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Original poster

Baby Daddy Problems

65 replies

taytay100 · 19/03/2025 17:22

Hi Mums,
abit of a serious one and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

i have a 7 month old, me and his father have been separated now from November 2024, he is on the child’s birth certificate.

however he lives around 40 miles away from me and lives with his mum.
he has came down a couple of times to see the child during the day but that is it.

he rang me today and said he will be taking the child on Friday whether I like it or not, I said I do not feel comfortable with this as the child has became very attached to me and has started making strange with people.

I have said to him on multiple occasions him and his family can come see the child anytime for the day but overnights I just don’t feel ok with the child being away from me.

me and his family don’t get along we never have so there is no way I could go up along with the child.

anyways, my baby dad said because he is on the birth certificate there is nothing I can do, he can come take the child no matter what I say or do.

i have said now that it won’t be happening and he just can’t come take the child without me allowing it.
but he says he can and he will be taking the child and then hung up on me.

he said he will see me on Friday and to make sure I’ve his bag packed for the weekend.

I just would like to know what way I can go about this as he says I have no choice and because of him on birth certificate I have no choice really.

my nerves are completely wrecked as he is still so young to be away from his mum.

im scared incase he arrives at my door and takes the child from me.

what way can I go about this please?

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 19/03/2025 17:55

You need legal advice asap and to seek a Child Arrangement Order. As his name is on the birth certificate, then you need a CAO asap.

Sunat45degrees · 19/03/2025 17:56

The "I can take the child becuase I'm on the birth certificate" argument, would apply equally to you ie "I can keep the child because I am on the birth certificate". So if you refuse to hand her over, he would have to take you to court. Let him do that.

Use the resources on this thread to start seeing what your legal options are. In the short term, don't be there. I would also formally respond (via text or email) to say that you don't believe it is in the baby's interests to be away from you for so long at this time as she doesn't know her father or grandmother well enough but that you are happy to continue to agree supervised contact, building up to increased contact, potentially overnight, over time as the baby gets older.

Mumofoneandone · 19/03/2025 17:57

taytay100 · 19/03/2025 17:48

He does however my door locks from the inside which is good.

I hate that it has came to all this but I just think they baby is far too young to be away from his mum

Show quote history

Get your locks changed asap.
Get legal advice tomorrow,to look at emergency court pending an agreement.
Either have someone with you or don't be at home.
Text /email backing up what you have said ie he can not demand to take his baby away for a weekend when there is no real relationship there. It is not in the child's best interest.

Original poster
taytay100 · 19/03/2025 17:58

I know a probably sound like a crazy woman it’s just I really don’t feel comfortable with the baby being away from me overnight as he is still so young.
But being told I don’t have a choice is just upsetting me even more

OP posts:
Sunat45degrees · 19/03/2025 18:02

taytay100 · 19/03/2025 17:58

I know a probably sound like a crazy woman it’s just I really don’t feel comfortable with the baby being away from me overnight as he is still so young.
But being told I don’t have a choice is just upsetting me even more

You don't sound crazy. I'm not sure that anyone would agree that sending a chidl who has spent 90% of their time with their mother, and NO Overnights with anyone else, should be sent off for 2 nights with a relative stranger.

And of course it's annoying when you are TOLD what to do.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/03/2025 18:07

taytay100 · 19/03/2025 17:58

I know a probably sound like a crazy woman it’s just I really don’t feel comfortable with the baby being away from me overnight as he is still so young.
But being told I don’t have a choice is just upsetting me even more

You don't sound crazy. Not at all.

You're quite right that a seven month baby is too young to be taken away from their mother, unless the baby is really familiar with the other person.

Even then, young babies always prefer the safety and familiarity of their mothers.

Your baby's father would be cruel just to snatch the baby when he barely knows him.

TheMerryWidow1 · 19/03/2025 18:09

please don’t hand over your child, he might refuse to return the baby. You are definitely not crazy just a worried Mum.

offmynut · 19/03/2025 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stripeyanddotty · 19/03/2025 18:15

@offmynut
Really? Are you that spectacularly stupid?

offmynut · 19/03/2025 18:16

Stripeyanddotty · 19/03/2025 18:15

@offmynut
Really? Are you that spectacularly stupid?

Thanks for the feedback have a good evening.

Stripeyanddotty · 19/03/2025 18:17

You too.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/03/2025 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I wondered when someone would be along with this comment.
Hmm

Original poster
taytay100 · 19/03/2025 18:27

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/03/2025 18:27

I wondered when someone would be along with this comment.
Hmm

Show quote history

There is always one

OP posts:
Original poster
taytay100 · 19/03/2025 18:28

He does have a criminal record and he does smoke weed also ( please don’t judge Me ) I’m just wondering if this will help my side of the story?

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 19/03/2025 18:29

Op this is likely going to become an on going problem. He has pr so if he sees baby on the street or a park or you leave him at nursery then there is nothing legally stopping him from taking your child.

Rather then depending on just avoiding him which you can't guarantee then it would be best to just get a child arrangement sorted asap. You can agree to overnights from e.g. two years old with gradual build up before then.

The alternative is risking him just taking ds and refusing to return him and you having to take him to court anyway with the added distress of separation from ds.

Also. WHY aren't you getting CM off him?

Original poster
taytay100 · 19/03/2025 18:32

Cerialkiller · 19/03/2025 18:29

Op this is likely going to become an on going problem. He has pr so if he sees baby on the street or a park or you leave him at nursery then there is nothing legally stopping him from taking your child.

Rather then depending on just avoiding him which you can't guarantee then it would be best to just get a child arrangement sorted asap. You can agree to overnights from e.g. two years old with gradual build up before then.

The alternative is risking him just taking ds and refusing to return him and you having to take him to court anyway with the added distress of separation from ds.

Also. WHY aren't you getting CM off him?

He doesn’t work, I have asked him multiple times for help however he just says he will get the child stuff for his mums house but not for the house the child lives in permanently!

i have said to him that i need the help with money as im only on SMP so it isn’t much as he is constantly needing new clothes etc.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 19/03/2025 18:36

You need to get a court order asap. You need to be the resident parent legally so he can't just snatch the child.

The police can intervene if he turns up and causes a disturbance.

You must change your locks asap. Hes not a co-owner or co-tenant is he?

offmynut · 19/03/2025 18:41

taytay100 · 19/03/2025 18:27

There is always one

Show quote history

Yeah just so happens to be me first lol i feel like ive won something.

Cerialkiller · 19/03/2025 18:47

Fair enough.

I would think the weed smoking and criminal record would help your case yes. You could ask for a drug test for example although I don't know how low the bar would be for overnights, it's likely depressingly low.

Even more reason to get this all recorded in court.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/03/2025 19:01

The key to being on the birth certicate is that he parental RESPONSIBILITY not rights.

Children have right, parents have responsibilities. In this case your child has a right to see his father, which you are providing.

I would suggest that you see a solicitor tomorrow if possible and let them deal with him. It may cost but it will be worth it. In the meantime, either dont be there or have someone with you on Friday and yes you can call the police if he starts kicking off. PR or no, harrassment and intimidation are still illegal. No court would award overnights to him with a 7 month old he has seen twice.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 19/03/2025 19:13

@taytay100 change the locks immediately. he does not need a key if he does not live there. do as pp's have said and go out or phone the police. you can also go to a solicitor. what country are you in?

Original poster
taytay100 · 19/03/2025 19:14

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/03/2025 19:01

The key to being on the birth certicate is that he parental RESPONSIBILITY not rights.

Children have right, parents have responsibilities. In this case your child has a right to see his father, which you are providing.

I would suggest that you see a solicitor tomorrow if possible and let them deal with him. It may cost but it will be worth it. In the meantime, either dont be there or have someone with you on Friday and yes you can call the police if he starts kicking off. PR or no, harrassment and intimidation are still illegal. No court would award overnights to him with a 7 month old he has seen twice.

Sorry I didn’t make it clear on my post, he did live with us until the child was about 3 months old until he moved back in with his mum, since then he has seen him a couple times and that’s been it.

its just him saying “you dont have a choice and I will be taking him wether you like it or not”
is the part I’m finding very frustrating

OP posts:
Idonthavemytoolsmycloak · 19/03/2025 19:16

You haven't said if you have anywhere else to be at the weekend?

And no, he can't rip your child from your arms because he's on the birth cert. As pp have said, that would be assault.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 19/03/2025 19:20

@taytay100 you can also still get cms from him if he is unemployed. its only £7 per week but it is better than nothing! you need to start doing things.

MarnieJADE · 19/03/2025 19:22

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 17:49

Of course they can
Being on a Birth certificate does not mean you can break into a house and assault someone

Show quote history

break into a house and assault someone
Where does the OP say that?

The police will not involve themselves in a dad knocking on the door to collect his child, a child he is the parent of.