Dc says they want hormone therapy

[Windtunnel]

My DC 14 has been out for about a year, was born female. We've been OK about it, trying with pronouns etc. They've been a lot happier since.

However my DH has said dc has mentioned wanting to take hormones.

What do I do now? Happy to have discussion and keep it open. I dont want to block, also equally dont want to lead them down "that' road too fast.

We can't necessarily afford private therapy. Take them to the GP?

Experiences and suggestions welcome, thank you vv much

Start with GP and they will make referral for counselling. I think you have to have that first prior to starting with hormone treatment , it’s really to check you are sure what you want and are aware of any drawbacks

Thanks @Wibbly1008

Please look into the side effects of taking cross sex hormones. Some of them are very worrying. And definitely a bad idea at 14! (Is that even allowed?)

@TheMarzipanDildo no I don't think it is allowed! It's just guidance on how to respond I'm after really. If you deny/ignore that can be harmful, as can paying £££ for therapy whichay or may not be affirmative (which in turn or may not be good...) just a bit at sea!

@CrossStichQueen thank you. GP will be a constructive option to offer if they bring it up again.

We can't necessarily afford private therapy. Take them to the GP?

Procrastinate, delay, finally take to the Gp, find out waiting list is x number of years.

and I reckon during that long period of waiting… the moment will pass!

Do not let on for a nano second that paying privately is possibly an option.

Delay, procrastinate, drag your feet, smiling and nodding the entire time.

i would wager this will pass and all being well in 20 years the two of you, you and you daughter that is, will chuckle at the memory.

@Goodgrief82 yes whilst being supportive! Wise advice.

I dont want to block

no need to “block”

but sure as heck no need to facilitate

Hormone “therapy” sounds so gentle and vague. Giving opposite sex hormones to a growing teenage girl is a major intervention and can cause permanent long term consequences, many of which we can’t know the full extent of as this is the first generation to be experimented on in this way.

She is incredibly young, I would do everything to support her emotionally, do things as a family and have her do active things such as sport, dancing, hiking, martial arts, anything that uses her body in a positive way that is not focused on her gender or biological sex but just about being alive and comfortable in her body. And keep her off social media and monitor what else she is looking at. A young teen should not be wasting a life staring at a handheld computer.

it will probably take about 6 months to get a GP appointment anyway. Will try and make them feel loved and supported whilst not tackling head on, smiling and nodding.

They havnt actually mentioned it to me yet anyway.

It's almost impossible to get cross sex hormones and blockers in this country fit under 18s and rightly so. All the clinics are basically on a pause as they were 100% unfit for purpose. I have no idea why anybody would support somebody they love to change their body with hormones and surgeries when therapy can remedy it. Crazy. The entire world is waking up to the fact that trans "medicine" should be intensive therapy and not hormones that your body was never designed to have. In five/ten years time the people complicit with sterilising children will be held accountable.

Are you aware if this is happening in her social group/at school? What is she accessing on line as this can help you understand why your child feels this way.

Never for an under 18.

@glasshole have you been in this situation? I feel like I'm on a tightrope right now. Parents and kids are falling out about this everywhere. It needs sensitive handling, my dc is at a difficult age and stage.

Please do your research first - our GP tried to push DD to cross sex hormones even when she said she didn't want them . Transgender Trend www.transgendertrend.com and Bayswater Support Group www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ are both good. Genspect genspect.org/ has some real facts on this (a rarity on this topic) if you like numbers.

Remember that children are very likely to detransition (there is a Reddit group with 42,000 detransitioners on it), that many seriously believe breasts will grow back after being amputated, that T magically turns you into a boy with no side effects and that transitioning will solve all their problems. They won't, it doesn't and it definitely won't.

The best advice I've seen on here is to work on your relationship with your DD quite outside the trans issue. Take up a sport together, watch films, do fun stuff. For pity's sake don't push her down the medical route. She needs you to be the grown up here because she can't be. Fortunately the interim Cass Review has been very helpful, but there's still plenty of siren voices out there which could destroy her. Please don't let them.

@CrossStichQueen yes happening to others at school, they've probably been accessing trans positive stuff online. They're quite sensible and level headed so hopefully nothing awful.
We can't stop them doing that though I think . That would be red rag to a bull amd back them in to a corner they cd never get out of imo.

I agree it does need very sensitive handling but you also need to make sure that you parent and safeguard your child.
I cannot stress enough that you must be honest and factual with your child but be compassionate to how they are feeling. This will be better handled once you explore why they feel this way.

We can't stop them doing that though I think . That would be red rag to a bull amd back them in to a corner they cd never get out of imo.

No but you can offer up more resources to read and include detransistioner stories if possible. The FWR board while it can be a bit scarey at first has a wealth of knowledge and I am sure they could help with links to expand your childs trans knowledge so she is nor just reading affirmation only info.

@Igmum how awful your GP did that! At least the waiting list is loooong.
Can't do much together as they "hate" me (not 100%, i am just inherently uncool) but have been trying with 1 on 1 day trips to local arty venue, also we could increase access to a hobby they enjoy (by which I mean pay more £).

I would never push them down the medical route don't worry.

@CrossStichQueen I'll take a look at FWR thank you. My dc can sense any manipulation though and does a very good arched eyebrow and 'terf' comment.
I'll just get informed and be honest.
And blame the waiting lists 😃

Very luckily DD said no. I did point out to the GP that she really shouldn't offer that unprompted.

Good news that you can do arty stuff together (yes, £££ is always popular...)

True, and sorry if that came across as combative, this must be hard for you. I’ve just heard a lot of horror stories.

Is she autistic?