Put on the spot re: gf staying over...

[Noregrets78]

Not sure how I feel about this! DD is 16 and been chatting online to someone for a while, she's come over for the day today, first time they've met.
It's a 2hr journey home, and now she is concerned it's late to be travelling and DD would like her to stay over.
I feel hypocritical saying that's fine, when there's no way I'd let her bf stay if she was straight. I also feel annoyed I've been put on the spot effectively with no choice.
Grrr what to do.

Well, at the risk of sounding snippy, I hope the next time your daughter picks some random up off the internet and takes them home the first time she’s met them that she’s still alive the next morning then too.

I know you’ve done it now, but you have just demonstrated to her that it’s ok to practice the most ludicrously unsafe behaviour around people you meet online.

Are you sure that ship hasn’t sailed? My kids has clearly experimented on a sleepover anyway. Also she is 16 and it’s not some random person - she’s got to know her. So I’d let a male stay over happily from 16 in these circumstances.

Oh clearly someone thinks they are random. Erm, people meet online all the time now and develop relationships. Is it better if she just suddenly turned up with a one night stand from a club?

I don’t see the huge issue tbh, she’s a 16 year old girl not a 30 year old man, it’s under your roof while you’re in the house and they’re both of legal age anyway.

So good to see more balanced voices of reason! I know whatever I say will be shot down in flames. She's not a random off the internet - when I say they've been chatting online, I mean they've been FaceTiming for hours very regularly. That may not be a face to face meeting, but does mean that we know she is who she says she is, a 16 yo girl. The fact that they have mutual friends (who are lovely) means we'd presumably be warned if she was some psychopath. Of course this is also not going home alone with someone - I'm here.
My DD is 16 - still a child, but she doesn't turn instantly into an adult on her 18th birthday. There's a progression towards that which nobody seems to appreciate.
I'm going to exit now before I'm burned at the stake.

How is the friend getting home today and what's the plans for further meet ups?

@Helmetbymidnight

how much of a big deal it was for her to get on the train on her own

that really makes it all the more extraordinary that no one had figured in how to get home.

This!

How bizarre.

If it was such a big thing-why didn’t the parents arrange to come and get her? Or insist that she left whilst it was light so that she got home safely.

It feels like you have been really manipulated here.

I think you dealt with this the best way you could have OP. Hopefully you’ve shown your DD you’re willing to be supportive of her and ensure she keeps good communication with you. If it was me I’d be making clear to DD in no uncertain terms that I didn’t appreciate being put on the spot like that and that it shouldn’t happen again - you need notice to plan.

Also hopefully you’ve already covered it but have a chat to make sure she feels comfortable with establishing boundaries - if she has mental health issues of her own it can be a lot to also be supporting a girlfriend with mental health issues, so make sure she understands that if it happens again and she feels uncomfortable it’s completely OK to say no.

Sexuality is irrelevant. Your 16 yo dd doesn't know this girl, her parents don't know you, so a sleepover is ridiculously out of the question.

@Alexandernevermind

Sexuality is irrelevant. Your 16 yo dd doesn't know this girl, her parents don't know you, so a sleepover is ridiculously out of the question.

Bit late seeing as it happened yesterday. (But you’re right)

My DD is 16 - still a child, but she doesn't turn instantly into an adult on her 18th birthday. There's a progression towards that which nobody seems to appreciate

No you’re right, none of us here have kids so we don't get that whole teenage thing. Thanks for explaining