Can they really say that

[Mum311023]

Good evening I want to just ask a question basically my ex-boyfriend physically assaulted me a few years ago and a female police officer had interviewed him now he had told me that she said to him off tape you want to be careful around women like her I know her kind. He told her that I cut my own hair when this incident had happened. He didn't really tell her the full truth he actually ripped hair out of my head. I had this confirmed by two different professional hairdressers that it was a rip. He did admit a couple of weeks ago to ripping hair out of my head but I want to know can any police offices off tape say things like that. I never heard her say this it's what he's told me even though this incident happened to years ago. Can I still chase any concerns like the comment she made about me?

You only have his word that she said it? I mean if that is the case why are you believing him?

And you seriously believe what this violent idiot told you? Does it honestly sound likely to you?

Why are you still in contact with him, discussing what went on 2 years back?

Why are you still talking to someone who physically assaulted you? I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him and don't know why you would give his version of events any credence whatsoever.

Not a lawyer or have any legal training but am currently dealing with abusive, manipulative ex and my advice, unless there is any proof other than his word, would be to ignore what he has said. You know he is lying and telling half truths about you so do you honestly think he is being truthful about what he is saying was said off record about you?

I only asked if the police officer could say stuff like that I wasn't looking for a lecture and I don't have contact with him he approached me when I was out and he said to me oh by the way when I got interviewed by that police officer for that incident that happened she warned me about you we saying that she knows your kind all I'm asking is can I find out if she had said that and if I can do something about it and then I will.

@godmum56 i didn't say i believe him i was just asking.

Can I just say to everybody that I say why are you still in contact with him I'm not he approached me and this case was a while ago but I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to find out if that female police officer said that about me because if she did then that's very unprofessional of her

Cmon. Now you know she didn’t say that,

I would suggest he was full of shit and lying. Trying to make it sound like the Police didn't believe you.

@pawsedforthoughtThis is why I asked the question. I have researched this but it brought up help lines for domestic abuse and violence. I didn't really get my question answered. I just thought if she's gone through something similar to me then she would have been a little bit more understanding

The police officer can say anything she likes if the only witnesses are criminals. I very much doubt she said anything of the sort but, even if she did, who would her bosses believe if it had come to their attention immediately afterwards? Certainly not the ex-boyfriend who has only made the comment to wind you up. Ignore him.

What? Do you really expect anyone to remember a conversation years ago and if so admit it even if she did say it? Spoiler alert. She didn’t. Let it go and be glad you escaped

@Charlenedickens it was just a question that I wanted answered I wasn't saying she said it about me I'm not saying she hasn't I just wanted to know could I ask

None of us can know if she did. Maybe her brother/son/dad was falsely accused. Maybe she didn't say this, but only she and your ex know, and she is obviously not going to say she said it, and maybe he is lying.

@HambleDoll I really hope and pray to god you've never physically been assaulted and that you've never had your stomach stamped on whilst trying for a baby and had a ruptured tender in your finger and hair ripped out of your head I hope that's never happened to you so please don't you dare tell me to get over it.

The point is no one can answer your question.
Is it unprofessional if she said it? Yes
Did she say it? Probably not.
Can you prove it? No
Is your ex a gaslighting cunt who is trying to control you and get in your head? 100% yes

I think it’s highly unlikely they would have said that to him, but why does it matter (I mean what does it change?)

It can’t be proven and the issue that needs to be addressed here is him hurting you, not what he says a police officer said.

You have no way of knowing if this is true and even if you somehow proved that it was what difference would it make?

You have zero need to be speaking to him or believing anything he says.
Proceed with support from Women’s Aid.

but that basis of your question indicated that you beliveed what your ex told you.

This is awful to read and I’m so sorry and hoping you are ok OP.
I hope you have managed to leave this person. Being alone may be daunting, but it will be better than having someone who
hurts you in your life.

@Minasama I guess so I just think when he said it to me I just thought to myself you're just doing that to wind me up but he swore on his mum and his sister's grave that the woman did say that I mean I don't expect anybody to feel sorry for me domestic violence is a massive thing in women and for another woman who works with the police and is meant to support women with domestic violence surely you should understand and her comment would literally make her look on unprofessional I guess the police would try their hardest to convince me she never said anything it just makes me feel a bit crap that another woman would say such thing that she knows my kind and that he needs to be careful around women like me I mean I've got pictures of what he's done to me I have a life changing disfigurement in my finger from when he pushed me I've got the scar down my head but I guess people like me need to be warned off.

Erm I think you've misread @HambleDoll's post - she was giving you support. She wasn't telling you to get over the assault, she was making the point that your ex is clearly lying to hurt you and because there is no way of proving what a policewoman did/didn't say over two years ago, that it's better for your mental health not to put any credence in what he has said to you.

People ask if you are still in touch with someone violent because people on here care and want to help if you are struggling to get away from a dangerous situation and will offer advice based on understanding exactly what the scenario is. It's not judgement, it's getting as much information as possible so as to ensure that the advice we provide is tailored to your specific situation.

@CostcoFanofThreeI AINT!! He approached me.

and you listened to him and did not walk away? Kindly, one sentence and he is inside your head. Have you had any counselling or support?