How best to give someone certain rights etc without marrying them?

[GallopingGuineaPigs]

Sorry not really sure quite how to phrase it!

Basically I have a DC with my very good friend (A), but we aren't "together" and have no intention of ever being so. We live separately (but very close by to each other) and co parent brilliantly with a roughly 50/50 share of care, and regular time together as a family (which is what we are, just not a conventional nuclear one).

A is from a very religious family who have pretty much cut him off due to him leaving the religion and being a terrible sinner. However if anything was to happen to A, they're technically his next of kin and he doesn't want them to be making medical decisions about him or to arrange his funeral - he wants me to be able to make all decisions if he is incapacitated/deceased. A and I also want each other to be easily able to deal with basically anything and everything paperwork and legal wise in the event of one of us dying. Our DC has some additional needs so even as an adult is likely to need more care/support and an appointee etc. ATM this is all in my name but we want any potential transfer of all the paperwork etc to be as easy as possible.

Neither of us have any money to speak of, although I may inherit in future and would want to pass anything on to my children (I also have an older child, who is not A's) but probably with A as a trustee or similar for our child. But there's no money right now to pay for financial advice etc. I'm self employed and claiming UC, A lives a lifestyle that requires very little money (think self sufficient off grid hut in the woods 😂).

We wondered about getting a civil partnership registered but that seems to be for couples, which we categorically aren't! So what are we looking for?

Which is why wills are needed naming each other as executor.

It's not the best way to do it but you can download will templates and you need to get them witnessed by non beneficiaries.

Power of attorney for health means you would speak for him if incapacitated but you can also simply inform your gp about who should be contacted

Another in agreement about LPOA and wills.

In November there's usually a campaign to encourage people to write them. Wills often offered for £50 - as long as it's straightforward. Here's the website www.willaid.org.uk/

I think LPA does what you need prior to death.

Post death most things would be covered by a will and you being an Executor. A will can contain wishes for funeral etc. Normally a relative is required to register a death. Although there are exceptions you could find this a sticking point. Until you have the will and death certificate then there’s not much that can be done by NOK, but there were definitely a couple of occasions where people will want to talk to or notify them (In my case I was Executor for an elderly relative and couple of people insisted on writing/talking to my 90 yr old father who was NOK).

You don't have to have a solicitor to set up a Power of Attorney. DH and I did it ourselves, but you have to be very careful about the order it's signed in.

We're married, but we did it at MIL's urging. She found it invaluable when FIL got dementia and she had to deal with his finances and health.

Ok so LPOA will do some of what we need.

What would give us the ability to register each others deaths?

I think you can - as a family friend, nothing to do with the LPOA as that expires on death. Although I'm not sure what would happen if your friend's family found out before his death was registered.

One thing I know some have found useful is the have a joint bank account. Once a death has been registered and you've informed all relevant banks - all accounts are frozen until probate is granted. But joint accounts are left open to use. Doesn't sound like you have a lot of spare cash but if you did have a couple of hundred as a bit of a float that might be useful.

Websites such as Aged UK have some very useful information on managing estates following a death, as well.

You can register someone’s death if you were present at the death, or if a family member is unavailable. I don’t know how “unavailable” is defined though.

As the executor of each other’s will, the bank would give you access to funds for the funeral, but I guess planning your own funerals now would help with all of that. Sadly all this costs money that you don’t have.

Life insurance 😱 I thought that was just for people with mortgages or high paid careers tbh?