expecting a baby, not married - what legal protections do i need?

[firsttimepregnanthelp]

As per the title really. Bf and I haven't been together long and aren't married; we don't plan to marry anytime soon as things stand. Both have savings and assets. I have been looking into getting a joint life first death policy. What else should I be considering?

Fine to put him on the birth certificate but baby gets your surname. It will be a nightmare otherwise if you split up and why should you have a different name to your baby? You can both change or double barrel if you decide to get married in future. Don't give up work. Don't give up your house. If you are moving in with him either sell and keep the money ring fenced in an account not to be touched/ spent on his house or rent it out and keep the rent as savings. Make sure he pays half of everything to do with the baby. It's so easy to end up footing most of the bill.

How does it make it easier?

I have a different surname to my child and in 20 years have never had an issue.

in fact it is a “hell of a lot easier” for them to have the same name as dh. I find a woman with kids is always assumed to be mum, regardless of name, whereas a dad with a different name is assumed to be non related/stepdad.

in fact a friend really struggled having a different name and had to carry round proof of PR- send to schools, GP’s, show a&e etc before they’d accept he was dad. Conversely I have taken my step kids to a&e and had to point out I am not mum and can’t consent.

it’s also a lot easier when dh travels alone with the kids. No one bats an eye at me and a child sharing a hotel room, but a 40 year old man and a 12 year old girl? Yes questions are asked (as they should be) but the same name answers that question.

Thanks for the advice re names, we will double barrel - he would like the child to have his name but I've said he will need to marry me if he wants that! He fully expects to pay half for the child; I am lucky that he is not like some of the men you read about on mumsnet.

If he is not self employed, he needs to check if his workplace pension offers a death in service payment - many do - and if so join the pension scheme and nominate you as the beneficiary. The same for you.

Remember, your additional pension payments are not just your contributions but also the contributions your employer makes. Protect your financial future.

You don't sound like you live together yet. Consider a joint bank account for joint bills - including childcare. You need to decide between you how bills will be split IE % of each salary.

Make a Will and nominate a Guardian for baby in the event you both die before they come of age.

Give baby your surname.

If you separate, he will owe you nothing but Child Maintenance.

You will earn less over maternity leave. But when you go back to work you will be earning again. If you go back part time, you should ask your employer or pension provider how to make additional voluntary contributions. They should just be able to take more from your pay if you are on paye. Yes you will have less disposable income as a result, but that's a given when you have kids. The family financial split should recognise you providing free childcare and allowing hom to work. But don't go so part time that you destroy your career, asylum will need to support yourself if you separate.

Make sure you register for child benefit in your name - even if not entitled to the payment if a higher earner it still needs to be done so child will have their own NI number when 16.

It means you are deemed primary carer in many ways/can claim child maintenance if you split up.

Also bear in mind that it’s not just the woman who can adjust her work hours.

it is equally as possible for him to go part time, ask for flexible hours etc in the same way you can. It’s not an obligate female role.

so instead of you taking all the risk, you could both work 3 or 4 days, meaning the child only needs one or two days childcare. Then it’s not impacting only you while he merrily accrues his pension and you taken all the child and home related crap as well as working.

this worked well for us. Dh went flexi- this was a big fight 20 years ago in a male dominated field, but he is incredibly proud that he contributed in some small way, as it’s now the norm in his company, and it’s also meant women employees have gone from almost zero to a significant %.

so he was able to do nursery runs, take time off for nativity and GP appointments, while I worked 3 long shifts a week and one on Saturday.

pensions are still roughly equal, he has a better relationship with the kids for being around, and he had to learn to cope with housework.

personally I prefer this- I tried being a sahm for a year after redundancy. It simply meant that was at work all the time, I was on my own with the kids, trying to keep on top of them, home, extra curriculars, all the odd jobs. Ime it’s much easier splitting, and also meant I kept my financial freedom and my pension, and I’ve had more of a life balance.

There does come a point where if you’re looking for the legal situation that marriage brings, what you do is get married / civil
lartnership.

Because it turns out she has her own home and more pension than him
So depending on how much more and how their salaries compare, she might be better off not marrying a relatively new partner who could make a claim on her assets if they split.

Don’t compromise your career / income / savings any more than he does. Make sure it is 50/50 financially.

I think the pension thing is massively over thinking? Seeing as you have your own house, pension and savings you’re grand - don’t get married or he will be entitled to half of it! Just keep working and share childcare costs.

"We will be living together in his house, I am not sure what I will do with mine."

This is a bad idea. You would be making yourself entirely dependent on him for a roof over your head (and your child's). If you are not married and your name isn't on the house deeds, you have no legal right to live there. This means that if the relationship ends - or not even if it ends, if you're just going through a bad patch - he can tell you to leave and can even kick you out if he wants.

Stay in your own house.

"I will definitely be careful with the will - I suppose I'd like it to give me the same protections that marriage does if that would be possible?"
No, not possible.

"I am lucky that he is not like some of the men you read about on mumsnet."
You don't know this. You don't even live with him yet. The baby hasn't been born yet. So many men seem wonderful in the early days, including the ones you read about on Mumsnet.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Well no. She could move into his house, rent hers out and put the income into pensions or isa.

that way she future proofs herself, yet still benefits from the cheaper living costs of co-habiting- plus the shared childcare and housework. Why would you live on your own with a baby and not with the child’s father? At the very least you have someone to make you tea while you feed and hold the baby while you shower.

just don’t sell up and “invest” any money into his property without a contract to protect your investment.

She'd still be homeless if he kicked her out. If her own house is rented out, she won't be able to move back in immediately, she'd have to go through the legal process of evicting her tenant(s), which is not quick or easy. She'd have to find a rental which would be stressful especially with a child after a relationship breakdown.

You misread my post if you thought I was insisting that OP and her boyfriend should continue to live separately. I'm saying he should move in with her and not the other way around. Alternatively, he puts her on his house deeds or they rent or buy a new place together.

Thanks everyone, lots of good advice here. I fully intend to remain financially independent. Eventually we will both sell our properties and buy somewhere together although probably not for a while yet. I am leaning towards renting my house out if I move into his when it’s done although it’s not particularly lucrative once you’ve paid tax/management fees etc. if it all went tits up and I needed to move back I could stay with my mum for a while - she lives on her own in a 4 bed house.

When I say he isn’t like the other men on mumsnet I mean he fully expects to contribute and doesn’t expect me to pay for baby stuff, childcare etc alone just because I’m the mother.

When planning for the future with a baby, there are lots of things to consider:

1. Parental responsibility - as the father named on the birth certificate, he’ll have parental responsibility.
2. Name - I have a different surname to my children and have never experienced a problem in 20 years. Not sure I understand posters advising you to give baby your surname, it makes no difference legally.
3. Property - if you move into his property you’ll have no financial interest in it. He can kick you out without notice. You either need a cohabitation agreement setting out your intentions with regard to the equitable ownership of the property, or ensure that you have the means to re-home yourself and the child if the relationship ends. It may not be easy to evict tenants if you want to repossess your property so a better option may be to sell and invest the proceeds.
4. Finances - as you’ll be on maternity leave, agree your respective financial contributions. Open a joint account for household bills, groceries, etc. Clear evidence of expenditure in case you need to show evidence in the future.
5. If the relationship ends - the non-resident parent will usually be required to pay child maintenance. You won’t get any spousal maintenance - another reason not to become financially dependent upon him.
6. Poor health - neither of you can make medical decisions for the other. You are not “next of kin”. You can both do a Lasting Power of Attorney online for a fee; it’s fairly simple to do.
7. Death - make sure you both have Wills. Bear in mind that, if you die first, he could change his Will and give all your money to a new GF or subsequent children. You may prefer to leave your estate to your child with DP as the trustee until they reach 18/21. Get some proper legal advice.
8. Life insurance - as DP owns property he may already have life insurance (most mortgage companies insist on it). You may want to also take out a policy to ensure your child is provided for in the event of your death.
9. Death in service benefit - if your employment provides for this benefit, name your child as the beneficiary.

Since his whole contribution to the entire pregnancy was a nanolitre of sperm, the fact that this is the case sickens me to my core

@AllTheChatsAboutTea the advice about surnames isn't anything to do with legal rights. More the fact why should she allow her child to have a different surname to her just because her partner is a man? Nope. Op has confirmed she is happy to double barrel which is fine but most posters were just advising against automatically giving the baby the father's name rather than her own. Like she said if he wants them to have the same name then there's a way to fix that.

Like she said if he wants them to have the same name then there's a way to fix that.

Yes, he could change his name to hers. Whether or not they marry. Or he could double barrel his name to match the chikd's,

Who says the OP would change her name even if she did marry?

'Fixing' the name via marriage could make the OP's assets more vulnerable.

Hyphenating the child's name gives everyone options and reflects the child's parentage - a name from each.

OP - there is no real definition of Next of Kin in the UK. You can both put each other down as NoK in your medical notes and then you will each be the person the NHS contacts n an emergency and they will be prepared to share information with you.

You can state in your Will who you wish to make decisions about your funeral.
Everyone should have a lasting power of Attorney anyway, whether married or not.

Have you known this guy long? You're having a baby, don't live together and he's great because he's said you don't have to pay for all the baby costs?

Was this planned? How far pregnant are you?

@FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPleasei didn’t say he’s great because I don’t have to pay for all the baby costs, I was replying to posters who were concerned that the financial burden would be on me

@FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPleasei didn’t say he’s great because I don’t have to pay for all the baby costs, I was replying to posters who were concerned that the financial burden would be on me

And the other three questions?