Where do I stand legally if my 13-year-old refuses contact? How do I respond to solicitors asking for more time?

[OhMy2017]

I have been divorced a long time and have a 13 year old who is now refusing to see dad
dad has a controlling personality and child has been struggling for a long time
now snapped and refusing all contact
he’s got solicitors involved asking for MORE contact
how do I respond please?
where do i stand legally if 13 year old refusing contact?
please help
thank

What was the previous arrangement, and was it court-ordered?

You don’t have to respond to a solicitor’s letter. They will write a letter if you pay them to and it’s important to know that just because it comes from a solicitor, it doesn’t make it part of the legal process. It’s not the same as a court or the police contacting you so don’t feel scared.

If you’re in the UK then a judge would allow your child to choose how much contact he had with each parent (even zero contact)

Thank you
no court order

My solicitor is saying my dc refusing contact is extreme and courts unpredictable

Get another solicitor.

It is not extreme for a child to refuse contact with an unpleasant, controlling parent, especially as they reach adolescence and can see what they are really like.

My thoughts too
thank you

I used to be a teacher.

teens refuse contact all the time and at the drop of a hat. It’s absolutely not uncommon.

Thank you

At 13, the court is likely to make any kind of contact order to enforce contact, particularly if your DC can articulate the reasons why they don't wish to see their Dad. Equally, the court may encourage contact but it is likely just to be that, a few lines of encouragement in a court order where DC are encouraged to see their Dad but should be on their terms.

Do you mean unlikely please?

This is not like picking up a tantrumming toddler and strapping them into a car seat against their inclinations.

You cannot make a teenager do something by physically forcing them to do it.

You dont have to reply at all

Unless he's just turned 13 by the time the whole thing gets to court, if it does he will be 14 and the Courts even less likley to impose anything on you.

I’m pretty sure that was a typo for unlikely, op. I don’t think the rest of the post would make sense, otherwise.

It’s just a solicitor’s letter, it looks scary but it doesn’t really mean anything. If he offers you mediation then do it - if nothing else it’ll look bad on you to refuse mediation if he applies to court.

It’s unlikely though that a court will force a 13 year old to have contact. They will encourage it like a PP said, but unlikely to enforce it.

Will your child be willing to do anything at all? Eg go for dinner once a fortnight? Phone calls or emails?
total ‘no contact’ is unusual (but it is encouraged in our new age therapy speak world) for a child but refusing overnights isn’t at this age.
Would your child be willing to do child inclusive mediation to work out what contact they want to have, even if just indirect for now?

I can see why his father is devastated and seeking legal advice, even if he is a controlling arse he won’t be self aware enough to be able to recognize his own flaws.

It’s lucky your child is 13 a I know a 9 year old doing this and the court appointed psychologist and social worker are pushing for a change of residency to force them into a relationship , saying that’s mums anxiety must be influencing the child even though no evidence of parental alienation has been found

@Unexpectedlysinglemumgosh that’s really scary
I watched a Disney documentary recently about 2 siblings in America who barricaded themselves in a room to stop enforced contact

He's old enough that his own feelings will be taken into account.

As you don't have a court order currently, nothing can be forced. If it went to court eventually it would be extremely rare for them to force contact for a teen and it would take a bit of time too.

Does your son feel comfortable with anything contact wise? Texts, letter, phone call, video call, weekly costa catch up etc.

My eldest stopped seeing his dad and I reminded him it doesn't have to be all or nothing. They currently text. And every now and then I check in with him is that what he still wants so he knows he has choices.

Maybe with time

This is very scary indeed

Just ignore the letter. He can go to court if he wants to get an order and your dd can tell the judge she doesn't want contact with him.