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Original poster

just got a nasty solicitors letter

118 replies

ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 10:55

from exp demanding that I allow him to take ds age 3 away abroad for a week on the 7th June and if I dont agree I will be taken to court where they will make me allow it.

he does have regular contact with ds but has only recently started having him for 2 nights consecutively (has only happened 3 times) and he took him away for a weekend last september for 2 nights in this country.

The final part of the letter threatens me because I took him abroad when he was 9 months old without his written permission even though I have a court order for reasonable contact in my favour.

Apart from the fact its a massive difference from holidaying 2 nights in the same country to a week abroad, ds doesnt like being away from me and we have the same upset every time he goes. He is only 3 and not old enough to know his own mind and wont understand why he wont see me for so long.

In addition exp and his parents have serious drinking problems (he regularly gets locked up for violence etc etc) and they are also going. He would also refuse to have contact with me while they are away.

Any advice? I'm really going out of my mind here. will they force me to allow it?

OP posts:
Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 10:56

I would also have to take ds out of pre-school for this and still pay for his place as its not in the school holidays.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 11:00

Forget about the pre-school thing.

The only reason I can see here for any reason for your ex not to take him is the drinking problems of the grandparents. Everything else, on paper, seems quite reasonable.

I have no experience with this type of thing though, but I'm sure somebody else will.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/05/2010 11:02

You need to see a family solicitor and ask for a prohibition order, this basically will stop him from leaving the country with your child, it's a court order preventing the other parent from doing one thing.

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:08

i have a court order stating that he needs written consent from me to take him and I have his passport

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GypsyMoth · 15/05/2010 11:08

I'm sorry , but those arguments won't stand up in court. Hrs the father, he has pr and staying contact already. Now you are citing welfare issues ?
if Those welfare issues were such a problem then you would have raised them already.

racmac · 15/05/2010 11:10

He doesnt have a chance of getting this before Court before the 7th June - not in this area anyway.

Im not sure why he was threatening you for taking him away - do you have residence?
Is there a Court order in place?
Who has the letter come from - him or Solicitors?

GypsyMoth · 15/05/2010 11:10

He will probay be allowed, yes. Try www.wikivorce.com the forums are good

racmac · 15/05/2010 11:11

Ah - so there is a Court order - so all the issues have already been addressed.

I take it the Court action addressed the holidays? What does it say

I just re read OP - sorry you have a Solicitors letter.

GypsyMoth · 15/05/2010 11:11

He can wait in court and see a judge same day

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/05/2010 11:14

The court order you have isn't the same as a prohibition order. He's trying to force you to consent by using scare tactics. To be honest, if he's staying for a couple of days at his father's then it may not particularly matter if he takes him out of the country for a couple of days as it's the same thing, just a different country. You could argue the length of time from 2 days to a week would be upsetting for your child but the court would possibly say that it's in the child's best interest to spend time with his father. Does your child stay with his grandparents at the moment anyway?

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:14

it was adressed and I've spoken to my solicitor about it before and she said he would have to take him in this country for long weekends a few times before he would be allowed to take him abroad.

Would they lock me up for refusing?

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 15/05/2010 11:17

They probably wouldn't lock you up. It takes alot for them to do this and it very rarely happens. They may just tell you to allow him to take your child on holiday.

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:27

well theres no way il agree they say age 9 is when they know their own mind and can decide things themselves and dont see how this is any different

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GypsyMoth · 15/05/2010 11:27

They may take the passport if they let him go ahead. Then it will be a case of you handing the child over

has he paid for the holiday ready?

I'd be more worried About ash clouds or if he's from a different country then abduction.

GypsyMoth · 15/05/2010 11:33

It's different. He doesn't need to know his own mind. He doesn't have a say about where you send him does he? You decide for him. I expect trips to the dentist may be unpopular ( for example) but you force the issue as it's in his best interests.

I have just spent 2 years in court system myself and read alsorts on forums. With no abduction risk/ welfare issues and good established contact, I feel you will get nowhere with this

and yes. Judges are getting tougher about enforcing court orders and DO sometimes pass custodials. Is it worth it? Pick your battles because there will be bigger ones ahead

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:42

in what way are there bigger battles ahead?

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Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:44

and what ur saying is that my solicitor has given me entirely wrong information?

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Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 11:47

His father is allowed to have him though overnight which means he is deemed a suitable care giver. The fact he is taking him with the grandparents is almost irrelevant as he is the one expected to do the caring.

You took his child away for a week too remember.

Your job here is to increase the contact and overnight stays so that the child is ok to go away with him.

You can't make him let the child call you while it's his time with him.

I strongly recommend that you increase contact before June so that there is less impact on your son.

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:49

there is only 3 weeks before he expects this to take place

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 11:49

Or you could lie and say yes of course you can take him and then be unable to find the passport

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 11:54

i honestly would be out of my mind with worry regardless of whether he is deemed an ok caregiver, if anything happened i wouldnt be able to get to him, he would cry for me I know for a fact and wouldnt settle at all. He is only 3 years old and very attached to me

OP posts:
Catz · 15/05/2010 11:58

OCD - what does the current court order that you have say? Do you have a residence order with a contact order for your exP? If so, what does it say? I'm guessing from what you've said already that the contact order does not require you to allow him to take your DS on holiday for 7 days but just that if he does want to take him away then your written consent is required. Is that right? If that is the case then it is him who is going to have to apply for a court order not you.

Please don't worry about being locked up. That will only happen in cases of persistent breach of court orders after warnings from the court. From what you've said so far it sounds as if you're not in breach of any court orders at all, let alone in the position that the court will start threatening sanctions for breach.

There are no hard and fast rules in this area, each case is very fact dependent so don't assume that because something happened in someone else's case it will inevitably happen in yours too. It's very likely that your solicitor is right given that she has all the facts of your case.

Tanga · 15/05/2010 12:09

Very, very bad idea - you could then be liable for the cost of the holiday.

If your sol has told you that the court will not allow him to take the child on holiday then you should be paying him/her more, because that's a fortune teller you've got there, as well as a sol. He/she cannot possibly know for certain what the court will do.

It may be considered ideal to go for longer weekends first but the court will take into account that he alsready spends weekends with his Dad and that the holiday may already be booked.

I'm also guessing that the final part of the letter is to do with the fact that it is illegal to take a child out of the country without the permission of all those with PR (unless you have a Residence Order which I'm thinking you probably didn't?)

Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 12:11

yes thats correct about the court order catz. I have residency with reasonable contact and it states that I can take ds abroad for 4 weeks without his permission but he needs written consent from me as the court order was in my favour.

OP posts:
Original poster
ObessiveCullenDisorder · 15/05/2010 12:12

i do have a residence order

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