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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

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Original poster

Put on the spot re: gf staying over...

86 replies

Noregrets78 · 05/09/2020 17:42

Not sure how I feel about this! DD is 16 and been chatting online to someone for a while, she's come over for the day today, first time they've met.
It's a 2hr journey home, and now she is concerned it's late to be travelling and DD would like her to stay over.
I feel hypocritical saying that's fine, when there's no way I'd let her bf stay if she was straight. I also feel annoyed I've been put on the spot effectively with no choice.
Grrr what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Noregrets78 · 05/09/2020 19:32

Thanks all - I've had a good chat to her Mum so understand the context better re: how much of a big deal it was for her to get on the train on her own. She's going to stay but in a different room, and we'll make sure things are planned better going forward! She's the same age as DD, I'll just have to trust my gut that she's not a murderer . Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:

VodselForDinner · 05/09/2020 19:32

Strangers met off of the internet should not be allowed to stay overnight in the same house as your children, let alone in their bedrooms.

This is irrespective of sex or age.

If this were a boy, you’d be worried about your daughter’s safety. I don’t see how this person being female changes that to an extent that I’d be comfortable with it.

SerenityNowwwww · 05/09/2020 19:32

Sleep well 😉

Original poster

Noregrets78 · 05/09/2020 19:33

NB They have mutual friends hence met online rather than going on a dating site or anything.

OP posts:

AllTheCakes · 05/09/2020 19:34

I think you are opening yourself up here to blurred boundaries with your daughter. The gay thing is a red herring. They’ve only just met so sleepovers shouldn’t be happening.

VodselForDinner · 05/09/2020 19:42

Just having a think about what I’d see as risks for a 16 year old girl having a 16 year old boy she’d only spoken to online stay over after their first meeting.

Sexual assault/rape
Pressure to engage in sexual activity
Assault
Theft
Misuse of phone mobile for voyeurism while child is asleep
Teenage pregnancy

You’re only guaranteed that one these things won’t happen, but I just don’t understand how you’re comfortable accepting the risk of any of the others.

Goostacean · 05/09/2020 19:47

I would also bet that it has been schemed up before this girl even set foot into your house today!

100% this and you are being absolutely had by these two teens. I’m not even that much older than them! I think you’ve made the wrong call here OP, and now it’s even harder to undo it as it’s almost 8pm... Depression and anxiety are not reasons to engage in foolish behaviour and you’re setting a dangerous precedent for your daughter. I also guarantee they will not stay in the rooms they’re meant to be in overnight. You’re being taken for a big ride!

Helmetbymidnight · 05/09/2020 19:54

how much of a big deal it was for her to get on the train on her own

that really makes it all the more extraordinary that no one had figured in how to get home.

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/09/2020 19:57

how much of a big deal it was for her to get on the train on her own

So how is she going to get home tomorrow?

TitianaTitsling · 05/09/2020 20:03

Just because am cynical- did you speak to her mother? Definitely?

TitianaTitsling · 05/09/2020 20:04

Just read they have mutual friends, so do you know the parents of the mutual friends?

chubbyhotchoc · 05/09/2020 20:08

So parents are worried about her travelling through London but they're not worried about her staying over with a family they've never met

phonez · 05/09/2020 20:13

And why are the parents not arranging to collect their daughter?

The whole thing is outrageous OP.

Having a stranger in your house for a night.

Didn't think you had enough room for separate rooms.

If this is true then it just blows my mind.

Someone off line but who has some "mutual friends" in common with your daughter.

PotteringAlong · 05/09/2020 21:10

Honestly, I appreciate that you shouldn’t judge other parents but, I’ll be honest, I’m in judgy territory right now. I cannot believe you agreed to this. This is a bad, bad, decision to safeguard your daughter for the future.

chubbyhotchoc · 05/09/2020 21:13

Plus if you allow her to stay at yours, it means when the invite comes from the other side it would be harder to say no to your daughter staying in some stranger's house

Itsrainingnotmen · 05/09/2020 21:13

At 16 my dm allowed my bf to stay over in another room.
We shagged in the living room.

PotteringAlong · 05/09/2020 21:14

@Itsrainingnotmen but had you literally met him for the first time that day?

FelicityPike · 05/09/2020 21:14

@Itsrainingnotmen

At 16 my dm allowed my bf to stay over in another room. We shagged in the living room.

Probably not the first day you’d met him though.

Helmetbymidnight · 05/09/2020 21:43

i find it really weird that people feel there is no difference between a partner staying over and someone you've met for the first time that day staying over.

Itsrainingnotmen · 06/09/2020 01:09

Separate rooms isn't an actual barrier method!!

TheHighestSardine · 06/09/2020 02:56

The girls are sixteen. They've known each other for some time, but only met today. That's entirely normal for modern on-line kids. Legally they could have got fucking married to each other today!

What a load of frightened, prurient nonsense has been spouted in this thread. I despair.

littlecatfeet · 06/09/2020 03:19

So, I know the situation is already sorted, but I just want to point out that although there aren't the same physical concerns in a same-sex relationship, your daughter is vulnerable to emotional manipulation.

I'd try to have a gentle chat with her about not being pressured into relaxing boundaries because someone brings up, eg, their anxiety.

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 06:48

you despair?

the breck foundation may have some tips for the op in the future.

the girls dont 'know' each other. thats a fallacy, both are anxious/struggling. going from 0-100% is a recipe for disaster.

ALLIS0N · 06/09/2020 08:55

What a load of frightened, prurient nonsense has been spouted in this thread. I despair

Well despair away all you like. But it doesn’t make me think it’s a good idea for a 16 year old to spent the night with a total stranger on the first day they meet.

Standard advice to an adult woman ( not a child ) meeting a man She’s met online for The first time is

Don’t give him your address
Don’t take a lift in his car
Don’t go back to his and spend the night

Are you suggesting a child needs less protection than an adult ? If a 16 year old is not old enough to work the public transport system themselves and make responsible travel plans then I think it’s unlikely that they have made plans for safe sex.

And the parents who are happy for their DD to spend the night with total strangers sound even worse. Teenagers have been murdered doing stuff like this .

Original poster

Noregrets78 · 06/09/2020 09:15

With all the comments on potential murderers, just popping on to reassure that everyone is alive this morning

OP posts:

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