10 year old ds has just come out

[trevthecat]

just that really. where do i go from here? he told me yesterday and i just said it wasnt an issue and it didnt change anything. i spoke to his teacher today just for some advice, she couldnt help much other than just to keep communication open which i will and is finding me some on-line resources. im worried though, he is 10. can he know this already? what information can i give him? i worried about bullying but don't want to tell him to keep quiet (and make it an issue) but i need him to know some people wont be understanding. he is already a bit of a target, a bit geeky, wears glasses, is socially a bit awkward, clumsy, not into sport etc so this may fuel it further. i guess what im asking is, how can i make this as open and easy for him whilst protecting him from anything too nasty whilst he is so young? and how convinced should i be that he is actually gay? ive always thought he could be. although i dont really know why! thanks

He doesn't know because hes never asked.
He's never asked YOU. He may have asked his friends or his teacher or he may have overheard or been part of conversations or looked at books in the school library.
My DCs are 6 and 8 and they know because I told them and read books with them. Not because they asked.

I do feel it's at least a bit neglectful not to bring this up BEFORE children ask. Not talking about something means children think it's not OK to talk about.

@Paradiseinportugal

Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I meant to say attraction to members of the same sex. That'll teach me about sloppy proof reading!

Can I recommend Suzi Ruffell’s ‘Out’ podcast. They are hour long interview’s with members of the community discussing their journey growing up and what being gay means to them. It’s not about relationships just purely personal development. They are brilliant!

@BigusBumus I met him at around 8 i think. He played with the girls, hated sport, was extremely girly and even spoke with that effeminate gay voice.

Not a single one of those things has anything to do with being gay. If he wasn’t gay he still would have done/liked all of those things.

Lastly, what exactly is an “effeminate gay voice”?

My brother in law is as manly as it gets and has what some would call and effeminate gay voice'except... it's just his voice

@drspouse

He doesn't know because hes never asked. He's never asked YOU. He may have asked his friends or his teacher or he may have overheard or been part of conversations or looked at books in the school library. My DCs are 6 and 8 and they know because I told them and read books with them. Not because they asked.

I do feel it's at least a bit neglectful not to bring this up BEFORE children ask. Not talking about something means children think it's not OK to talk about.

Every child is different. He is not remotely interested or aware of such things.

My daughter came out as bisexual at age 11.Shes now 14.
She has been in a relationship with a girl for just over 6 months now and they get on brilliantly. I'm happy as long as she is safe and happy 😊

I was reading up on this and there are some stereotypes (as we have established on this thread) about how gay men should talk. The research I was reading said that some gay men adopt these (we're talking as adults, deliberately or semi-deliberately) to fit in, and people could categorise "stereotypically gay" vs not in speech they were hearing fairly consistently (i.e. most people picked the same ones).

So it seems to be a conscious "thing" among adult gay men, but not all of them obviously. Rather like choosing to go to gay bars is a thing that some gay men, and a small number of straight men, choose to do, but not all gay men do it.

I knew I was definitely not straight when I was ten and I’m still a lesbian so of course your son knows his sexuality. Positive LGBT+ representation really helped me to accept myself so I’ll recommend shows like “Steven Universe” and “She-Ra and the princesses of power” for some child-friendly queer characters.