URGENT - Mum with 4 children about to lose house

[JezUK]

Dear Women (and men !),

I've recently made friends with a woman in her early 40's. She has 4 children from 2 relationships (she never married - yes, I can see the eyes rolling as I type).

But it's not like that.....

She, a Ballet School teacher, P1 (1st partner) she was with for 20years (he an Art Historian, and an Art Valuer at one of England's leading Auction Houses).

She had 3 children with this man over a 20year relationship (their relationship broke down due to his severe depression).

She then had a relationship with another man, and along came child number 4. Her and P2 (along with the 4 children) moved into a house which they jointly owned.

Unfortunately that man left her when this little girl came into the world and left her lumbered looking after 4 children.

C1 (child 1) & C2 (both girls) go to boarding school (all paid for through scholarships), and C3 (boy) goes to a private school paid for by P1 (P1 is happy to pay for his only boy to go to a Private school). That is all P1 provides for.

P2 was supposed to pay his half of the mortgage on the shared house but since shirking from his responsibilities and moving out does not provide a thing (I've since learnt that he had numerous relationships and children from several other women).

So there she is, living in a house meant for 4 children (yes they do come home for holidays) and about to lose it due to P2 not paying his half. He is also not paying anything towards the upkeep of his child (C4).

She has told me that she has been to CAB, a Solicitor and the LA. All (according to her) have not been much help.....

P2 seems intent on stringing this along until she gets repossessed. They are already in big arrears (the mortgage is enormous IMO and has been moved onto an Interest-Only to reduce the monthly outgoings).

She may potentially walk out with NOTHING and I cannot see where she'd put any of her belongings (she hasn't got any money in the bank and is toying with the idea of buying a shipping container and putting all her stuff in that, though hasn't worked out where she'll actually park the container).

I suggested she put it into storage, but she doesn't have ANY money for that.

To me, as a man, something really doesn't seem right. That a woman and her 4 children are all about to be made homeless because of P2 who hasn't stuck to his commitment.

Please can you help as the clock is really ticking in her case.

P.S. It's not in my nature to 'tell' people what to do, but she has told me quite strongly that her heart is no longer in the house (i.e. it holds too many bad memories for her). I've told her that she needs to really consider the emotional turmoil putting all her belongings into storage and living out of plastic bags (I've been there myself so speak from some experience). Plus, I do notice that she does have a nice house and the children are very settled there.

Thanks,

Jez

P.P.S. She is not on any handouts at all, receives no benefits and does work part-time 2 days a week earning peanuts (she is no longer a Ballet School Teacher).

P.P.P.S She rents out several of her rooms to foreign students and a lodger, all of whom will shortly be vacating as the house is up for sale.....

Can she contact her ex and ask to sell up?
Maybe she could rent
could she get a job to pay the rent?

Sorry I meant a full time job or second job

TBH, if she has been to CAB, solicitor and LA she will have had all the advice available to her and so it looks like she didn't like what she was told. I don't see what anyone else can add to that.

Taking the children out of Private school wouldn't make any difference since they are on scholarships and C3 is paid for by P1 (he'll 'happily' pay for that and nothing else).

I really can't see the children being pulled out of schools at this stage (uniforms etc cost which ever school they go to plus there are only a few years left for them both - C3 will need a scholarship if he is to go further in Private).

Yes the house is large, and if she sells she may walk away with circa £55k.

So, from what you're saying, P2 even though he owns several properties in a Portfolio, earns approx £70k, lives in his own house can go around creating all this havoc and not have to pay for any of it ??

She needs to sell, get some contributions for her three oldest children from P1 and for her youngest from P2, get a full time job (if she can) and buy/rent a cheaper place.

She needs to sell, get some contributions for her three oldest children from P1 and for her youngest from P2, get a full time job (if she can) and buy/rent a cheaper place.

if she had money for a shipping container she has money for storage surely?

the only options are - sell up quick before repossession, and use the money to find somewhere else to live.. she can sell furniture etc via garage sale/ open house etc..

let the house get repossessed , although am not sure what happens then in terms of access to social housing

if she has sought legal advice and is not taking it, then not a lot else to say

at the end of teh day, for whatever reason , she cannot stay there. it is very sad for her and the children, but if P2 is not forthcoming and the mortgage is in arrears, and little money coming in, what is the other option other than sell/ repossess?

So she's already put the house up for sale. Sounds like she took the advice.

'let the house get repossessed , although am not sure what happens then in terms of access to social housing'

It would be considered on a case by case basis, but it might be she would not be found involuntarily homeless in such a case.

And Stewie has given excellent advice and suggestions.

She needs to sell up asap and rent a smaller place, especially as she's not got all 4 of them home all the time.

Persuing her ex partner is a separate matter from these arrears.

I hope, too, she has learned how to protect herself financially if she gets involved with someone and choses to remain unmarried and not be in full-time employment.

I suggest she look at retraining, too, to get a full-time job.

right.. that makes sense

what expat and SGM say, basically.

an old friend of mine had to sell her large family home due to relationship breakdown.. it is fairly common, and children will resettle elsewhere and i imagine that she will feel less stressed without such a large financial burden hanging over her

£55k isn't a lot of money at all in South East England, but it'd better than nothing.

I don't agree with you on differences in Private versus State. She has told me the figures and it really isn't much at all that they do pay.

I think that's the problem, the CSA don't appear (in my tiny experience) to have any real powers. These men aren't skint.

I'll mention the P1 maintenance should go to her. Though (and I'm no expert in this) they NEVER married.

She don't have ANY money. The idea of a Container is just an idea. She has no money so I suggested she sold some of her items since if they are going into storage (for however long) they might not work afterwards anyway. I think the container/storage would get paid for by a loan from a relative etc.

You've got to remember that this woman is very independent and has had to get by on her own......

"If she makes herself deliberatly homeless, council has no responsibility to rehome her. I think a house with equity that is allowed to be repossessed would come under that if she can't prove she's made an effort to sell it. "

That's right (she told me).

would she appreciate you blabbing so much of her personal life and details all over the internet? i'd never speak to you again i think.

Does she know that you've posted here? From what you've posted it sounds like she would be easily identifiable. I think you should ask for this to be pulled.

Ah, cross-posts.