Hoping someone can offer advice. I will try to make this as coherent but also as concise as possible .
I was in an abusive relationship from late 2021 until last October. There were multiple rapes , including anal rape and these were violent , not a case of "I didn't say no" I was begging and crying and was beaten about the head until my ears were ringing. There were many physical assaults resulting in a fractured sternum and ribs and a bruised spleen , in addition to bruising from strangulation, black eyes and split lips etc. Generic bruises from regular beatings.
He was also abusive to my older 2 teenage children but had us terrified that if we ever reported , things would get worse. He was never physical towards them but he would say disgusting and degrading sexual things to them such as my daughter would end up like her mother and a slag basically (worse terms than this). He said things about my son I just can't put onto here but I will in my CAFCASS interview. My son was growing his own fruit and veg , my ex urinated over it all.
Honestly I could go on and on but I have to keep it short ; I just need to get across the picture of how horrific it was. He locked me both in and out of the house , one time when I was held hostage I tried to make an escape , he dragged me up the stairs by my hair and threatened to shave it all off leaving me "looking like a cancer patient"
He lead us to believe he had criminal associates and knew people within the police force who he could pay to rape my children and set fire to both my home and my ex-husbands that he shares with his wife and 2 small daughters. He also said he would have me arrested and put in prison for benefit fraud for money claimed whilst he lived with us (never mind the fact we didn't want him there).
In 2024 , I called police from my sons phone after he had once again taken mine from me and deleted any evidence of injuries sustained (he always did this and then also deleted from my recycle bin - one time even factory resetting my phone. He would also message other men pretending to be me and we live in a small town - it was just humiliating and I was so trapped left with absolutely nobody). Anyway , he had left the home with my phone and I called the police. They arrived and I blurted out everything he had ever done . I thought even if any of this is true about him knowing people there has to be someone who can protect my children because this is no way to live . He was arrested and held on remand refused bail. His father however paid for a solicitor and he did get bailed after 2 weeks . He broke bail immediately to tell me he had met people in prison and that I had to drop the charges or things would get worse . His charges were counts of rape, intentional strangulation, threats to kill, GBH, cohersive and controlling behaviour.
Quick caveat - I really am trying to keep this short- he did have a burner phone. Very early on when I was accused of sleeping with some young lad from the town , he told me he had arranged for him to be attacked but if I cut contact with everyone from the local pub he would put a stop to it. This was just a kid , he can't have been more than 20. My ex appeared to call off this arrangement and I did hear someone on the other end of the phone so I don't know how true it is ! He said they wanted £500 because they had already driven from their shift to our town. I just do not know what's real, even now. He said if I ever got a restraining order he would come back and bury us all.
I called CPS and begged for charges to be dropped and they said it was too serious and would go ahead as victimless. I was so convinced we were all going to die. I refused access to my medical records and nobody gave video evidence so eventually it was NFA without going to court - stating my mental health as the reason.
Once he was out everything ramped up. The abuse was horrific and I became pregnant within weeks. I could not terminate as I did not have access to a car. My son was born in late August (early because I was in hospital with my blood pressure for 6 weeks prior). Pregnancy was awful and post-partum was awful. My son was in the NICU and obviously once he was here I adore him. I was assaulted once we got home and whilst still bleeding from childbirth.
When the baby was 6 weeks old , I saw on facebook a woman had found out her husband had cheated by a secret whatsapp chat where it is hidden and you have to use a fingerprint to access it. This set in motion the final escape plan. I started to record things and send them to myself then delete them from my phone. The final incident was him accusing us all of stealing his phone , smashing the house up and threatening to take the baby away from me ( all recorded). I called the police. The whole time he was holding the baby I just thought as soon as I get him back he is never leaving my side. My ex was in the background telling the call handler that I had post partum psychosis and had trashed my own home. They passed this info onto my health visitor after visiting. I calmly told him after he left for work the next day that I had evidence and was willing to use it. He disappeared . For almost a year.
I booked a holiday in April and realised I needed permission from his father so I contacted both a local DV charity and a family law solicitor who applied for legal aid but it was rejected on merit because he is absent and nothing to suggest he would contest. I wanted permission for the holiday and a name change (my son has the exact same first and surname as his father but we refer to him by his middle name) . As this was rejected , I went ahead and filed c100 and c1A for those and also for a child arrangements order. I didn't want to do this really because I don't want to remind him that we exist , incase it angers him . But my local harm reduction hub reassured me measures would be put in place.
Last Sunday I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognise . It was him demanding to see his son. I could add more here but trying desperately to keep it shorter. I was shaking , teeth chattering , throwing up just mad panic at hearing his voice. I assumed he was on his way over as he sounded like he was in a car. He wasn't and we haven't seen him.
I guess after all of this my question is .... surely to God please please tell me it is not likely he will get contact ? even in a contact centre ? my son only knows myself and his brother and sister. He won't understand being left in a room with a man he doesn't know. I cannot access therapy because I don't have a support network anymore or childcare. I have to try and parent my best until he is in school. My reaction to one phone call was horrific and I thought I was on my way to being healed. I am terrified , my children are in weekly therapy and as a family we are trying to heal.