Don’t know what to do

[WalterHWhite]

My DS has just told me he is trans and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been an avid reader of the FWR boards for a while and this has blindsided me. I am gutted and don’t really know what being trans means if I’m honest. Apart from the obvious.

I don’t believe in the ideology and have strong feelings about the importance of biological sex.
He’s 18 and found it very difficult to tell me, has sworn me to secrecy (you are all I can tell) for now.

Apologies if this is disjointed. I am so upset but trying to be strong for him (pretend really). I don’t know what to do. Try and convince him it’s all nonsense, encourage a therapist or both of those?

Think I need someone to chat to about and some advice. I’m not sure I can do this. Thanks

What I don't understand is how I have to accept this? Let's say this is gender dysphoria, surely I should be getting him some help with that not just going along with whatever he says.

I mean I'm the one who knows the reality and yet I have to be educated on this stuff. Can anyone help me with this please?

Sorry to hear that @WalterHWhite

At 18+ it's very easy to get hormones privately. There are online private organisations that will prescribe. My DC uses GenderGP who are based abroad so there is absolutely no legal comeback, one of DC's friends uses GenderCare which AFAIK is at least UK based. You can google their websites to find process and prices.

GenderGP works on the US-style "informed consent" model and having autism does not count against it. GenderGP is ideologically and financially driven and they will not explore the question "is this right for me in the long term" with your child. They check if your child ticks a couple of boxes (even quite minor boxes) for gender dysphoria from a diagnostic list and consents to medication (or anything else they offer) and then away they go. It took a few weeks. GenderGP do require blood tests at intervals, at least to begin with.

My DC was financially independent and living away from home so we have no real say. DC has had no counselling, no exploration of underlying issues. DP and I were not able to persuade DC to delay long enough for fertility preservation (which they could have had on the NHS)

I knew several transsexuals about 30 years ago. They were all more than 10 years older than my DC, mostly starting hormones and about to have surgery and pleased about it in ways I didn't really understand, and the one I'm still in contact with is still pleased many years later. But society is very different now. I educated myself and it's not made me feel any better.

Sorry I can't bring better news. Genspect and Bayswater have contacts for parent support groups. The hardest thing to accept as parents is how little we can do. Love our children and soldier on.

Is there anyone you'd like to talk to about it, a DH/DP, your mum, sister? Or your own GP - you could do that in confidence, nothing to do with what happens to your DC?

Can you challenge this control of you and "swearing to secrecy" now he's talking about actions not just feelings? If he changes his name and starts on hormones (etc) then everyone is going to know about it and you don't want to end up stuck in a corner with just him and unable to talk about it to anyone else.

I'm going to have to talk to someone. His father and I don't live together (haven't for some years) and he is not going to deal with this well at all. My DM is old and slowly declining. She wouldn't know what I meant love her. I do have friends that I can cry to so will do that today. I'm telling my older son that I don't feel very well.

I started another thread on the feminism board on someone's suggestion as I was so upset this morning.

He started work a few months ago and I'm so gutted that it may be spent on this shit instead of other, healthier things.

Very likely that may be why he has been targeted by these monsters