Help me prepare for appointment with family solicitor

[anothermother0916]

Hello wise mumsnetters
I am due to see a solicitor for an hour long initial consultation on Tuesday morning.
my key concerns are:

1. husband will turn abusive and nasty as soon as I will tell him that I have applied for divorce. Therefore, we cannot be int he same house once the cat’s out of the bag!
2. once he realises he is losing control over me, he will come patter 8 year old DS as he knows that’s my weak point. DS is terrified of him and doesn’t like being with him because he screams and shouts all the time.

please help me prepare for the meeting. What questions should I be asking to ensure our safety during and after the process and to guarantee he wouldn’t get unsupervised access to DS. what else should I be thinking about at this stage ?

In hindsight I probably should have stayed many years longer. Or asked for a lot more help.
There is a finance band where, while earning above legal aid level, you can apply for (not necessarily actually receive) volunteer barrister help. If you ring 0345 345 4345 and go through a finance assessment they can tell you if you’re eligible for this. Allow half an hour plus for the call and you need your finance details- equity etc.

As a point of interest rather than a suggestion, I’ve met someone who left their job (I think became a full time student) to pursue child arrangements as it made more sense for them.

@anothermother0916You can diy if you don’t want processional advice. Being a tax payer - so what? The law must listen to both sides. It doesn’t mean the judgements go against you. Of course family law isn’t the most expensive legal action but the op wants a lot out of it. Most people take a more pragmatic view and don’t keep worrying about “what if” scenarios. It’s better to deal with issues as they arrive. You can try for a refuge or could you move in with relatives? Legal aid is so hard to get now and I’d use a decent solicitor and they should know a suitable barrister.

It’s better to deal with issues as they arrive.

If what arrives is that your child’s best interests are deemed by Cafcass and a judge to be that they should spend time with the person they dread, ( this happens), that is not something that can be dealt with.

@ScrollingLeaves thanks. You’ve made this point better than I could.
it’s easy to say go to refuge. Go to relatives. What about those of us who are immigrants and have no relatives? What about those who have been isolated to the point they have no friends ? What about the impact on children’s mental health? If I can’t work and lose my job how would I pay for the solicitor? It’s sadly not that easy in my view. The law must listen to everyone but there is almost no ongoing victim support.
im emotionally and mentally so exhausted I wish I could just stop thinking about this just for a moment.

@ScrollingLeaves There is no guarantee even with DS’s evidence as he’s under secondary school age, that H won’t get access to him. If H ever found out that DS spoke to anyone outside the home, my son could be in real danger.

Thank you. I’ll look into it

💐💐💐

@ScrollingLeaves It does not always happen though. If you don’t think the family court is worthwhile, don’t use it. It’s optional. Or the op could talk to a solicitor who knows the time of day with similar cases and gets a barrister who is also as clued up as possible. Judges are not all the same and they don’t all agree with CAfcass either. The courts are focused on child welfare but they don’t like hyperbole and what ifs.

I can see immigrants don’t have parents here but if someone works, are there no friends af all? The op isn’t shut away all day. It’s why refuges exist though isn’t it? For situations like this.

It does not always happen though

It happens more often than not. Not always is not good enough.

The OP does not want to risk having to leave her DS to face this man alone.

Even if she sets aside 30,000 to start and possibl another 30,000 to follow - for an appeal say, there are no guarantees.

Her worries are entirely valid.

@ScrollingLeaves The law and courts are not a bespoke service for one “side”. It must listen to, and evaluate, all advocacy and will put dc first. No contact with dad because mum says so isn’t law. It’s an opinion. It might be perfectly valid but it must be tested.

No, they imagine/say they put DC first but in reality there are plenty of known cases where this has not been the case.

The situation has improved a bit. That’s all that can be said.

Anyway, my personal point of view is that I understand the OPs reluctance to risk her 8 year old child’s well being further.

OP non the less go to a refuge if you have to.

The family court is not optional if your ex applies.

@bahto Er yes. But the discussion wasn’t about that.

Yes, @bahto