Baby Daddy Problems

[taytay100]

Hi Mums,
abit of a serious one and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

i have a 7 month old, me and his father have been separated now from November 2024, he is on the child’s birth certificate.

however he lives around 40 miles away from me and lives with his mum.
he has came down a couple of times to see the child during the day but that is it.

he rang me today and said he will be taking the child on Friday whether I like it or not, I said I do not feel comfortable with this as the child has became very attached to me and has started making strange with people.

I have said to him on multiple occasions him and his family can come see the child anytime for the day but overnights I just don’t feel ok with the child being away from me.

me and his family don’t get along we never have so there is no way I could go up along with the child.

anyways, my baby dad said because he is on the birth certificate there is nothing I can do, he can come take the child no matter what I say or do.

i have said now that it won’t be happening and he just can’t come take the child without me allowing it.
but he says he can and he will be taking the child and then hung up on me.

he said he will see me on Friday and to make sure I’ve his bag packed for the weekend.

I just would like to know what way I can go about this as he says I have no choice and because of him on birth certificate I have no choice really.

my nerves are completely wrecked as he is still so young to be away from his mum.

im scared incase he arrives at my door and takes the child from me.

what way can I go about this please?

I wouldn't be answering the front door for a start. Can you stay with your family this weekend? I wouldn't even be answering the phone to him. Tell him to text/email. Start getting stuff in writing, you may need it as evidence.

Firstly don't be there
Secondly don't hand over your child or allow him in your house. Make sure the only way he can do it is by physically grabbing the child from you, which is assault.

Be elsewhere and tell him to get a court order. Do you claim cms?

Thank you, it’s so horrible things have turned out this way, we where getting on really well until he brought up overnights and I said no, now he is saying because he is on birth certificate I have no choice in the matter.

it’s just awful xx

No! He isn’t working so I’m currently on maternity leave but I provide everything for the child, food, clothes all on my own.

Don’t be in. An overnight at this age is not in the best interests of the baby.

Download an app and record your phone calls. It will come in handy later if he continues to be unreasonable. This is not unreasonable and is admissible in court.

the whole thing has really upset me, he’s saying I’ve no choice as he’s on birth certificate

You don’t engage, you don’t answer the door and you tell him to make an application to court for contact. Are you breastfeeding?

Seeing as though he’s named on the birth certificate, you need to get a Child Arrangement Order in place as soon as possible.
Right now, without that, you both have parental responsibility and no legal arrangement that prevents him from access to the child. Unless he physically snatched the baby from your arms, legally it wouldn’t be classed as kidnapping or anything because he has parental responsibility.
Make sure you have any evidence (if there is any!) to support any concerns you have about the safety and wellbeing of your child in his care.
The court’s main concern is the wellbeing of the child. They make decisions based on what is in the best interests of the child - and at 7 months old, I’d argue that overnights might not be in the child’s best interests if dad hasn’t had much input with his care up until now.

No im not breastfeeding, its he thinks he has all this authority because he’s on the birth certificate however im the one who provides for the child xx

The arrangement needs to be made formal and you need some legal advice, OP, so he doesn't bully you. You could ring the helpline of this charity to begin with

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

This is exactly why women with flaky partners are always advised on here not to put these men on the birth certificate.

OP don't be at home. Stay somewhere else. And get some legal advice, pronto.

If you have to stay at home lock all the doors and ring 999 if he kicks off.

I don’t think the police will be able to do anything as he is on the birth certificate

They will if he’s being aggressive and trespassing on your property

Of course they will. Being on a birth certificate does not give you the right to try and break into someone's home. They will come and assess the situation and with a very young baby, likely to tell him to go away.

Also seek advice about how to slowly build up contact between your child and his/her father.

This will build a relationship between them and give you a confidence that your child is cared for whilst with their dad.

It is likely, in the longer term, that your baby’s father will be given contact, if this went to court.
Don't give him chance to say you are frustrating contact as this can go against you.
Mediation is a good starting point to agree contact.

I hope he hasn't got a key op?

He does however my door locks from the inside which is good.

I hate that it has came to all this but I just think they baby is far too young to be away from his mum

If he’s no longer living there and won’t give the key back, you need to get the locks changed.

Of course they can
Being on a Birth certificate does not mean you can break into a house and assault someone

I mean he has PR. However it is highly unlikely the court would award overnights with a 7 month old he’s barely spent time with. It’s nothing to do with who provides financially so forget about that.

You need legal advice and fast. I’d speak to CAB in the first instance and let them signpost you. There are also other useful links provided in this thread.

Again, be out or ignore the door at the weekend . Make sure you’re safe and locked and if he kicks off, call the police. You do not have to hand your baby over regardless of what he says. Do not be pressured into doing so. He hasn’t got a leg to stand on without a court order. Do not open the door to him because if he grabs your baby and goes off, there is fuck all the police will do. So don’t let it get to that.

Also change the locks as quickly as you can. He should not have access to your home.

They will if he becomes abusive/ aggressive.