your dilemma- had a boyfriend when I met dw. We've been together for 10 years now, so it seems like another life.

Very dramatic at the time.

I'd do it either when you get there and in a more relaxed setting (you don't want to be stuck in car with a weird atmosphere). Or even better when you get back, so that if it goes either way, you can both get away to think about it. If you in each other's pockets it will force the situation unless that is what you want.

I'm with a guy who I was very close friends with and though it wasn't a gay thing, I found it really hard to speak to him when I realised it was more, couldn't look him in the eye, and had huge trouble kissing him as I had this... but its my old friend x thing going on. Even with strong physical attraction its a bit of a head f**k as you can see them both ways. Like one of those pictures that can be two things depending how you look.

OMG I love James, in Last King Of Scotland he's hotter than a hot thing. Even though his character was stupid.

I think Tomb Raider ruined Angelina for me. That whole movie was monumentally stupid.

I just changed my FB profile pic and she sent a message saying how much she likes the new pic. How much do I read into that LOL.

All this is turning me into a paranoid wreck.

Charlie I have been "straight" my entire life so far and this is the first time I've fallen for a girl. Like you say, its pretty dramatic and really a lifechanging moment when I think about how I'd never thought of it as an option but now I do. Its also exactly like you say 4liitlefeet, I see her both ways. One minute we are in the pub crying with laughter over something stupid, and she's my best friend and all's right in the world. The next second there's eye contact and I'm redder than a red thing thinking I could kiss her. Aaasggghhh.

Its so simple and so bloody complicated.

I would with Angelina and I'm not even gay

Lol hughjarssss!!!

God I lurve Angelina

It could be fabulous- I certainly never looked back!

So, the chocolate consumption has begun in preparation for tomorrow. Plus 2 glasses of vino. Will finish the bottle no doubt. Am so nervous but excited but terrified.

Her FB thing to me just now says she doesn't care which sex and the city girl she is like (I did a stooopid quiz and included her in on it), in fact she thinks she's more like Mr Big but without the eyebrows... what does that mean????!!!! Am going to ask her once I've had another glass. Maybe that'll start a convo.

I hate to keep harking back to it but if this was a guy I would have at least done the embarassing what the heck lets go on a date thing already. Now I'm just thinking far too much. I need to turn my brain off, anyone know where the off switch is? (would be useful for my 2.5yr old twin charges too LOL)

perhaps silence is a good sign...?

mananny..?

I reckon mananny's gone away for a few days?? We'll just have to keep bumping the thread!

No update yet. Spent most of the car journey just laughing and random chatter. Who knows how it'll go, if indeed it will go, tonight. When we checked into the hotel the receptionist said "one king or two queens?" (meaning bed sizes) and we both cracked up laughing and said two queens (cos we are the dancing queens LMAO (yes I know its cheesy and sad but when abba comes on we go mental)) so seperate beds... Am now getting ready to go out for a few drinks and dinner on the seafront. Might update later if I can.

BUT To throw a spanner in the works my ex just emailed to say he is coming over soon for a weekend. I was CRAZY in love with him but we split when I moved away. Now he's wanting to Talk. I don't know if I want to talk but I'll probably see him anyway.

My head is spinning with it all.

Ugh.

I wouldnt worry about the not fancying someone of the same sex before. I really didnt know i was gay until i was in my early twenties, unlike my partner wh knew when was 8 lol! I believe that a persons sexuality can be fluid and sometimes you just fall for a person and gender plays no role in that. So just go with the flow!!

Good luck and keep us posted

So.... we had a semi-talk...

Basically she, like me, is trying to figure herself out and to put a label/status on what is going on scares her too much. So we've agreed to just let things carry on as normal and whatever happens happens and there's no pressure/expectations. I am happy with that as I really didn't feel ready for a full on relationship as such, I am just enjoying "us" and she said the same. She said she felt something too and its not her first time having feelings for another woman. We did laugh til we nearly vomited about the whole thing (hysterical nerves and too much vodka LOL) but things were good.

Am back in the city now and back to work tomorrow so won't see her really for a few days now as we both have plans. Thats probably a good thing, as there's lots to just absorb and deal with. But basically it's all ok and maybe things will progress, who knows. I'm just relieved beyond belief that the friendship looks like its going to remain intact.

Thanks for all your advice, it's good to have somewhere to come to talk about this as I really can't bring it up in RL with many people!

ooh - sounds good! The best thing is that it sounds like whatever happens, you've got a wonderful friend there.

Why do 'ex'es always make an appearance at crucial times..? Have you got any children with him - do you have to see him? Maybe it'll be good - a chance to re-assess how you feel about him and will put another viewpoint on everything (although I can also see how your head would be spinning).

Take care and hope all carries on going well with your friend - will be keeping fingers crossed things progress

I have a feeling we've not heard the last of this one

Do keep in touch and let us know how you get on, mananny.

mananny, good luck with it! let us know how it goes.

Thanks everyone

So, I am off for a month now with my employers to their beach house (it's a hard life I lead LOL) so I won't be seeing her for at least most of that time as she'll be working back in the city. Things are a bit weird today, I think it's me really, I am so stressed about getting everything ready to go. I'm really going to miss her and even though there's the phone, net, etc it's not the same. It's suddenly all become real if you see what I mean and here I am scampering off to another part of the country for a month and I wonder if it'll all change while I'm away.

So I'm listening to depressing music, and looking despairingly at all the piles of stuff around my room. I feel like a lovesick teenager.