How best to give someone certain rights etc without marrying them?

[GallopingGuineaPigs]

Sorry not really sure quite how to phrase it!

Basically I have a DC with my very good friend (A), but we aren't "together" and have no intention of ever being so. We live separately (but very close by to each other) and co parent brilliantly with a roughly 50/50 share of care, and regular time together as a family (which is what we are, just not a conventional nuclear one).

A is from a very religious family who have pretty much cut him off due to him leaving the religion and being a terrible sinner. However if anything was to happen to A, they're technically his next of kin and he doesn't want them to be making medical decisions about him or to arrange his funeral - he wants me to be able to make all decisions if he is incapacitated/deceased. A and I also want each other to be easily able to deal with basically anything and everything paperwork and legal wise in the event of one of us dying. Our DC has some additional needs so even as an adult is likely to need more care/support and an appointee etc. ATM this is all in my name but we want any potential transfer of all the paperwork etc to be as easy as possible.

Neither of us have any money to speak of, although I may inherit in future and would want to pass anything on to my children (I also have an older child, who is not A's) but probably with A as a trustee or similar for our child. But there's no money right now to pay for financial advice etc. I'm self employed and claiming UC, A lives a lifestyle that requires very little money (think self sufficient off grid hut in the woods 😂).

We wondered about getting a civil partnership registered but that seems to be for couples, which we categorically aren't! So what are we looking for?

For your child putting him on the birth certificate should be the first step.

Wishes laid out in a Will for anything following death and he can prepay and arrange his own funeral. I've already paid for a direct cremation for myself so others don't have to worry about it.

next of Kin isn't so much of a thing in the UK, Lasting Power of Attorney is but that's quite a serious thing and normally for those with terminal or other serious illnesses.

Power of attorney is suggest.
Going to see a solicitor together and asking about your options could be a good idea.

Next of Kin is a fairly nebulous concept across UK.

Whichever British jurisdiction, what you need is Power of Attorney drawn up in each other's favour (both for health and for finances)

To cover death, then you each need a Will, and possibly naming each other as executor (or a third party that is not his family)

Power of attorney dies with you though so wouldn’t give any rights after death.
I would consider a civil partnership - although not sure if this would affect any benefits. It would help with raising your inheritance tax allowance and may help with pension rights etc.

Power of attorney would mean you could make decisions re health and finance on his behalf if he lost capacity. Check gov.uk - you can do it yourselves with a fee.
you both should make wills.

He is on the birth certificate, I should have said that!

But we are talking about having certain rights relating to each other, rather than relating to our child.

A civil partnership probably wouldn't be suitable as I assume it would raise suspicions about my UC claim as a single person! And we are not partners, do not live together, and do not have a sexual relationship so I think it possibly wouldn't even be a valid partnership, would it?

Civil partnership would be perfect as long of neither of you want to marry in the future.

You need poa for health and wealth-it doesn’t matter that it goes/dies with you. You don’t need a solicitor but do need wills and in those need to state the guardian (s) for your child. Poa is for everyone-we should all probably get it when we are young-it’s certainly not for when there’s a problem-that’s too fucking late!

He has PR for our child so presumably that will just be simple in the event of my sudden demise - or does he need to be specifically named as a guardian in my will too?

Even though we aren't partners and won't ever be living together?

I know money is tight but you do need a solicitor. I got my will, changed house ownership, arrangements for children and a couple of other things done for approx £500. Worth it to know everything is in order.

A civil partnership would mean A would inherit from you unless you set out in your will eg your children wouldn't automatically inherit. And would probably affect your UC claim. It might seem unlikely right now but you should think about future relationships and what being in a civil partnership might mean - even if it's non romantic one. Your will needs to consider your older dc - would A take care of them as well?

You need LPOAs for each other for during your lives. It’s not just for terminal illness as stated above - DH and I did ours years ago, and mine also has my adult DS as attorney. They aren’t active as they aren’t currently ended. I don’t think civil partnership gives you quite what you need.

For after death you need wills, and you can make any statements you like in a will specifically excluding individuals.

Power of Attorney for Health & Welfare, and Finance. You can specify under what conditions they apply. They can also be revoked if you change your mind. Post death, Will and Executorship. If your child will need ongoing support into adulthood, you need proper legal advice. Find a solicitor who does Estate Planning, they will look at everything and work out the best solution.

£500 is absolutely out of reach, we don't have £500 spare between us at the moment!

It's not so much about the DC, they both have a father on their BC who has PR and who will do the right thing for them. It's about being able to manage each others affairs and post-death arrangements. A does not want his family to have any say at all in what happens to him in the event of incapacitation or in terms of his funeral. I want A to be able to manage my financial affairs and deal with any and all paperwork if I die - taking over as our child's appointee etc. There's no simple way that I can see to line up someone "in waiting" so that transferring stuff like the DLA claim is straightforward, is there, regardless of if A has PR or not.

We will look into POA as that sounds like the most suitable option so far!

(This has all been pushed to the forefront of my mind due to the sudden and unexpected death of a close friend last week, she leaves 4 young children and on top of the obvious devastation her unmarried partner is struggling to deal with certain stuff as he isn't recognised in any way as her next of kin or relation )

Even though there is no estate? I live in a rented house and drive a 2006 Skoda, I've got less than £1k to my name... I may inherit in future but both parents are relatively young and in good health so that doesn't seem like it'll be any time soon!

You could set up Living Power of Attorney (there are two topic areas: health/wellbeing and financial) that let one of you make decisions on the other’s behalf if the other is incapacitated. And you could set up Wills to leave assets to your child or, if you wish, to the co-parent.

Civil Partnership would be like a marriage in that it would mean your co-parent will in effect own 50% of anything you acquire in the future, which does not sound like what you want.

The only problem with the LPAs is that you probably need to pay a lawyer to set it up for you. I do not think there is any way around that.

On mobile so can't quote, but yew civil partnerships. I don't live with my civil partner.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I had a similar situation which prompted me to try to get various things sorted. It's sensible to plan what you might need to do.

As you are on UC you might be able to get some advice from a law centre eg www.lawcentres.org.uk/get-help

LPAs do not require a lawyer, they’re very easy to set up albeit a bit of a long winded process. It sounds like this is what you need for decision-making whilst alive. For after death he needs to arrange his own funeral so that plans are made (and paid for) in accordance with his wishes, and if you made each other executors of each others wills then that would give some control over things too.

I agree that an LPA does not require a lawyer. My husband and I did ours last year. It's not at all complicated - you just need to follow the instructions very carefully.

Details here. www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

If normally costs £82 but you may be exempt if you receive certain benefits.

Thanks for clarifying that - I did not know, and am glad to learn it!

Do you not have life insurance? If your son will be unable to live independently, you must have something in place to assure his future? The solicitor can make sure that everything is structured properly.

You don't need to be a romantic couple to get a civil partnership, or married. It's a legal contract, the "to have and to hold" bits are optional extras. Of course you'd need to consider your specific circumstances, I don't know whether it would impact Universal Credit, but if CP/marriage would best meet your needs the option is there. As long as you're unrelated unmarried adults, you can get married.

Only thing with LPA, doesn't it cease on death? So it wouldn't help you with post death arrangements.

Marriage and civil partnership cost money too, and you will still need the LPOAs.

Wills are an entirely separate issue. You can leave everything to your child/children in a trust until they are of age, with each other as trustees. This will cost you but have a look on the Moneysaving Expert website for advice on how to do this as cheaply as possible.

In terms of taking over your child’s appointments, if their dad has parental responsibility that should be relatively straightforward.

There’s some inaccurate information in this thread.