My child has just come out as trans 😊

[happylittlefish]

My ds13 (was dd) has just told me they're transgender. He'd always been a very extreme 'tomboy' and has told me he's always felt like a boy and would like me to call him by a new name and use correct pronouns, which I am happy to oblige.

We're going to get his hair cut soon and have ordered a binder (very aware of how to use it).

I have a few questions though:

1. How is the best way to tell family/friends?
2. Should I inform school or wait a while? I'm scared he'll be bullied.
3. What actually lies ahead for ds?
4. What are the next steps?

Thank you for anyone who can help 😊

I'm a bit nervous that you haven't come back OP. Please don't see this new development as the answer to your child's problems. I can imagine it must be a relief to think you have found a solution, but this may be a continuation of her issues. Tread carefully.

This is insane. Your dd has told you she feels like a boy for the first time and you order a binder immediately and call Her he? You both need counselling op.

I would tread very carefully due to the anorexia.

There are far to many smilies in your posts, op. Acceptance is one thing (personally I'd struggle, but there you are) but you sound positively gleeful.
What's that about?

I should think thst the OP thinks she has found the solution to her DD's ongoing issues with her body. Unfortunately it's simply a flip side of the same coin. This child needs proper psychological help, not to self-diagnose via Tumblr.

As lovely as it is that you're being supportive, OP, I think you can do damage long term rushing into big changes and decisions.
Your child needs counselling first, lots of it, before anything changes. They need to be able to understand and make some sense of their feelings.

HTH

Actually no, it doesn't. That kind of attitude is why it is more difficult for males with anorexia to get help and support.

Personally, I am more than a little "worried" that 99% of the OPs posts are about ther "terribly thin" children and her own weight issues.

I'm sorry OP but why the smilies? Your dd has told you she is gravely unhappy with the body she has been born with, so much so that she wants to be a boy. Why are you happy about this?

I thought it was usual to sit with this kind of thing for a while.

It's making me nervous that you are rushing into this. It's bizarre.

SoupDragon, what do you mean by "that kind of attitude" in relation to pointing out that some things really genuinely are gender issues because they affect one gender disproportionately?

Are you really suggesting that men can't seek help because we acknowlege that the thing that they are currently suffering, mostly affects women?

Seriously?

OP, here's another site which may be helpful: stephaniedaviesarai.com/teenage-girls-dont-need-gender-labels/

Your child has a mental illness with the highest mortality rate. I hope s/he is still receiving intensive psychiatric input. You sound like you'd also benefit from family therapy. Trans issues aside, you are behaving very bizarrely.

I know the issue of anorexia affecting both sexes is important but maybe it deserves its own thread? I think we're all clear that this child has anorexia.

No-one has said anorexia is a girls' illness.

It's an illness where gender plays a part in the reasons for it, or more precisely body image and gender all mixing up and more girls currently are affected by that body image stuff.

I've never every heard of anyone making a song and dance that boys don't get anorexia. You are being just silly.

OP - please be careful. Breast binding can lead to all sorts of problems - incorrectly developed breast tissue ( grows in the wrong place), damaged blood vessels damaged or even fractured ribs, breathing difficulties (if a rib is broken a punctured lung can result). Many young women identity as trans not because they want to be male, or even because they feel masculine inside, but because they don't want to identify with what they perceive the stereotype of a woman to be. It's the idea of turning into a woman that is repulsive to them. Some might have experienced sexual abuse or been the victim of unwanted attention from men. They will do anything to prevent themselves being seen as attractive to men, hence some will become anorexic (I am not saying any of this is what you are dealing with). I know - I was one of these people once. But back then no one knew much about transgender issues. Now it is different. Your DC is very young and needs to work through in his/her own time. Be supportive emotionally, but don't rush out and do anything except perhaps speaking to some professional who knows about this. I don't know what your child is concerned with, but you are only dealing with the surface here and it strikes me as a complex issue - there's more than meets the eye.

And as for the 6 year old wearing breast binders - I would be considering Fabricated or Induced Illness - new name for Munchausen's syndrome by proxy. I'd be very concerned.

Op Did your child get treatment for the eating disorder first before this situation presented itself?

Please don't think screwing around with her body will be the panacea she needs to help her feel better about herself.

mariacatt.com/2016/08/01/wow-a-detransitioned-woman-exists/

glosswatch.com/2016/08/04/we-need-to-call-breast-binding-what-it-really-is/

This might be of interest to some.

this video might help you. good luck

Well done for having an open and accepting mind, just what any child needs!!
Some children do indeed have gender dysphoria and will go on to transition, some may realise they are gay, some may grow out of it. It's important you allow time for your child to find out.
The most important message you can give your child is they are loved, no matter what.
Focusing on your child's mental health has to be the top priority before proceeding and rushing into anything. Surgery and a life time on hormones is not something to be taken lightly.

Become an expert and help your child to make the best informed choices. Learn about the side effects of puberty blockers (ie stunts growth), long term effects on hormones.
Talk to people who have transitioned and de transitioners. There are a lot of pros and cons and one size does not fit all.
Give your child room to breath and a get out clause if they need one. Labels and boxes can be so limiting and in life we are always changing and growing.
I always identified at a boy from a very young age, I was insistent, persistent and consistent. It was the 70's and I was allowed, with very little fuss made.
I am still boyish, wear men's clothes and have a men's bike and yes, I'm a lesbian. I'm in my 40's now, and I love that I am 100% a female who doesn't conform to gender stereotypes, and never will and it's OK.
In this society it's hard though, it's not always been easy and I know that people do what they need to do to survive, and feel like they belong.
Your child is at a very susceptible age and children are greatly influenced by social media in a way is grown ups can even understand.
It's a whole new mind field in regards eh how this affects child development. What we do know is this, children are more unhappy and have more mental health issues now than ever before, especially young girls.
Please please please do lots of research. Knowledge is power!!!!