10 year old Dd says she's a lesbian.

[Freeasabird76]

My 10 year old Dd came to me this evening with her friend on a WhatsApp call saying her friend had something to tell me,as she passed me the phone she cuddled up to my side and looked scared,her also 10 year old friend said quite matter of factly,Dd is afraid to say it but wants you to know that shes a lesbian.
At this time my Dd broke down in tears,I told her friend thank you for telling me but I had to hang up now to comfort Dd.
I obviously comforted her and told her like I have before that she should never be afraid to tell me ANYTHING and like I've said in the past I love you no matter who you like,be it girls,boys or girls and boys or neither.
I asked her how long she'd wanted to tell me this and she said a long time.Now I honestly do not care one bit if she likes girls,all I care about is her happiness.
I have questions though,there's been a lot of talk in Dds class this year about girls being lesbian boys being gay etc,obviously different generations so I dont have any experience of this,when I was a child this didnt come up until we were at least say 15.How sure can you be at 10 about your sexuality? I dont recollect being so self aware at that age.

For those looking for evidence about the deeply negative influence of social media

Ummm chill, a 10 year just told her mum she likes other girls, now you're banging on about 'negative' influences? 🙄

You WOULD NOT make that comment about a 10 year old girl fancying a boy.

The MN bingo card is filling up nicely, so we now have sexuality is a preference (if you’re not straight), knowing gay people exist is grooming and encouraging a sexuality to develop (because the gay is incredibly infectious), being gay has been compared to beastiality and we now have peado’s, to be fair the homophobes normally bring out the peado card much faster.

Just a few things left for a full house.

I think we’re just missing the frother who claims primary school children are being taught scissoring, the parent claiming they would tolerate it or the religious fundamentalist advising conversion therapy.

Genuine question - do you honestly believe we should be encouraging 9 and 10 yr old children to think about their sexuality?

And if so, why?

@CoastalWave

And yes, I absolutely have said to my daughter, pack it in with that nonsense when she said some boy was her boyfriend! Along the lines of lovely dear, he sounds like a nice friend.

Well which was it? "Pack it in with that nonsense" or "lovely dear he sounds like a nice friend"? Because the first is unnecessarily bollocking her a bit for chatting to you about something and the second is a normal response.

I'm suspect you went with the second, normal reasonable response but based on your other posts wouldn't have done if she'd said the same about a girl.

Very odd.

No. Not odd.

It's not normal to sexualise children.

I feel that this needs repeating to tone deaf people. STOP SEXUALISING CHILDREN.

You are aware that you are the one sexualising children, so the only person actually needing to follow your advice is you.

You clearly see children as sexual beings if you think a ten year old saying “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend” is sexual, where as most people would see it is a fairly normal part
of childhood.

Lots of children will have a boyfriend or girlfriend, at primary school that often involves speaking to them once to declare your boyfriend/girlfriend and then barely speaking to them again. People seeing a ten year old who has a boyfriend or girlfriend and seeing that as a sexual relationship are the ones sexualising children.

The year 5s and 6s have recently had sex education, they've Bern learning all about relationships and families so it's not really surprising some of them are thinking about it. It's certainly not sexulising them

I'd be more concerned if my 9 or 11 year old actually thought they could grow up and marry a house than if they came to me and said they liked boys

Year 4s and 6s even

There was a thread recently with an OP posting about her 12 year old dd who had split up with her boyfriend and all the drama involved - many posters coming on to say at 12 the OP should not be supporting or encouraging this and should encourage the child to be a child.
Also, is being gay or straight not primarily about sexual attraction then?

Jesus Christ. So you think it's not sexualising for a child to say they're a lesbian?

A child. Not an 18 yr old. A 10 yr old child. I have an issue with this, you're damn right.

It's absolutely not a normal part of primary school children to say they have either a boyfriend or a girlfriend

Love the gaslighting. Take a look in the mirror love.

Who is sexualising children? A child says “I’m gay” and unless you launch into a ridiculous speech about how it’s probably just a phase, they need to stop thinking about it immediately and you thought you wanted to marry a horse at that age, a speech that you would never give a child who says they’re straight, then that means you’re sexualising a child??

How is just listening to what the child says, saying thank you for sharing and I support and love you no matter what your sexuality sexualising a child??

Maybe she is a lesbian, maybe she’s bi, maybe she’s straight, what’s the big deal?

Why the long essays and dismissive stories every time a child or teenager says they might be anything other than straight? It’s very much giving vibes of “don’t worry, I thought I wanted to marry a horse at that age, I’m sure she’ll turn out straight in the end”.

Children have been playing at marriage and relationships forever. This is my boyfriend/girlfriend isn't a new thing

Kids were still playing kiss chase back in the 8os when I was at primary. Although I'm glad that was banned!

Well, statistics say she’s what nine times more likely to be straight than gay? No? So if my ten year old said she liked a girl I would think it was a phase. I totally agree with @CoastalWave - this is a child we are talking about. Why the rush to sexualise them? Pretty depressing.

My nephew knew he was gay at 9. He is 18 now and says he twigged fairly early on. There wasn't any doubt, he just knew.

YY @DirtBag. I'm at some of the comments on this thread. I thought we'd come further than that.

Lol so no one can speak about who they have crushes on until they’re 18?

I don’t know what your primary school experience was like, but it’s absolutely normal for ten and eleven year olds (and even younger) to say they have boyfriends and girlfriends. I used to have a “boyfriend” in primary school, as did a lot of my friends and wife, we held hands sometimes around the playground and he bought me sweets, it was all very innocent and lasted about five days.

You’re putting adult emotions and feelings onto kids, a ten year old having crushes on boys or girls is normal and innocent, it’s not perverted and sexual.

If a child notices by the time they’re ten that they only have crushes on the same sex and they think they’re gay then what is so wrong about that?? At what age do you deem it appropriate for them to talk about who they’re attracted to and what that might mean?

You're the poster who started a thread complaining that a child should not know what lesbian means and that gay people ram it down people's throats.

You seem a bit obsessed to be honest.

You're the poster who started a thread complaining that a child should not know what lesbian means and that gay people ram it down people's throats.

Oh this makes far more sense now if it's the same poster.

I reported the not even subtly homophobic gay people are 'ramming it down everyone's throats' comment on that thread as did lots of people.

Genuine question - do you honestly believe we should be encouraging 9 and 10 yr old children to think about their sexuality?

Genuine question - did you not have a crush at 10? I did from as early as 8/9. No, I wasn't thinking about being hammered by their dick. HTH.

@CoastalWave

It's absolutely not a normal part of primary school children to say they have either a boyfriend or a girlfriend

It really is. And right minded people don't think "oh my god, that means they're being sexualised / having sex / talking about sex / getting sex obsessed".

They just think it's an innocent description. And by the time they are ten it's still innocent, it just might also mean they have a crush on the person as well as thinking they are their favourite friend.

You're the person implying that a primary school aged child is talking about sex if they use the phrase boyfriend / girlfriend.

You genuinely think that it's very unusual for a primary school child to refer to someone as their boyfriend / girlfriend?

It doesn't mean they're snogging or anything else sexual.

It usually means they sit next to each other at lunch and tell people they like each other without thinking any further than that.

Because they're kids.

You're the person sexualising their behaviour on here. It's weird!

Same, I definitely fancied people around that age. Boys and girls, the very nerve of me!

Still didn't kiss anyone until I was 16 because I didn't want to (but would have if Nick Carter from the BSB had asked) and lost my virginity at 18 because I felt ready and wanted to because I had a lovely boyfriend.

Having a sexuality doesn't equal having sex.

@CoastalWave doesn't seem to understand the distinction.

Personally I believe that sexuality is a spectrum and some people can move around on it. At that age I think it's all still very much a flexible thing as you're just starting to discover who you are, what you like etc.

Everyone says they 'knew' at that age and/or younger that they were straight, but I believe that is due to the heteronormative society we live in. How can you be attracted to either sex at that age?

Disney princesses find their prince (keeping in mind that Snow White was 14 when she found hers).
No one bats an eyelid at a kids story which includes a woman and a man being married/falling in love/finding each other/having crushes.
Girls having boyfriends is just the overall 'norm' so kids accept this and try to live it. I think if they could see a bigger variety of couples in their everyday lives there would probably be less of an urge to say you're one or the other because the box to fit into is much larger.

I had a crush on a male classmate around 7/8 years old, and an intense crush on Adam Ant aged 10. No one groomed me, abused me, exposed me to overtly sexual images or experiences. It was just a perfectly normal stage of my sexual development. It happens to other children at similar ages, or it can happen later.

Everyone says they 'knew' at that age and/or younger that they were straight, but I believe that is due to the heteronormative society we live in.

That's being selective and ignoring the several gay/bi people on this thread who also knew of their gay/bi-ness from a young age.