Advice for dealing with schools re trans child

[IamMrsElf]

My Trans DD is due to start school in September. I was wondering if anyone else has enrolled a trans child or has a trans child at school, what are your experiences and advice?

I'm just not sure what to expect or how to deal with it all.

I do have a child at the school currently, so I know the teachers and the school. Some of the staff are aware and so far my interactions with them have been positive.

I feel apprehensive for my DD and just want some thoughts and advice from those that have been there.

[LyndaNotLinda]

That's a great post newname. I do hope the OP is still reading

[Frankmonkey]

Thank you namechange

The best of mumsnet right there

[BitchPeas]

That's a great post namechange your DC are lucky to have you! Good luck

[Claraoswald36]

If my dd school put class time aside in foundation to humour a parent like this i would be very very concerned. And disappointed in the school.

[Floggingmolly]

Hear hear, Clara

[BeccaMumsnet]

@ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight

The fuck HQ? You deleted vixx comments why? She was stating that this was very poor parenting and she suggested it is abusive. I agree that it is definitely in the ball park of emotional abuse. Why delete?

Hi Obs and all - we do agree that we were a bit heavy handed zapping both of vixx comments. Apologies for this - we've reinstated one of the posts, but we did feel the second went too far in the way it was said.

Thanks for getting in touch and asking us to take another look, and again, apologies for being too heavy handed here.

[Frankmonkey]

Yes I agree. Tbh I'd probably speak to the school about it.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Thanks Becca- good call.

[StephanieDA]

HermioneWeasley have a look at the latest post on //www.transgendertrend.com for info on the government report and a template letter to your local MP.

Gendered Intelligence are the group that have been going in to primary schools, and advising the government on policy. They have no idea about the difference between sex and gender, and their confusion is reflected in the language of government documents. If they are all for freedom of gender identity and expression why is it necessary to change sex to 'fit' gender? They preach one thing but actually teach children the opposite: that if you're a boy who has different interests to other boys then you might be a girl. No wonder our teenagers are so confused.

[VashtaNerada]

Oh seriously, stop slagging off Gendered Intelligence They really are great and not 'promoting' trans at all. Bloody hell its like the days of section 28 tabloid hysteria on here sometimes.

[VashtaNerada]

Anyway, looks like OP has left. We're all broadly in agreement on here (for once!) so maybe it's time to call it a day.
Probably shouldn't have been so angry in previous post but I've just been so impressed with the sensible, proportionate approach by GI, I don't want people to get the wrong idea about what they do.

[Frankmonkey]

If we are all broadly in agreement that the idea gender is fluid in very young children and that we should avoid labels for as long as possible, then why is Gendered Intelligence going into primary schools at all?

[HermioneWeasley]

Bloody good question frank

[Micah]

Frank, we might all be in agreement, but the general population isn't.

Many threads in mn people have argued gender is set, very young babies naturally gravitate to girl/boy stuff, and gender isnt a social construct.

I was at a dancing event yesterday. Mainly girls, obviously, because parents put their boys in football. They might get teased if their class mates found out (and yes, a real thread on mn). Anyway there were 3 boys there, but the consternation of the teachers when they realised they had no blue award ribbons, only pink (and dark pink that looked red), and they couldnt possibly give boys pink ribbons.

I think they actually witheld the boys awards and said theyd get blue ribbons to them later.

Its no wonder any poor boy that likes pink and ballet might thinks theyre a girl!

[Claraoswald36]

I don't want anyone going in to my dc primary school talking about gender issues. However I would support it broadly for secondary school children - maybe year 10 upward.

[Chillywhippet]

What an interesting thread. As a parent of children with non stereotypical interests I have found it really useful.
It strikes me that it may be more socially acceptable for girls to choose jeans, trainers, footie without comment than a boy to choose art, dance, sparkly leggings etc.
You'd think all these years after David Bowie and others started challenging some of the stereotypes we'd be a bit further on

[cattypussclaw]

We have a non-gender-conforming child in my daughter's class at school. She (and I will call her "she" as she was born biologically female) says that she doesn't want to be a girl but a boy, and has done since she was old enough to express a preference. She wears boys uniform rather than the girls, has her hair cut short, plays with the boys at playtime and has mostly male friends. Her female name is one that can luckily be abbreviated to something gender-neutral. And no one cares. I know her Mum did worry herself silly about whether she should be "doing something" but, after consulting with various people, the general consensus was that it would "all come out in the wash". That it was a phase that she'd grow out of or that she would stay determined she was a boy and that was something that could be revisited at puberty (she's 9 now). She is referred to as she and doesn't seem to be worried about it at all. She's left to do her own thing on this and seems a very happy little soul. I think her parents (and the school) are handling it perfectly. She'll find her place, is everyone's attitude.

[YouAreMyRain]

I wanted to be a boy throughout my life.
I was devastated when my breasts started developing. I knew that I was supposed to be a boy.

I had no medical or psychological intervention.

At 14 I decided I was happy to be a girl after all.

I am 42 and completely happy with my female body and I identify very happily as female.

Just saying.

[WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan]

Micah - one of my three boys loves ballet, he's 8 - he would not have been impressed with a pink ribbon. Just because a boy likes ballet it doesn't mean he likes everything pink. Ballet aside, he's probably the most typically boyish of my three.

[Micah]

Im not saying boys who do ballet must like pink.

Im saying give the boys a pink ribbon rather than nothing. It wont kill them or make them gay. My dd doesnt like pink, but if the ribbon is pink, she'll take it. Its about the representation of achievement rather than the colour.

Not letting boys have pink reinforces the idea that pink is only for girls, and a boy happily accepting a pink ribbon is not a "proper boy".

[WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan]

I'd happily let him have pink - he just wouldn't want pink. He's not the glittery type - I think he likes the discipline of ballet; it has a very calming effect on him!

[Micah]

Can i ask why? Would he seriously refuse an award for ballet at a presentation ceremony because the ribbon is pink? Like i said my dd doesnt like it either, but would still want her award.

I was just cross that the boys were told they couldnt have the award at all, because of the assumption pink is only for girls, so it was better the boys got nothing. Give the boys the sodding award like everyone else.

[WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan]

He probably wouldn't refuse it, but he would be very vocal in his dislike for it. Probably along the lines of 'they haven't thought about the boys have they - again!' And 'do they not know that boys dance' and 'I can't take that to school'

His ballet school his currently auditioning students for a show - there are no boy parts and he is furious!

[mudandmayhem01]

If a girl got a football medal with a blue ribbon no one would notice,

[WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan]

Probably not, but my boy would notice a pink one for ballet!