URGENT - Mum with 4 children about to lose house

[JezUK]

Dear Women (and men !),

I've recently made friends with a woman in her early 40's. She has 4 children from 2 relationships (she never married - yes, I can see the eyes rolling as I type).

But it's not like that.....

She, a Ballet School teacher, P1 (1st partner) she was with for 20years (he an Art Historian, and an Art Valuer at one of England's leading Auction Houses).

She had 3 children with this man over a 20year relationship (their relationship broke down due to his severe depression).

She then had a relationship with another man, and along came child number 4. Her and P2 (along with the 4 children) moved into a house which they jointly owned.

Unfortunately that man left her when this little girl came into the world and left her lumbered looking after 4 children.

C1 (child 1) & C2 (both girls) go to boarding school (all paid for through scholarships), and C3 (boy) goes to a private school paid for by P1 (P1 is happy to pay for his only boy to go to a Private school). That is all P1 provides for.

P2 was supposed to pay his half of the mortgage on the shared house but since shirking from his responsibilities and moving out does not provide a thing (I've since learnt that he had numerous relationships and children from several other women).

So there she is, living in a house meant for 4 children (yes they do come home for holidays) and about to lose it due to P2 not paying his half. He is also not paying anything towards the upkeep of his child (C4).

She has told me that she has been to CAB, a Solicitor and the LA. All (according to her) have not been much help.....

P2 seems intent on stringing this along until she gets repossessed. They are already in big arrears (the mortgage is enormous IMO and has been moved onto an Interest-Only to reduce the monthly outgoings).

She may potentially walk out with NOTHING and I cannot see where she'd put any of her belongings (she hasn't got any money in the bank and is toying with the idea of buying a shipping container and putting all her stuff in that, though hasn't worked out where she'll actually park the container).

I suggested she put it into storage, but she doesn't have ANY money for that.

To me, as a man, something really doesn't seem right. That a woman and her 4 children are all about to be made homeless because of P2 who hasn't stuck to his commitment.

Please can you help as the clock is really ticking in her case.

P.S. It's not in my nature to 'tell' people what to do, but she has told me quite strongly that her heart is no longer in the house (i.e. it holds too many bad memories for her). I've told her that she needs to really consider the emotional turmoil putting all her belongings into storage and living out of plastic bags (I've been there myself so speak from some experience). Plus, I do notice that she does have a nice house and the children are very settled there.

Thanks,

Jez

my guess is that you are in relationship with this woman, you like the idea of living with her in her lovely big house without her pesky kids in the way and not having to pay any rent because the lodgers cover that, but now you might actually have to face reality and move (although you will probably leave her instead, dont want a woman that cant keep you) because that terrible terrible P2 wont pay for you to live there anymore. and you thought that CSA, CAB and LA would all go and shout at P1 and P2 for you so you can carry on in your little love nest.
but that is just my guess.

Hee, hee, Booyhoo.

She could go in a b snd b like the rest of us who find ourselves in these situations. Untill social rented housing is vacant?? Or til she's able to work to pay for a rented place

why is she so special? Hundreds find themselves in this position

Your guess is probably correct, booy. It was certainly my first thought as well.

There might be another forum out there with more constructive support, bearing in mind the delicate circumstances
Have you tried googling for
Distressed Gentlefolk or
Aristos R Us?

Funnily enough, I wanted to put a very sarky comment a la ^^^ but couldn't bring myself to..however, having seen that others feel the same I will: I work with 'proper' homeless people, stuff like this actually makes me sick.

"aristos r us"

(MNHQ i would like a giggle emoticon please, grin doesn't always seem apropriate)

ILoveTIFFANY - your post sums it up perfectly.

You can actually FEEL the sense of entitlement coming out of that OP!

Why the hell does the 'friend' think she is? DOes she think the rules don't apply to her?

'Funnily enough, I wanted to put a very sarky comment a la ^ but couldn't bring myself to.'

That's why you're cool and I'm a Goblin.

my thought too, as it happens. clearly she is a very needy woman (four texts in an hour...) so you're probably well in there. hope you've got deep pockets.

i'm not offended by you calling me a twat, jez, but it does make you seem rather foolish. clearly i don't run in the same circles as this woman, so i can't identify her from your description, but there's every chance that that a mother whose children are educated at the same school as her kids is on here. or someone who knows her ex (depressive art historian and valuer at leading auction house whose marriage broke up and whose kids go to boarding school). or someone whose children go to her ballet classes etc etc etc...

because guaranteed right now one of the million or so mners is thinking 'hang on, big house, two kids boarding, one kid not, south of england, art historian ex, recent divorce from shitbag, ballet teacher etc etc etc... wow i know her! and look at what a financial pickle she's in!'

and then, like the rest of us, they will think 'she really should sell the house, go full-time and stop hanging out with gossipy loser men'.

Indeed - I am Very Cool but also hate injustice and whinging hoi pollois

I do wonder what the OP thought we would say, and how it would differ from the legal advie etc she has already received?

She never married any of these chaps, Aitch.

Again, another lesson to anyone who choses not to marry: hey, do as you will. But cover your arse financially or make sure you always have a FT job to support yourself.

Twenty years with this wealthy guy and more time with this other wealthy guy and she's totally broke (well, at least she got to live for free all that time).

OP probably thought we would all say "oh gosh, that is terrible, the poor woman. those horrible men definitely will have to pay for that house so you can continue to live there rent free."

i do feel there is an enormous sense of entitlement here, it's astonishing really. where was her responsibility to herself this whole time?

This woman is as far from independent as you can get! She has been scrounging off men her entire adult life, faffing about teaching a little ballet, with her kids in boarding school, and private school, and now she is outraged that her ex, and father of 25% of her children, is not paying for her home and upkeep, and that of the entire 75 % of another mans kids? Boy, if I ever heard of a user before...

Jez, you know you are next, dont you?
Can you afford to pay for her and 4 children? If not, walk away. If you love her, then you absolutely should. I doubt she is able to face reality, downsize or cut her expenditure. It is far too pleasant to find a man to keep her.

She is obviously telling you all this, to ensure you know how much she will cost you.

There is another word for this. Cant think of it right now......

Good point lulu -- wanting to tap into our tricks of the trade perhaps

As I wrote, I thought people like this only existed in mags, where you read the article (for free in WHSmith because why pay nearly £4 to read such tripe?). You know, those airy fairy bunting cupcake women who just don't seem to work but have this enormous house.

people do lose their houses, all the time, when relationships break down. peole have to live on very little, and alter their standards and expectations

it is foolhardy to presume nothing will ever change and people will always meet their responsibilities

Exactly expat. Any woman who chooses to live for over 20 years off two wealthy guys, and in all that time hasn't had a proper job or done anything to secure her position financially is hardly going to get a lot of sympathy.

I notice the first partner is blamed for the relationship breakup because of his 'severe depression'. Nice In other words, once he'd got the children nicely settled and paid for in boarding schools, she got bored and fed up playing little houswifey to a man who was suffering from an illness, so she buggered off and found another wealthy man to live off. Now its all gone tits up and she wants some sympathy. Diddums.

Puts me in mind of:

what a charming poster the OP is. I suggest he perhaps goes and asks for opinions on PistonHeads. I gather they are very good at advising on situations such as this