Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Child arrangements court order

33 replies

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 19:40

Hello, I'm 29 and have a 11 month old baby girl

My ex (babys father is 30)

We split up when baby was 4 months old. Co parenting has not been easy. I've had to ring police on my ex numerous times as he was harrasing and stalking me. He did end up getting charged with stalking and harrasment in the summer just gone

I was offered no protection so continued co parebting with me. It was okay for a while and now he's started harrasing me threw the phone again.

I've been in touch with a solicitor about getting a non molestation order.. which she seems to think I will 100% get that!

Next step will be going to court for child arrangements order. As I cannot co parebt with this man anymore!

Our problem isn't really days and times, my ex is actually good at time keeping and turning up on the correct days.

It's just the harrasing me and stressing me out

Do anyone know if I go to court for child arrangements order will they help out with arrangements such as a contact centre the ex could pick our baby up from, as that's what the problem here is. I want nothing to do with him, I don't want him near my home and I don't want to meet him somewhere publicly to do the hand over either

We've tried getting a family member to help and it didn't work, he kept over stepping the mark and asking them to pass on messages to me

Also do anyone know how many days/ hours they will give him with the baby a week

How it is at the moment he has the baby 2-3 times a week for anything between 5-8 hours a time

He doesn't do over nights either, amd really don't want him doing overnights either! He doesn't even have anywhere for baby to sleep

How does this whole things work, has anyone been threw this before

OP posts:
Lemonychocolate · 29/12/2024 20:36

I'm sorry you're going through this.
In my case (worse than harassing I would say) the court has decided we didn't need to use contact centre (which we were using at that point). I however at least get to do the handovers at a public place with CCTV, and the location is listed in the order. The reason judge said no contact centre was "unnecessary journey", the centre was a 20-25m car journey, I guess if it was closer it might be different. I didn't get a very nice judge though. Hopefully you'll have a lovely one.
Best luck.

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 20:46

Lemonychocolate · 29/12/2024 20:36

I'm sorry you're going through this.
In my case (worse than harassing I would say) the court has decided we didn't need to use contact centre (which we were using at that point). I however at least get to do the handovers at a public place with CCTV, and the location is listed in the order. The reason judge said no contact centre was "unnecessary journey", the centre was a 20-25m car journey, I guess if it was closer it might be different. I didn't get a very nice judge though. Hopefully you'll have a lovely one.
Best luck.

That's ridiculous if domestic abuse/violence was invovled

I'm dreading it now because that's the main issues really is that I don't want anything to do with him

It's not so much the days and times he sees his daughter

OP posts:
InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 20:55

Have you had legal advice? If he isn't causing any issues around contact, why do you need an order? The court will award him the same amount of contact he has now and they won't get too involved in handover arrangements. They won't be likely to order that he uses a contact centre for handovers as that's an expensive option. You'd be better off pursuing protective orders for yourself and finding someone in your network (or his) who will support you with handovers. Or stop contact until he can stop harassing you!

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:00

InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 20:55

Have you had legal advice? If he isn't causing any issues around contact, why do you need an order? The court will award him the same amount of contact he has now and they won't get too involved in handover arrangements. They won't be likely to order that he uses a contact centre for handovers as that's an expensive option. You'd be better off pursuing protective orders for yourself and finding someone in your network (or his) who will support you with handovers. Or stop contact until he can stop harassing you!

So when he picks up the baby I'll either get a load of abuse/name calling

Asking alot of questions "where was you on the weekend, Who was you with, are you seeing anyone new"

He might even break down in tears and declare his love for me

Or the most recent one was he followed me down the street shouting "I'll never let you move on" because I left at the same time as I handed him over the baby

And yes I'm trying to get a non molestation order, so hopefully from that he could just sort a contact centre. And it's not my problem how much it costs

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:01

InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 20:55

Have you had legal advice? If he isn't causing any issues around contact, why do you need an order? The court will award him the same amount of contact he has now and they won't get too involved in handover arrangements. They won't be likely to order that he uses a contact centre for handovers as that's an expensive option. You'd be better off pursuing protective orders for yourself and finding someone in your network (or his) who will support you with handovers. Or stop contact until he can stop harassing you!

Also advice from my solicitor and womans aid is to stop contact with him ASAP and don't let him have baby until somthing official is in place

OP posts:
90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:14

I've never heard of a contact centre being used for drop off/pick up arrangements. Someone correct me if I'm wrong? I think first you'd be expected to have a family member help with this with the non mol in place. If he asks to give you messages that's breaking the order and he'd potentially face arrest or legal charges.

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:19

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:14

I've never heard of a contact centre being used for drop off/pick up arrangements. Someone correct me if I'm wrong? I think first you'd be expected to have a family member help with this with the non mol in place. If he asks to give you messages that's breaking the order and he'd potentially face arrest or legal charges.

Ars you from the UK or not

Where I'm from we have supervised contact & supported contact

I want supported contact, which is basically a center I will drop my baby to at a certain time, and her father will pick her up from there

It's so we don't have to see eachother

OP posts:
InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 21:27

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:01

Also advice from my solicitor and womans aid is to stop contact with him ASAP and don't let him have baby until somthing official is in place

Show quote history

You don't need to apply to court. You can just stop contact and wait for him to apply, if he does. You don't need to have any contact with him at all while he is harassing you.

InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 21:27

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:14

I've never heard of a contact centre being used for drop off/pick up arrangements. Someone correct me if I'm wrong? I think first you'd be expected to have a family member help with this with the non mol in place. If he asks to give you messages that's breaking the order and he'd potentially face arrest or legal charges.

Yes this is a service some contact centres provide, for a fee

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:36

InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 21:27

You don't need to apply to court. You can just stop contact and wait for him to apply, if he does. You don't need to have any contact with him at all while he is harassing you.

Show quote history

I'm trying to get the non molestation order and then I'll leave it up to him how he sees his daughter. It won't be my problem

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:37

InkHeart2024 · 29/12/2024 21:27

You don't need to apply to court. You can just stop contact and wait for him to apply, if he does. You don't need to have any contact with him at all while he is harassing you.

Show quote history

This is what I thought. Really he should be the one taking me to court as I'm the one who have stopped contact

OP posts:
90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:45

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:19

Ars you from the UK or not

Where I'm from we have supervised contact & supported contact

I want supported contact, which is basically a center I will drop my baby to at a certain time, and her father will pick her up from there

It's so we don't have to see eachother

Show quote history

Yes, I am..... Odd question. So who will pay for that? Him?

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:47

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:45

Yes, I am..... Odd question. So who will pay for that? Him?

Show quote history

I asked because you mentioned you'd never heard of drop off/pick up centres.

And I don't think I would be made to pay, I'm guessing him. It definitely won't be free that's for sure

OP posts:
90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:48

@TheOliveMoose why would I have heard of them? They're not a usual arrangement at all. I have heard of contact centres for supervised contact.

Lemonychocolate · 29/12/2024 21:53

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 20:46

That's ridiculous if domestic abuse/violence was invovled

I'm dreading it now because that's the main issues really is that I don't want anything to do with him

It's not so much the days and times he sees his daughter

Show quote history

It is more than ridiculous I would say.
I ended up with broken bones at one handover. Of course contact centre was "unnecessary". Btw same judge asked me to have a think what I could learn from the relationship. I still don't know the answer. Maybe it's I should have signed up for boxing? Luckily you won't meet this judge, they've retired.

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:01

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 21:48

@TheOliveMoose why would I have heard of them? They're not a usual arrangement at all. I have heard of contact centres for supervised contact.

I really don't know or care what you have or haven't heard of

I don't know you enough to understand why you hadn't heard of it before.

OP posts:
PureBoggin · 29/12/2024 22:02

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 21:47

I asked because you mentioned you'd never heard of drop off/pick up centres.

And I don't think I would be made to pay, I'm guessing him. It definitely won't be free that's for sure

Show quote history

Both parties are expected to pay. In Scotland legal aid can be used for court ordered child contact in a contact centre including handovers.

PureBoggin · 29/12/2024 22:07

Given the level of harassment you are experiencing I would advise stopping all contact. It is not good for you or your child to be experiencing this. She's young but not too young to be disturbed but this conflict.

Stop contact for now, get the non-molestation order, report every incident of harassment and/or abuse. Offer contact in a contact centre now but tell him he will need to pay the fees. If he doesn't agree then he can go to court for contact. He needs to understand that this behaviour can't go on if he wants a relationship with his child. He is hurting her by hurting you.

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:10

PureBoggin · 29/12/2024 22:07

Given the level of harassment you are experiencing I would advise stopping all contact. It is not good for you or your child to be experiencing this. She's young but not too young to be disturbed but this conflict.

Stop contact for now, get the non-molestation order, report every incident of harassment and/or abuse. Offer contact in a contact centre now but tell him he will need to pay the fees. If he doesn't agree then he can go to court for contact. He needs to understand that this behaviour can't go on if he wants a relationship with his child. He is hurting her by hurting you.

That end sentence!

Thankyou, I have stopped contact for now.

Solicitor is ment to be contacting me somtime in the week. And once I have the non mol that should take alot of the stress away!

He will have to sort child arrangements himself, just hope that if it did go to court I wouldn't be made to do hand overs with him. I don't like him and don't want to be in his company for even 2 seconds

OP posts:
Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 22:13

It would only go thru a contact centre ( a private one) if you are prepared to pay for it…..otherwise the onus will be on you to arrange a 3rd party to hand your child over…..regardless of what your ex does, as long as he poses no known risk to your child, he will be entitled to see his child

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 22:14

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:10

That end sentence!

Thankyou, I have stopped contact for now.

Solicitor is ment to be contacting me somtime in the week. And once I have the non mol that should take alot of the stress away!

He will have to sort child arrangements himself, just hope that if it did go to court I wouldn't be made to do hand overs with him. I don't like him and don't want to be in his company for even 2 seconds

Show quote history

You have been given poor advice here OP

supersonicginandtonic · 29/12/2024 22:16

@TheOliveMoose there is absolutely no need to be rude. Using contact centres is not the norm so if the poster has no knowledge how are they going to know without asking the question?
For contact centres to be used, every other option has usually had to be explored.
You said a family member supported in the past? Why did they pass the messages on?
If he was convicted of harassment, he wasn't an injunction or a restraining order put in place?
If you are applying for a non molestation order he may contest it so it will be good if you can have police evidence.

Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:17

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 22:13

It would only go thru a contact centre ( a private one) if you are prepared to pay for it…..otherwise the onus will be on you to arrange a 3rd party to hand your child over…..regardless of what your ex does, as long as he poses no known risk to your child, he will be entitled to see his child

That's ridiculous

So taking the baby who is sat in her pram and then following me down the street shouting abuse at me, whilst our baby is in HIS care isn't going to effect the baby

Calling me a fat wh a dirty s on the door step every time he picks up our daughter isn't going to effect the baby?

This is crazy

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:19

supersonicginandtonic · 29/12/2024 22:16

@TheOliveMoose there is absolutely no need to be rude. Using contact centres is not the norm so if the poster has no knowledge how are they going to know without asking the question?
For contact centres to be used, every other option has usually had to be explored.
You said a family member supported in the past? Why did they pass the messages on?
If he was convicted of harassment, he wasn't an injunction or a restraining order put in place?
If you are applying for a non molestation order he may contest it so it will be good if you can have police evidence.

I have no idea why police didn't offer me a proper restraining order. I was baffled when he got charged and I wasn't offered one

And yes his sister was the middle man for us for a while. She constantly kept passing on messages to me from him. He has a way in his family of getting what he wants and everyone does as he says.

But really she should of told him she's picking the baby up and that's it

OP posts:
SophWin · 29/12/2024 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.