Baby Daddy Problems

[taytay100]

Hi Mums,
abit of a serious one and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

i have a 7 month old, me and his father have been separated now from November 2024, he is on the child’s birth certificate.

however he lives around 40 miles away from me and lives with his mum.
he has came down a couple of times to see the child during the day but that is it.

he rang me today and said he will be taking the child on Friday whether I like it or not, I said I do not feel comfortable with this as the child has became very attached to me and has started making strange with people.

I have said to him on multiple occasions him and his family can come see the child anytime for the day but overnights I just don’t feel ok with the child being away from me.

me and his family don’t get along we never have so there is no way I could go up along with the child.

anyways, my baby dad said because he is on the birth certificate there is nothing I can do, he can come take the child no matter what I say or do.

i have said now that it won’t be happening and he just can’t come take the child without me allowing it.
but he says he can and he will be taking the child and then hung up on me.

he said he will see me on Friday and to make sure I’ve his bag packed for the weekend.

I just would like to know what way I can go about this as he says I have no choice and because of him on birth certificate I have no choice really.

my nerves are completely wrecked as he is still so young to be away from his mum.

im scared incase he arrives at my door and takes the child from me.

what way can I go about this please?

I agree with others - get some proper legal advice ASAP. You're going to need to face sorting longer terms access arrangements and responsibilities at some point.

They will if he kicks off, threatens to break down the door and tries to take the child from her arms.

The baby has seen him twice in 4 months, to a child of that age he is a stranger.

He can say what he wants but he isnt right that he can just take him, he really isnt.

He thinks he can bully you into doing what he wants, so its up to you to protect your son and stand up to him. I know its hard but the courts, social services and the police are there to help. Use them.

IF

Police don't work on IF.

The OP hasn't said anything about him kicking off.

She has asked in LEGAL for legal advice. Not stories about things that aren't true.

She does need legal advice on how to work with the father to begin to establish contact. This will increase as the baby grows.

What are you talking about?! No one is suggesting she call the police now! Just that if he does turn up and start kicking off, she can call police and they will help. She thought that they wouldnt because he is on the BC, and that isnt true, she needs to know that to help her protect herself.

You should not provide anything when a child goes to their other parent. That is there responsibility to organise, not yours.

Huh?

It says in the OP that the criminal requires a pre packed bag for his kid. It's his responsibility to provide for his child during his contact time.

When you say a couple, has he actually visited twice in the baby's life? You need to be specific.

He is entitled to overnights with his son. If he's really only met him twice, then the courts would look at gradually increasing contact over the next few months, building up to regular overnights.

He used to live with us up until we separated in November, my baby was born in August.

since he moved away he’s only seen the baby twice even though I have given him multiple chances to come spend time with the baby..
sorry I wasn’t more specific in the post I tried to edit it in but it wouldn’t let me.

You don’t have to be home.

Even if you do end up agreeing to some visits eventually, you don’t have to pack a bag. Dad is responsible for having everything his child needs. Diapers, formula, clothing, a car seat, and a safe place to sleep. He should be asking you for sizes and brands. If he isn’t prepared, he has no business trying to care for his child for even an hour.

Well it's obviously not realistic that he comes and takes him for a whole weekend after seeing him twice in 4 months, so I would work together with him on some sort of plan for increasing contact so that in 6 months time he's having regular overnights, if that's what he wants.

Yep this. Tell him that in order for you to pick up you son the car seat he needs will cost him £150+.....and no he cant just use yours.

Also I suspect that this isnt him, its his mother. She wants to see her grandchild and is pushing for this (and also telling him he has "rights" that he doesnt actually have).

Yes, his mother is definitely behind it I think, I have said his family are welcome to come up here anytime to see the child as they all drive so nothing is stopping them, they’re just making things awkward.

i just don’t feel comfortable with overnights without me as he is still so young. But his dad just keeps saying he will be coming to take the child regardless what I say because he has rights.

He is entitled to overnights with his son. If he's really only met him twice, then the courts would look at gradually increasing contact over the next few months, building up to regular overnights

It would be rare for a court to enforce an arrangement involving overnights at 7mo, even if he hadn’t only seen him twice, as it’s recognised not to be in the best interest of a child that age. It would absolutely end up occurring but that wouldn’t start until considerably later.

I’d just tell him it’s best to formalise things so it’s best he initiate a court order, which commences with mediation, so there is an agreed schedule, and you will happily facilitate when that’s in place.

I’d also change the locks pronto.