How can I support my AroAce child amid family tension?

[UndeadPig]

My child just came out to me, saying they are AroAce. I didn't know what that meant, so I was a bit confused and didn't know what to say. I just said I support you no matter what. However, when they told my husband, he was less supportive, saying, "You simply haven't found the right person yet." My child was distraught, and now I don't know what to do. There is so much tension in the house. They refuse to see each other any more, and we can't even have a family dinner anymore. If anyone has any experience, please let me know what to do.

Im asexual aromantic myself as I found after trying marriage number 3 and failing.
Its not LGBT as far as Im concerned and I dont know why everyone has to "come out" all the time.
If you dont feel romantically attached to anyone so what? Why do you need support? Just get a cat and get on with your happy single life.
I have 2 cats and friends and a child who is grown up now and Im very happy.
Why do we need labels for all our feelings.

It depends how old your child is surely. If they are 40 and never been attracted to anyone it's probably not a phase. If they are 10 then its totally normal.

This

ive discovered the phrase ‘That’s nice dear’ really quite late in my life and am finding it completely brilliant in so.many.situations

Try it, it really works

I don’t think it’s helpful to label oneself. I didn’t like anyone romantically until I was around 18. Because I didn’t like plump and spotty boys! But I liked how they looked later on! I think it’s normal not to feel attracted to boys in general until they go through puberty! She mustn’t make decisions now as our feelings do change over time.

My child cane out as bisexual, they were 13. I was nit supportive.

Being unsupportive did not help.

Have a word with your husband. He doesn't need to agree, just not cause arguments and tension.

If tour child does change her mind, she won't be talking to your dh.

Your dh needs to give his head a wobble.

His behaviour is only likely to entrench your daughter feelings, IMHO.

Love this! I was about to say …. Christ that’s me

Turn off the Wi-Fi and stop paying for your child’s phone

I don't think this is something anyone needs to come out about, is it? Or are people in your family asking them about their love life?

You do know there’s no such thing as an ‘arrow ace’ child.
You don’t have to support her she’s not getting those sexy feelings. She won’t be getting them towards you anyway so just let her be.

Choose your child over your hubby.

Oh. She’s one of them 🙄🙄🙄

Frankly it's a made up situation anyway. How old is your child?

Your kid doesn't have to fancy anyone, it's OK to feel that way but slapping a made up label on it is a farce.

How you approach it from here depends on the ages involved.

Youve been married 3 times you must have been sexually or romantically attracted to do that? Otherwise whats the point?

Not sure why you think labeling is a bad idea. If you'd had the words for been AroAce sooner then maybe you wouldn't have kept trying to push yourself into relationships.

I knew I was Ace as a teen and it made me feel very different when they were all giggly and flirting with boys and I had no interest. Having a label helped me know there were people like me and made me feel more 'normal'.

Completely agree and understand OP’s problem. My sister is AroAce and was very confused as a teenager, not knowing about asexuality and constantly putting herself in risky situations to figure herself out. I remember when I heard about it, I just sudddenly knew that was her and asked her if she had heard the term. She hadn’t but googled and then understood herself better, stopped doing stupid things and really grew into herself. The internet can be a good resource!

OP, you need to speak to your husband to understand what his problem is. The one thing I’ve discovered through my sister is just how expensive being single by choice is!

There does seem to be a need for labels among the younger generation. One is "demiaroace"; my reaction to that one being explained was "isn't that just normal?"

Frankly, I find it difficult to see why anyone would object to their teen being aroace. The main thing is not to react with "it's a phase", because if they feel they have to defend it, they will find it harder to change course later.

(My DD was aroace for a few years.)

I don’t blame your DH for rolling his eyes at that, but it’s best for him to say “whatever makes you happy darling” and forget about it.

Take all the drama out of it.

Agree with this 💯
I found adolescence very hard because I didn't fancy boys or girls

your husband might be right, or might be wrong. But it’s really no big deal either way.

You’re asking for advice but not giving enough information.

I'm aro ase, I'm 48 so it wasn't that I spent too much time online or was going through a phase any other nonsense people have said. I knew I was different when I was about 13 and got even more confused as time went on, I finally discovered asexuality when I was in my mid 20s. I'm so pleased young people nowadays don't have to go through what I did.

If your child is an actual child then that’s fine and normal.

If your child is an adult… why the hell are they announcing this to their parents!?

Maybe your husband is right, maybe he’s not, but either way this is your child’s private business and really not for anyone else to comment on surely!?

Have they had a full hormone panel to make sure they are healthy? If they are healthy, why does anyone care? Your husband should apologize and explain he didn't understand.

How old is your child OP? Several posters have asked and it might help with answers that might help.

Asexual isn't 'coming out', it's a state of mind. Why does everyone need a label now? There is so much drama over the simplest things.