Bullying at school

[leonagrey115]

Hello,

I'm looking to adopt with my wife. We've been together 3 years, & adopting is what we both want to do. We're concerned about our children being bullied, for having two mummies, how does everyone deal with bullying at school? Is it a big issue?

for reading this.

Honestly I think that children will always find something to bully other children about.
Giving your child the skills to deal with any negative remarks/bullying and being proactive with the school if anything arises would be my best advice.
My children's friends never had issue with them having two mums, one was bullied over something completely different but the school dealt with it through their anti bullying policy pretty quickly thankfully.
We have brought books into my DD's pre school around alternative families and they have been very proactive in giving the message that there are all kinds of families.
Best of luck adopting btw :)

I agree with you . I was bullied at school constantly for being geeky, shy & small. I'm just concerned that the bullying would be more intense for a child who has same-sex parents.

We are fortunate to be in a comfortable situation financially, so we could send him/her to a private school to help alleviate some of my worries on this.

Thanks for telling me about your experience

No problem. Though don't be so sure private school= less homophobic. Look for a school that has a culture of inclusiveness and acceptance!

Have you seen this new thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/gay_parents/2018500-Thinking-about-adopting-concerned-about-discrimination

I added my thoughts on there, for what they're worth!

We have 2 children and will be putting them through private schools. It will mean we sacrifice other things , new cars etc, but it's worth it. It's not to say the children there will be any different from state schools but classes are smaller, 14 with a teacher plus 1 assistant in our case, so they'll hopefully keep on top of it. Also by going private you can chose the school and interview them about their policy etc.

Me and my lady have just had a baby, but I'm not as worried about the bullying as it was a fairly well known thing that my mum was gay when I was in school and tbh kids found other stuff to bully me about. I can only remember one incidence of it happening, in fact, and despite the fact it was over 10 years ago the school were very proactive in suspending the boy in question and I don't remember it happening again. In primary school, the other children barely questioned it - they tend not to understand being bigots until secondary school, when it's much more rigorously challenged - and children of gay parents also understand better that the problem is with other people, not their family.

I have a 9 year-old DD (from a previous marriage, so a slightly different situation to yours). She's had a few situations at school, but nothing I'd say even comes close to bullying. Not yet anyway. TBH, the school have been excellent in dealing with anything that has come up.

We're arming our daughter with the vocabulary to deal with questions she's bound to get and also teaching her that some people just won't get it (she's had the 'but your mum just CAN'T have a girlfriend' thing a couple of times). She's comfortable and happy and is truly amazed that some people actually think we're doing something wrong.

That may change when she gets to high school, I think that's when other kids will really start to pick up on our family situation being different to majority. But then, as now, we'll give her the knowledge to deal with it. And I will be speaking to the High School before she starts to sound out their methods of dealing with anything that might crop up.

So, in rambling answer to your question, I don't think it's a big issue. But pre-empting it and giving your child(ren) the knowledge and support to handle it if it does happen is the best way to deal with it.

I can give you this from a child's perspective. My mum had me and my sister whilst married to my dad but realised something was up with that (brought up in v religious family so different never occurred to her). I was nine and everyone at primary school was absolutely fine except my best friends mum(best freind thought it was cool). she wouldn't let me round etc but otherwise I really don't remember any issues. By high school no-one really brought it up, I think I got the odd nasty comment and stinky look but like the above my mums had taught me how to deal with it, I got more for being from the posh school (I wasn't I went to state school all the way through but the primary was a bit posher than other's in the area and then went to a fairly rough but excellent high school.)

I was always proud of my mum and to this day would not hear a bad word said (except maybe about her cooking). I feel that a strong loving environment really helps, my mum, my step mum and dad have been amazing figures in my life and I can't wait to give them their first grandchild.

dazedconfused that's so nice to hear. People keep asking how we've found parenting as gay parents and I keep saying it's fine, but reading your post made me realise that actually, I've just said that because I don't really know any different, and actually I do spend a lot of time worrying about future bullying in school.
And it also made me reminded me of reading a comment made by a child psychologist somewhere, it's the quality of parenting that is important, not the gender of the parent. So thanks for the child's perspective and for that bit of reassurance!