How do I get my kid out of fee-paying school?

[PunkEgg]

Hi

I've got a problem.

Child at secondary fee-paying school after acrimonious and very expensive divorce. Ex-partner doesn't work, and the court-enforced divorce settlement means I am responsible for 100% of school fees. But I can no longer afford the fees. There's no more money in the pot.

Ex-partner won't agree that he has to leave the fee-paying school, and says I have to lkeep sending him there even though I can't afford it. They won't give approval for him to be withdrawn, or for me to apply for him to attend a state school.

How do I break the impasse without spending yet more thousands on lawyers and going to court? Is it possible I'll just be throwing yet more money (which I can't afford) down the drain for a court only to decide the child needs to keep going to fee-paying school?

Child is due to start GCSES in September, and I want their schooling to be settled before then.

If it's in the court order then you need to go back to court if ex won't agree.

Why is he at fee paying school in the first place?

Apply for a place at a local school and give notice at fee payjng one.

Represent yourself if taken to court. I did it's easier than you think. A private school is not essential and a court cannot order you to pay money you don't have

The court wouldn't demand payment of school fees if you couldn't afford it.

This is only half the story.

Tell exp that you are withdrawing them from the end of this school year, there is no money left. If they don’t give you approval to withdraw to a state school it is on them to take you to court, represent yourself, the judge can not enforce a private school education if there is insufficient funds to cover it.

Just withdraw the child and send them to a state school. If ex doesn't like it s/he can take you to court. You can self represent, it's hardly a complex legal argument to prove that you can't afford it.

You put in a court application for a specific issue and explain the issue. Don't need a lawyer, certainly not to pay thousands for it. Put in all your supporting documents and explain the situation on the day. The judge will make a decision, but even a judge cannot make you spend money you do not have.

If you don’t pay the fees the school will solve this issue soon enough .

Your poor child. Taking them out of school just before GCSEs will be traumatic for them and really impact their results.
is it that you absolutely can’t or just won’t? Couldn’t you go without for another year just to get them through their GCSEs at least and then they can maybe move to a different place for a level?
If I was your ex I’d be deeply skeptical that you suddenly can’t afford it.

This sounds really tough OP. I feel for you. Some help the moving schools only as no idea about the rest(!) but this might give you an idea?

You'll need to check the agreement for the school you're at. You'll probably to give a full term of notice which means they come out after April and you have to pay in Jan for the term. Don't just not pay the fees as the school will go after you for them and you'll open up a can of worms.

Our local state system does not require two parents' consent to apply. But the form said not to withdraw if you have a place somewhere. Your school may take pity on you if you are up front now but obviously you have this term to go. But talk to them about it ASAP.

Back to the form. You clearly can withdraw your child from next term if you can't pay. It just says not to round our way but it isn't a legal requirement to my knowledge. Then you need to start applying and hoping you get a place. You may need to appeal for one. You may find the shift is in September when some people move house, you may not.

It's very stressful and time consuming but you have to try to detach yourself emotionally and view it as a project. Don't be emotional and especially if you go to appeal, don't get angry with the panel. Very hard. There are no easy solutions where this policy is concerned

This doesn't really make sense, if financial circumstances change then surely you can't be court ordered to get into debt? I think I would just try to move him anyway after giving 1 term's notice, make it clear to your ex that he can take you to court if he wants to but he will be unlikely to win as the money just isn't there. If the independent school are requiring both parents to consent to withdraw DS you need to make sure they are fully aware that your ex isn't committing to pay the fees and you won't be paying them any more after the required notice.

I'd give notice now. Then you are free for the Summer term. Time to find a school that has spaces for the options he wants to do.
Realistically, what can your ex actually do?

Give notice now to the school (and your ex) and then your DC will be able to attend state school for the last term of the year, and he'll settle easier in September if he's already done a term and knows how it all works.

Represent yourself in court, if it comes to that. It would be easy to evidence if you can't afford it anymore.

Perhaps it’s the addition of VAT that everyone on here was so gleeful about? Not one person was sorry in any of the threads I saw about education being disrupted at a crucial time.

No, I assume people largely believe that if you can afford private fees you can probably afford the vat increase too. I think for the sake of GCSEs I would be doing whatever I could to keep them where they are settled. Can you move into a smaller rental and rent out your place to generate a bit of income? Or change jobs? Or ask the school if they’ll agree to a payment plan? Ask the mother to get a job to help contribute (if you show her proof you really can’t meet the fees maybe she’ll believe you?)

I think this is why you’ve got to be so sure when you send a child private that you’ll be able to meet the fees

Perhaps it’s the addition of VAT that everyone on here was so gleeful about?

There's been over a year to prep if that's been the case - would have made sense to move at end of y9 or y10 if so. Not saying I don't have sympathy for this child, but more because action wasn't taken earlier, than because the fees have gone up?

Can I just say, if you've not experienced it, you really really don't understand it. The OP is asking for help. Not judgement. Many parents will actually have tried to accommodate the fees in many ways over the last year (if your judging based on a previous government policy) or months. You can try ideas to avoid disrupting your child and they can not work out. That is life sometimes.

I think the OP means their child is year 9, and will start year 10 in September. I think it’s a good time to get sorted, rather than waiting until courses start.

That’s what I was going to say. Simply stop paying. The school will kick your child out sooner after.

Phone the school admissions department of your local authority and ask for their advice. They will be able to tell you what you need to do.

It’s easy for him to say that your dc has to stay at the school, when he’s not paying!

Firstly, have you spoken to the school to see if there’s any help they can give? They may be a scheme to help families in your situation.

If not, put your withdrawal application in and get your dc signed up at the state school. If there’s no money, there’s no money.

The implementation of VAT on school fees certainly doesn't help, but the fees were already excessive and unsupportable - and I'd still be in this position.

Yes, that's correct. They start year 10 in September. I don't want them to have to have to move schools suddenly during those two years.

If there's a court order in place either something dramatic has changed in your circs, in which case return to court, and if not then clearly the order requires you to sell an asset to cover this.

I am sure that even the ex is aware that the sudden addition of 20% may make fees unaffordable.

Go back to court OP an explain the situation. You can represent yourself especially when it relates to the one issue.

Eh? If its currently pre-gcses it'd be at least another 2.5y of fees to finish gcses

I moved from a private school at end if y9 (only there for 1y to escape bullying at previous school then parent about to be made redundant) ... it was fine.... i still got 9a*s/5as/1b in the crappest comp going, where I got bullied to near death

(4x secondary schools didn't stop me going to medical school)

Op if you can't afford it they can't force you to stay