Worried a man is trying to build a false sexual allegation against me — what do I do?

[Worriedmum222]

Just want some Advice please
A man I briefly knew (we weren’t in a proper relationship) is now implying I did something to him sexually. It was actually a consensual act that he requested and pushed for. I have messages showing it was his idea, but now I’ve heard he’s twisting it and telling people I forced him.

I’ve not contacted him since July 2024 when I messaged him once asking him to stop slandering me or I’d report him. He told me I was paranoid, denied living nearby, then blocked me. Since early 2025, I’ve experienced weird setups, neighbours being cold, and what feels like a smear campaign.

His family live close by. I’m a single mum and housebound most days due to anxiety. I don’t want police coming to my house unless absolutely necessary, especially because I live with a vulnerable child. But I’m scared — if he reports something false, will I have a chance to show my side first?

I did email the police a while ago as a kind of preemptive report just in case, but I never got a reply.

What can I do now to protect myself? I’ve never had issues with the law and I feel really alone.

You do sound a little paranoid tbh. What makes you think he is going to report you to the police after all this time?

Are you getting help for your anxiety? Because this would seem to be at the root of your worries - if you have evidence that the man asked for the act, then why are you concerned he would say you assaulted him? You have literal proof that you didn't.

So I think it might be your anxiety that's behind your fear. And getting help with it would probably make your life so much better in so many ways apart from not worrying about some utter tosspot in your past.

I'd also say the issue here is likely to be your anxiety. If you have proof why would he try and press charges?

I'm guessing this is another 'i wanted to be pegged and now I feel embarrassed so I'm blaming you'

Honestly as long as you have the proof of texts I'd say please stop worrying about something that in all likelihood will not happen. And if it does, you have proof.

@irrelevantdaughter as I’ve heard rumours that I’m the one that coerced him, heard him calling me sine derogatory names, had someone shout Diddy at me, so yes if that’s what you call it I’m paranoid I think anyone would be considering most people where I live avoid me due to him smearing my name

Has he done anything to make you believe he would be going to the police OP or is this anxiety talking?

What was the act? Is it something like anal on him and he's ashamed so being a dickhead?

@OwNoGeorge yes it is, he wanted the act and I was a bit unsure about at the time as never done this before, he assured me he had been pegged before, when he left he blocked me and started smearing me to every one in the community I live in, has provoked me from afar on off for years, acts like I’m harassing him when I’ve been no where near him, tells others I’m vile and ugly, it’s so hard to prove to police

@MNpenisadvisor yes it is, he’s obviously used me to try it out and didn’t like it, I don’t know blocked me and this was going back a few years now and still hear now and then rumours, unfortunately live near him and been walking on egg shells due to this

Surely this would be more embarrassing for him to be telling everybody?

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat hes smeared me to this day about it telling those he knows I pushed him into it, I don’t know these people, but they live licks and I’ve been shunned into thinking it’s me that’s a pervert

Do you have proof (ie like someone telling you this is what has happened) that he is smearing you? Only anxiety can make you perceive other people's behaviours in ways that they don't intend. It can warp your thinking until you believe that everyone has it in for you and is avoiding you - when it's your anxiety talking.

I really do think that your first step should be getting help for the anxiety and take it from there.

@buttery8 you would think he would be but no he’s making it look like I pushed him into it, he’s confessing to all he knows what he’s actually into but saying it was my idea, he’s smeared me to hell where I live, I’m relaising now he’s either a narc or a sociopath

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat Its actually caused my anxiety as yes I’ve heard them shouting horrible stuff at me, I felt guilty like I’ve done something wrong, I get laughed at and yes everyone near me take a wide birth from me

Hi OP, I really feel for you. I know what it’s like to have both experience of someone doing something similar (they had in fact SA-Ed me but did a lot of damage telling significant people I was “mad”, lying etc).
You will understandably be paranoid- in the sense of expectation and anticipation of people’s actions and responses to you.
You must try to get your feelings under control and I’ve found counselling helpful for that.
Re the police - defamation or slander are civil matters so the police can’t help you.
Id advise you to try this - print out screenshots of his texts and any other evidence of time he disappeared by blocking or anything anyone has said.
Write your account of his words and actions and any other evidence and your recollections. Put the evidence in a file somewhere safe (in case you deleted them by accident or post your phone), like the loft - out of sight out of mind.
Then tell yourself the law is on your side. You did nothing wrong. You will not live in fear. You have the evidence if he ever did report anything to the police.
Do not engage with him or anyone talking to you about him.
Have sensible protection for your house (eg ring doorbell) and work on enjoying your life (talk to Samaritans if you can’t afford counselling, get out with your child and enjoy as much as you can). He can only loom large in your mind if you let him.

OP I think you should go to your GP and tell them what you’re experiencing, It sounds like you need more support than what you’re getting.

@Cannongoose I’m on my own with my daughter who has Autism, I swear he targeted me was charming and yeah attractive, he had issues with ED and broadcasted that to everyone saying I was vile and ugly, I felt awful thinking I was at fault he contacted me one night asking to come over I was trying to say no as it was late etc, he just turned up at my door and I felt a bit pressured to let him in told him I heard him calling me names he says it was someone else, he more or less pleaded to me to do the act, told him I never done it before, he didn’t force me but felt I had to make it up to him as didn’t get erect in a previous encounter, he left blocked me I was besides myself I saved the messages as felt something off, he smeared me told his family stuff and I’ve been ostracised where I live, I sent a preemptive to police but don’t know what they woukd do with that, I had ambulance out as had a breakdown and told my GP about this, there’s been a recent smear campaign on me he was trying to bait me to react but I’ve tried to be no where near him and stay indoors mostly, I had talking therapies but, I still feel like he’s building something, as why try and bait me and set ups with him on a field with his parents and a woman near my window, it doesn’t make sense

I really do think this is your mental health issues talking. If I heard about town that some man was spreading rumours that some woman who happens to be my neighbour pegged him and he didn’t like it after all. I’d have a little giggle at his expense and think well done you about the woman. If it really was years ago and he is still going on about it, I would think he was deranged. If nothing else, I’d be really embarrassed for him that everyone knows his business. I wouldn’t think anything really about you.

This does sound like your anxiety tipping into paranoia and possibly OCD. Most people wouldn’t give this sort of thing a second thought and would get on with their lives. I think you need to go back to your GP because you need more support if this is preventing you leaving the house.

Honestly, just move, life is too short to be living is a little bubble like this, worrying about what other people think.

You know the truth and have evidence of it, your hiding away inside with your child, move and find your happiness again.

@mindutopia Never had mental health issues until this happened, the smearing and name calling has been horrible, he’s orchestrated setups and baiting to get me to react to a false narrative he’s told people he knows, why the “Diddy” name then

Oh what a dick head. Personally he needs to Have a swift kick in the balls but in the absence of that I'd print out his texts on a moonpig card and send it to him, saying if he continues his harassment, you'll send the card to everyone he knows.

Just a thought.

I've pegged two precious men. Both asked for it, neither complained afterwards (quite the opposite) but perhaps he's just incredibly insecure, possibly in the closet and ashamed of his sexual urges, but either way, not your problem. Also, not necessarily gay, one of mine decided to date men afterwards, the other not.

If he is harassing you, causing issues, possibly coerced you into a sexual act then put together a statement/notes of his actions and report to the police. Hopefully a word from them might put a stop to his antics.

@OwNoGeorge Thankyou for that, I feel this guy is in the closet I maybe wrong but heard some things myself about him, he’s shaming me for what he wanted, he’s provoked me from afar and tried to bait me to react I feel he’s up to something, swear he’s a narcissist the things he’s said about me is horrendous, I messaged him to tell him to stop slandering me, he said I’m paranoid never lived nearby, even though he coughs from afar claiming he isn’t there, talk about being gaslighted, and yes I saw him on a sex site wanting trans etc

So he’s attacking you to cover himself by the sounds of it. Deflection. I think mumofoneanddone’s advice is good.