Put on the spot re: gf staying over...

[Noregrets78]

Not sure how I feel about this! DD is 16 and been chatting online to someone for a while, she's come over for the day today, first time they've met.
It's a 2hr journey home, and now she is concerned it's late to be travelling and DD would like her to stay over.
I feel hypocritical saying that's fine, when there's no way I'd let her bf stay if she was straight. I also feel annoyed I've been put on the spot effectively with no choice.
Grrr what to do.

Can she sleep in another room?

Spare room ?

Spare room or sofa.

We have no spare bedroom, could squeeze a blow up bed in the living room? Feels really antisocial when she hardly knows us! Although could be a good compromise...

It’s not too late for her to go home. She’s a stranger, I wouldn’t let her stay this time.

Say no. Your DD has met this person today. She’s a randomer off the Internet. Sexuality is irrelevant here; you don’t let some bod you only know in cyberspace stay at your house!

What about her parents? Would they not be concerned that she’s staying at the house of strangers?

Get DD to sleep in the living room and the gf sleep in hers

I've also asked for her Mum's phone number as I don't know how she feels about the whole thing.

No, they've only just met, and it wasn't planned in advance.

Apparently her parents would prefer her to stay than travel back late. The issue is that it involves travel through London on her own, and she has been picked on in the past for her appearance.

Or I could drive her so a 4 hour round trip...

Well her parents can come and pick her up then. Honestly, I think you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. You don’t know her, she cannot stay. So she travels by train or her parents pick her up.

It’s not like they didn’t know she was going to have to travel home.

Offer to drop her home?

I’d put her on the blow-up mattress. It’s totally u to put you on the spot like this, they should’ve discussed arrangements beforehand.

Definitely talk with your DD tomorrow and let her know that in future, you need prior warning and that you may decide that her gf needs to go home.

Get her parents to come and get her, or at least meet halfway.

I'd meet her parents halfway. Then have a word with DD about not putting you in that position. They should have sorted out her going home earlier

The other bit of context is DD's depression, which means I tend to be very worried about her getting down! Anything that gives her a boost I'm usually all up for. But this feels blinking cheeky.

That’s because it is! My DD (15) sometimes asks whether her friends can stay over at the last minute and I have no compunction saying no if it’s not convenient. The difference is they live locally so it’s easy to drop them home. Teenagers can be v. self-absorbed, they don’t always consider the inconvenience to other people.🤣

It is cheeky! You also need to consider the message you’re sending. Depression or no depression, meeting people online, and then letting them know where you live and having them stop over the first time you meet them is dangerous and against all the online safety guidelines.

Do not let her think that this is ok or a safe way to behave.

Sounds as though gf mentioned her anxiety, and dd offered her to stay the night. In reality it's not inconvenient as we're not busy! I'm charting to her mum in a minute.

It feels cheeky because it is. I would also bet that it has been schemed up before this girl even set foot into your house today!
What time did she arrive? I am astounded at her parents attitude, I would be very uncomfortable with my teenage daughter staying in a strangers house overnight!
Also this girl could be an absolute psycho who will murder you all in your beds!

Really *@FelicityPike? . Teenage murderer? .

Honestly I can't get to worked up. I started sleeping over with my (hetero) partner at 16, and that worked out fine. It wasn't a sneaky plan, either.

Teenagers do murder people.

And, in some ways, the bigger issue is that if @Noregrets78 let’s her stay then her DD thinks that letting strangers you meet online who you don’t know is fine. And the next one, or the one after that, might not be genuine. She won’t be 16 forever.

How old is she? I’d offer a blow up bed or the sofa. That’s the nice thing to do (considering travel) and teenagers aren’t exactly all that considerate when it comes to expecting lifts and favours are they? I’m surprised her parents are fine with her travelling off to meet/stay with people she’s never met in her life (I’m guessing she is older?).

When they meet face to face there’s no telling if they will get on and your dd might not want to share a room with someone who is pretty much a stranger (not actually a great if they’ve never met).