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Original poster

Withdrawing DV report

69 replies

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 03:41

I reported a dv report against previous partner, I then got an email to say he will be invited for an interview.

I wanted to report this without it being escalated just so they had it on file somewhere. However I don’t want to persue the case.

how do I withdraw this without him knowing I made the report in the first place

please help very stressed out

OP posts:
Kedece · 31/03/2025 03:48

It's unlikely you can. You've made the allegation now & police have an obligation to follow it up.

This is where the 'log it with 101' advice on here can be a bad thing. Some things will automatically be flagged up for investigation.

You've done the right thing reporting

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 03:50

I logged it with 101 and officers came out to see me
my only worry is I wanted to make a log of it without him knowing just so it’s on file somewhere

but now they want to interview him and I’m worried what will happen next when I never wanted to escalate it

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 31/03/2025 03:52

They are not a filing service, if someone is violent they will do something that is the point of reporting it

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 03:52

I made it very clear when reporting that I do not want to take it further

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 31/03/2025 03:55

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 03:52

I made it very clear when reporting that I do not want to take it further

if they have committed an offence they dont just ignore that, it is worrying people dont understand you cant pick and choose in the legal system it doesnt work that way

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 04:00

When I reported the offence I was assured that nothing will go ahead without my scomsent which is why I reported in the first place

OP posts:
Kedece · 31/03/2025 04:09

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 03:50

I logged it with 101 and officers came out to see me
my only worry is I wanted to make a log of it without him knowing just so it’s on file somewhere

but now they want to interview him and I’m worried what will happen next when I never wanted to escalate it

This is why I despair when I see people giving advice on here to just have something logged.

If you report a crime it has to be investigated.

Speak to the officers who will be dealing with the incident & ask them to talk you through what happens next.

Never2many · 31/03/2025 04:16

You ring them and say you want to withdraw the allegations.

Honestly when will people realise that there’s no such thing as “logging it with 101.” If you ring 101 to report a crime then it will be treated as a crime and if necessary, investigated accordingly.

parietal · 31/03/2025 08:02

Why do you want to withdraw the report? It this man has been violent, it is a good thing for him to be investigated. Are you afraid that he or his family will cause trouble for you in future?

myfitbitisfucked · 31/03/2025 11:27

What did he do?

FortyElephants · 31/03/2025 11:32

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 04:00

When I reported the offence I was assured that nothing will go ahead without my scomsent which is why I reported in the first place

They shouldn't have told you that - in cases of DV they can prosecute without the victim's statement or consent if they have enough evidence.

DenholmElliot11 · 31/03/2025 11:34

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 04:00

When I reported the offence I was assured that nothing will go ahead without my scomsent which is why I reported in the first place

You've been lied to or (more likely) misunderstood.

Of course things will go ahead without your consent if deemed necessary.

I'm guessing that you were told to stay away from him but went to see him anyway and now you're afraid you'll be in trouble with SS for having contact with him when they told you not to? Am I close?

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 11:53

There’s no evidence of anything .. the only thing they have is me telling them what’s happened. The initial report, they asked me if I wanted to give a statement and I said no because I don’t want to take it further

OP posts:
noidea69 · 31/03/2025 11:59

myfitbitisfucked · 31/03/2025 11:27

What did he do?

yeah this, interesting to know what someone would do that would justify making a report, but also that that wasnt "enough" that you dont want it taking further.

Maitri108 · 31/03/2025 12:00

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 11:53

There’s no evidence of anything .. the only thing they have is me telling them what’s happened. The initial report, they asked me if I wanted to give a statement and I said no because I don’t want to take it further

What's the problem? Do you think he'll get aggressive if he's interviewed? Are you in danger? What's going on?

DenholmElliot11 · 31/03/2025 12:01

OK so now you HAVE to tell us what he did

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:07

We’re on a million times better terms and somewhat on a friendship level I feel like if he’s informed about the report he’ll never talk to me again or want anything to do with me

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 31/03/2025 12:09

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:07

We’re on a million times better terms and somewhat on a friendship level I feel like if he’s informed about the report he’ll never talk to me again or want anything to do with me

What was the DV incident? Highly unlikely he's not abusive in other ways.

NowYouSee · 31/03/2025 12:11

Why do you want to be friends with someone who has been violent towards you?

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:11

Ok in the best respects I’m not asking for you personal opinion or question what I’m asking I’m asking for mere advice

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 31/03/2025 12:14

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:11

Ok in the best respects I’m not asking for you personal opinion or question what I’m asking I’m asking for mere advice

Contact victim support.

Newcounty · 31/03/2025 12:16

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:07

We’re on a million times better terms and somewhat on a friendship level I feel like if he’s informed about the report he’ll never talk to me again or want anything to do with me

Do you have DC together? Do you mean you have a decent coparenting relationship or do you mean he is going through a period of Mr Nice Guy to lure you back in? Either way your report is important. If he has committed DV against you, he is not your friend. If you're in England, I'd recommend the Freedom programme.

Original poster
kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:18

No we do have a child together and he is an amazing dad we went through one rough patch through our entire relationship however we are not co parenting really well I just feel like this will jeopardise that

OP posts:
taylorsdoingapart · 31/03/2025 12:18

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:07

We’re on a million times better terms and somewhat on a friendship level I feel like if he’s informed about the report he’ll never talk to me again or want anything to do with me

And this is exactly why it's a good idea that they can prosecute DV without the victims agreeing to it. You need to keep away from him and one day you will realise you did the right thing reporting it

BodyKeepingScore · 31/03/2025 12:20

kittykat5839 · 31/03/2025 12:07

We’re on a million times better terms and somewhat on a friendship level I feel like if he’s informed about the report he’ll never talk to me again or want anything to do with me

You reported an offence. The fact that you have subsequently repaired your relationship with this man does not mean he is no longer guilty of having committed the offence.
The police, rightly, have a duty to investigate where they believe a crime has been committed.