How best to give someone certain rights etc without marrying them?

[GallopingGuineaPigs]

Sorry not really sure quite how to phrase it!

Basically I have a DC with my very good friend (A), but we aren't "together" and have no intention of ever being so. We live separately (but very close by to each other) and co parent brilliantly with a roughly 50/50 share of care, and regular time together as a family (which is what we are, just not a conventional nuclear one).

A is from a very religious family who have pretty much cut him off due to him leaving the religion and being a terrible sinner. However if anything was to happen to A, they're technically his next of kin and he doesn't want them to be making medical decisions about him or to arrange his funeral - he wants me to be able to make all decisions if he is incapacitated/deceased. A and I also want each other to be easily able to deal with basically anything and everything paperwork and legal wise in the event of one of us dying. Our DC has some additional needs so even as an adult is likely to need more care/support and an appointee etc. ATM this is all in my name but we want any potential transfer of all the paperwork etc to be as easy as possible.

Neither of us have any money to speak of, although I may inherit in future and would want to pass anything on to my children (I also have an older child, who is not A's) but probably with A as a trustee or similar for our child. But there's no money right now to pay for financial advice etc. I'm self employed and claiming UC, A lives a lifestyle that requires very little money (think self sufficient off grid hut in the woods 😂).

We wondered about getting a civil partnership registered but that seems to be for couples, which we categorically aren't! So what are we looking for?

Life insurance 😱 I thought that was just for people with mortgages or high paid careers tbh?

You can register someone’s death if you were present at the death, or if a family member is unavailable. I don’t know how “unavailable” is defined though.

As the executor of each other’s will, the bank would give you access to funds for the funeral, but I guess planning your own funerals now would help with all of that. Sadly all this costs money that you don’t have.

I think you can - as a family friend, nothing to do with the LPOA as that expires on death. Although I'm not sure what would happen if your friend's family found out before his death was registered.

One thing I know some have found useful is the have a joint bank account. Once a death has been registered and you've informed all relevant banks - all accounts are frozen until probate is granted. But joint accounts are left open to use. Doesn't sound like you have a lot of spare cash but if you did have a couple of hundred as a bit of a float that might be useful.

Websites such as Aged UK have some very useful information on managing estates following a death, as well.

Ok so LPOA will do some of what we need.

What would give us the ability to register each others deaths?

You don't have to have a solicitor to set up a Power of Attorney. DH and I did it ourselves, but you have to be very careful about the order it's signed in.

We're married, but we did it at MIL's urging. She found it invaluable when FIL got dementia and she had to deal with his finances and health.

I think LPA does what you need prior to death.

Post death most things would be covered by a will and you being an Executor. A will can contain wishes for funeral etc. Normally a relative is required to register a death. Although there are exceptions you could find this a sticking point. Until you have the will and death certificate then there’s not much that can be done by NOK, but there were definitely a couple of occasions where people will want to talk to or notify them (In my case I was Executor for an elderly relative and couple of people insisted on writing/talking to my 90 yr old father who was NOK).

Another in agreement about LPOA and wills.

In November there's usually a campaign to encourage people to write them. Wills often offered for £50 - as long as it's straightforward. Here's the website www.willaid.org.uk/

It's not the best way to do it but you can download will templates and you need to get them witnessed by non beneficiaries.

Power of attorney for health means you would speak for him if incapacitated but you can also simply inform your gp about who should be contacted

Which is why wills are needed naming each other as executor.

Marriage and civil partnership cost money too, and you will still need the LPOAs.

Wills are an entirely separate issue. You can leave everything to your child/children in a trust until they are of age, with each other as trustees. This will cost you but have a look on the Moneysaving Expert website for advice on how to do this as cheaply as possible.

In terms of taking over your child’s appointments, if their dad has parental responsibility that should be relatively straightforward.

There’s some inaccurate information in this thread.

Only thing with LPA, doesn't it cease on death? So it wouldn't help you with post death arrangements.

You don't need to be a romantic couple to get a civil partnership, or married. It's a legal contract, the "to have and to hold" bits are optional extras. Of course you'd need to consider your specific circumstances, I don't know whether it would impact Universal Credit, but if CP/marriage would best meet your needs the option is there. As long as you're unrelated unmarried adults, you can get married.

Do you not have life insurance? If your son will be unable to live independently, you must have something in place to assure his future? The solicitor can make sure that everything is structured properly.

Thanks for clarifying that - I did not know, and am glad to learn it!

I agree that an LPA does not require a lawyer. My husband and I did ours last year. It's not at all complicated - you just need to follow the instructions very carefully.

Details here. www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

If normally costs £82 but you may be exempt if you receive certain benefits.

LPAs do not require a lawyer, they’re very easy to set up albeit a bit of a long winded process. It sounds like this is what you need for decision-making whilst alive. For after death he needs to arrange his own funeral so that plans are made (and paid for) in accordance with his wishes, and if you made each other executors of each others wills then that would give some control over things too.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I had a similar situation which prompted me to try to get various things sorted. It's sensible to plan what you might need to do.

As you are on UC you might be able to get some advice from a law centre eg www.lawcentres.org.uk/get-help

On mobile so can't quote, but yew civil partnerships. I don't live with my civil partner.

You could set up Living Power of Attorney (there are two topic areas: health/wellbeing and financial) that let one of you make decisions on the other’s behalf if the other is incapacitated. And you could set up Wills to leave assets to your child or, if you wish, to the co-parent.

Civil Partnership would be like a marriage in that it would mean your co-parent will in effect own 50% of anything you acquire in the future, which does not sound like what you want.

The only problem with the LPAs is that you probably need to pay a lawyer to set it up for you. I do not think there is any way around that.

Even though there is no estate? I live in a rented house and drive a 2006 Skoda, I've got less than £1k to my name... I may inherit in future but both parents are relatively young and in good health so that doesn't seem like it'll be any time soon!

£500 is absolutely out of reach, we don't have £500 spare between us at the moment!

It's not so much about the DC, they both have a father on their BC who has PR and who will do the right thing for them. It's about being able to manage each others affairs and post-death arrangements. A does not want his family to have any say at all in what happens to him in the event of incapacitation or in terms of his funeral. I want A to be able to manage my financial affairs and deal with any and all paperwork if I die - taking over as our child's appointee etc. There's no simple way that I can see to line up someone "in waiting" so that transferring stuff like the DLA claim is straightforward, is there, regardless of if A has PR or not.

We will look into POA as that sounds like the most suitable option so far!

(This has all been pushed to the forefront of my mind due to the sudden and unexpected death of a close friend last week, she leaves 4 young children and on top of the obvious devastation her unmarried partner is struggling to deal with certain stuff as he isn't recognised in any way as her next of kin or relation )

Power of Attorney for Health & Welfare, and Finance. You can specify under what conditions they apply. They can also be revoked if you change your mind. Post death, Will and Executorship. If your child will need ongoing support into adulthood, you need proper legal advice. Find a solicitor who does Estate Planning, they will look at everything and work out the best solution.

You need LPOAs for each other for during your lives. It’s not just for terminal illness as stated above - DH and I did ours years ago, and mine also has my adult DS as attorney. They aren’t active as they aren’t currently ended. I don’t think civil partnership gives you quite what you need.

For after death you need wills, and you can make any statements you like in a will specifically excluding individuals.

I know money is tight but you do need a solicitor. I got my will, changed house ownership, arrangements for children and a couple of other things done for approx £500. Worth it to know everything is in order.

A civil partnership would mean A would inherit from you unless you set out in your will eg your children wouldn't automatically inherit. And would probably affect your UC claim. It might seem unlikely right now but you should think about future relationships and what being in a civil partnership might mean - even if it's non romantic one. Your will needs to consider your older dc - would A take care of them as well?

Even though we aren't partners and won't ever be living together?