Who, just to make the whole confusing mess even worse, is half my age.
I've always identified as straight. All my previous relationships have been with men, and I've been with the same one for almost two decades now. We are not unhappy - we make a great team - and we have two gorgeous children. So why can't I get this woman out of my head?
I've known her for just over a year now, we've been working on a contract together, which overran because of lockdown and is now coming to an end. I just adore her. I've never felt like this about anyone - in all my previous relationships I've felt like I was the one in control, like they always wanted me more than I wanted them. This time I feel like i could just fall at her feet and worship her. Yes, I realise that's hyperbole.
I could and was ignoring it, on the grounds that why on earth would a beautiful, talented young woman be interested in me, but lately she's started to do things that make me think she is. We've been spending more time together, and she's asked if we can create an independent project together once this ones over. She said "I think we'll make something really rather spectacular together". Then on Friday we went for a drink and a bit to eat after work, and when she was leaving she kissed me. Not a snog, nothing massively inappropriate - just a press of her lips to mine. I can't stop thinking about it. About her.
I really don't know how to get over this. And I have to get over it. I can't act on it. I'm married, I would never hurt my family like that. And she deserves so much more than I can give her.
I don't know why I'm posting. Suspect I'm going to be given a hard time. But I've no one else to talk to, and I feel like I'm going mad.