Long time absent father requesting more complicated contact arrangements, what are our options?

[CAOband]

Long story short, a father who removed himself from the child's life has re-appeared 10 years later and requested contact via solicitors (father lives abroad so initial contact is via video calls). No physical abuse or SA, only ongoing financial abuse but it's irrelevant to contact arrangements so I offered direct video calls straight away. The solicitors went silent for two weeks so I had to chase them. They responded by requesting supported contact via virtual contact centres. The child is 13 and refused to be "supported" in chats with their father. Does it look like the father is being unreasonable or the solicitors are trying to maximise their profit? What are our options? What would be the court position on this if we can't agree? No particular objections to contact on my part, but the teenager feels the situation with supported contact is weird.

TIA

I think you are reading too much into the MIAM. He paid for the MIAM because, unless one of the exemptions applies, he has to attend an MIAM before going to court. It may not be him that doesn't want further mediation. It may be that the mediator thinks mediation won't work. Or it may be that your ex changed his mind after the MIAM.

The only information the court will get is confirmation that both parties have attended an MIAM and either the mediator thinks that mediation is unsuitable or you or your ex do not want mediation. That is it. They are not allowed to give any other information to the court. Mediators do not keep formal notes from an MIAM.

If you and your ex both agreed to child-inclusive mediation you would be able to talk about it with your child provided you did so carefully and neutrally. Talking to your child about it without your ex's agreement risks the court seeing it as an attempt to manipulate or put pressure on your child.

The fact you are offering direct contact does not necessarily preclude the court requesting a CAFCASS report. It is likely they will want to hear your child's views. Given your child's age, their views are likely to carry a lot of weight.

Thank you for your perspective @prh47bridge
DC is 13 and I don't think I can hide the facts from them. Dad did not bother to contact them on birthday, it speaks for itself. He's going to court so DC will have to be told about CAFCASS interview in any case. There is no way to shield DC from all this at this age. Yes, their views will carry a lot of weight, that's exactly why I requested child inclusive mediation.

I'm not sure I understand how requesting child inclusive mediation can be viewed as manipulation as we are offering direct contact because DC wants it that way. Can the court really see it as manipulation? So I put pressure on my child to make them speak with dad directly, and it's a bad thing? Err... honestly, I can't get my head around it. I thought that's what fathers fight for in court, to be allowed unsupervised contact, is that not correct?

It's all really weird to me as in my world normal parents speak with their children without third party supervision, and ex was not physically abusive.

Requesting child-inclusive mediation is not manipulation. Telling your child about it when your ex has not agreed to it could be seen as manipulating your child's feelings towards your ex. That is very different to pushing your child to speak with your ex.

Oh I see what you mean now.
It's difficult to brainwash teenagers anyway, the resident parent is always at fault as we insist on tidying up the room, do homework etc, and whatever we say is wrong 😂

Sadly, ex seems to have decided to show DC what he's actually like, which I tried to hide from DC for a decade...

This is all very weird. I cannot see any court dictating against a 13yr olds wishes that they need to attend a contact centre in school hours!

Even when exh had a better deal in our dc arrangement when dc went nc with him i didn't hear a word. Not even a text .because exh knew no court can order a 12 year old + to dp anything they dont want to!
Not sure what a judge will make of him insisting a third party are involved..
What did occur to me thinking about it was could he have a younger dc he isn't seeing and wants proof he is seeing yo

ur dd to help that case ?

Sadly, in our case he seems hellbent on dragging us through court though I cannot understand the reason why except punishing me, but he was not interested in this for years. And I struggle to understand what the punishment could be for as it was his decision to break up with me, not the other way round 🤷‍♀️

I'm not aware of any younger children. He's a digital nomad travelling literally non-stop and was never interested in his DC (he has an older DC he abandoned too, they're now an adult so there can be no dispute). His current partner is infertile.

I'm now worrying about my DC as they're really hurt by his conduct...

You really need to assure dc that no is a complete sentence
.