How do I get my kid out of fee-paying school?

[PunkEgg]

Hi

I've got a problem.

Child at secondary fee-paying school after acrimonious and very expensive divorce. Ex-partner doesn't work, and the court-enforced divorce settlement means I am responsible for 100% of school fees. But I can no longer afford the fees. There's no more money in the pot.

Ex-partner won't agree that he has to leave the fee-paying school, and says I have to lkeep sending him there even though I can't afford it. They won't give approval for him to be withdrawn, or for me to apply for him to attend a state school.

How do I break the impasse without spending yet more thousands on lawyers and going to court? Is it possible I'll just be throwing yet more money (which I can't afford) down the drain for a court only to decide the child needs to keep going to fee-paying school?

Child is due to start GCSES in September, and I want their schooling to be settled before then.

Just represent yourself in court. Set out the facts clearly. You don't need to spend on lawyers. If there's no money then there's no money

“Due to start GCSEs in September” reads like the child is currently in year 9. Perfectly sensible time to change schools.

If you can't afford it you can't afford it - it's that simple really isn't it regardless of all the comments about not ripping the child from their environment at such an emotional time.

I'd start by speaking to the school and getting their advice, making it clear you can't continue paying. They may accept notice from you if the court order puts sole responsibility for the fees on you, even if your ex is also named on the fees contract. If your child is exceptional in some way they may extend a bursary/scholarship or other financial assistance.

One thing is for sure - they won't tolerate fees not being paid for long and will take your child off roll pretty quickly. They are a business and, unlike the State, have absolutely no obligation to educate your child.

I think it would be better for your child to do a planned transition into a state school from September. Alongside speaking to the current school, make an application to the local state schools for September.

You haven’t included here anything about which state school he’d get in to, whether it’s any good, whether there’s space. Need to know that really for advice on withdrawing etc - is there a decent school, is there a place at that school, will the LA allocate a space at a terrible school miles away, do you need to include time for waiting lists in this scenario?

@Muthaofcats ". I’m just saying the ex and the court will be skeptical of a self employed party suddenly claiming reduced earning potential."

I'm certainly with you on that. And dollars to doughnuts the OP is the father.

You will see from my comment above that them being at state or private is irrelevant; it is ripping them from somewhere that they are now settled in having just endured their family home breaking up that I was mindful of. This isn’t a private v state debate. I went to state, my kids are in state. I’m just saying the ex and the court will be skeptical of a self employed party suddenly claiming reduced earning potential. They will be suspicious so I was asking OP how legit their inability to pay really is; and whether there is anything they can sacrifice to protect their child from yet more upheaval if at all possible.

Interesting that children are never "ripped" out of state schools. They have to move because circumstances change.

No, I assume people largely believe that if you can afford private fees you can probably afford the vat increase too.

The people who believe this don’t seem to be very bright then!

the court-enforced divorce settlement means I am responsible for 100% of school fees.

How is it worded? Is it saying that you have to pay full fees for your child to attend X private school, or another private school; or is it just that you have to pay 100% of all school fees that are incurred, whilst your ex is not required to pay anything?

If the latter, that doesn't sound like you legally must keep your child in the private school and keep paying for it - however much your ex is against it (and why wouldn't they instantly take that line if it's no cost at all to them for a believed better education for your joint child?). If you remove them and send them to the state school, you can still be responsible for paying 100% of all fees; it's just that the total of those fees will then happen to be zero (save for the odd £5 or £10 contribution that they usually beg for).

True; they’ve not explicitly said they’re a man. I am making a general assumption based on the sad fact that men tend to be the higher earners / it’s usually a woman who stays at home. Perhaps they buck the trend. But perhaps too it’s a same sec couple, you’re quite right.

However a pointless observation to make as no, my empathy for the child being ripped out of their school has nothing to do with what gender their parent is. I just know from experience that if it’s been acrimonious, the other party is going to believe this is a tactic rather than the truth.

When OP says they suddenly aren’t earning as much as a self employed person; why is that? Their ex is going to assume they’re just playing games and perfectly capable of maintaining the requisite income. Unless of course there’s been a significant change of circs like a long term health issue or something shifted in the market they’re in that permanently changed their earning potential.

I’m just suggesting they’ll need to be ready to show this is not a case of being wilfully obstructive and that they’re truly in difficulty.

Don't listen to this advice! Don't unroll your child until you have a place anywhere.

You remove them. If he isnt paying fees he doesn't get to say that they have to remain there. Juts enroll them in a school which you can both get to and do it.

You might find that the council won't offer you a state school place if there is already a court order stating that your dc has to attend the private one. Unless you have agreement from the other parent.

Yeah def worth a try if don't already get one. We got 40% off for my entrance exam results, would never have been able to go without it

You give notice to the fee paying school.

You inform your child

You apply for a local/ appropriate state placement

You start sending child to said state school

You wait for other parent to apply to court.

You represent yourself in court, explain the financial issues.

Court either a) forces you to send child back to original school (which child no longer have a place at, the school are aware you can't pay the fees and due to this are unlikely to allow child to return)

Or b) says "not ideal but it's done now, suck it up.

I'd put money on option b

V minimally/not really, more just felt like an outsider and had v few friends) at the private school (I'm autistic and joining in yr9 when everyone had their friend groups already - it was predominantly a boarding school but I was a day student). But equally education wasn't great as it being predominantly an international school meant more of the lessons were spent teaching English than the actual subject

All girls state school (y7-8) bullied pretty awfully for being clever, hence parents put me in the private all girls school, but ironically far less than the state school I later moved to

Left private as thought dad was going to be made redundant so they didn't want to potentially have me have to leave mid gcses... then went to mixed horrific comp for gcses. Bullied horrifically head smashed into concrete, death threats hair attempted to be set on fire police involved

Left there post gcses, to predominantly boys grammar which was just low level bullying for 6th form

So yeah never really settled anywhere but I survived

Changing school cannot be done unilaterally so there has to be agreed from BOTH parents. Where there isn't agreement you will need to apply to court as previously mentioned for a Special Issues Order.

You can apply without legal representation as if the issue is lack of money a judge can't force you to pay. How long ago was the court order?

Steps to take, discuss with the Busar, get their confirmation of no reduction in writing. Phone the council to discuss availability of school places. Notify the other parent in writing of your change in circumstances and outcome of discussions with Busar. Advise the other parent that you would like to settle amicable and invite their input on state schools (or other solutions).

If there is stalemate, invite your ex to mediation. Be prepared for an application to court. Download the court application. Notify your ex that you intend to apply for a state school place. They may decide to make an application to court to stop you - if so don't worry as that will make it easier for you Just have up to date tax returns or information from your accountants and documents to show your parents have given you money to pay the fee

Is there a chance your ex will agree to 50% payments for 2 years? If that's the case could you afford the fees?

If you take your child off the educational roll of a school uou are legally responsible for their education. Do not do it without advice

I think you could sort a place in a state school FIRST. A state school can't punish you for requesting a place but not sending your child. Sign your child up and then if, somehow the court make your EX continue to pay the full fees or something, cancel the state place.

Do NOT remove your child before you have had a full disclosure of your finances with the bursar. This is essential. I removed my child (SEND) and then had to support him for a year and a half before I could find a school that would a) take him and b) one I considered suitable. In the current state of affairs nationally you will be under severe pressure to find anywhere let alone somewhere you are happy with or near where you live. Fight the school to maintain your position at a lower fee. Don't pay any more than you can afford.

I wonder how long it takes to get a family court date? I worry that my child needs to get a new school place in time for summer term (starting April) and that it will take an age.

This.
represent yourself in court - this will be an easy one for the family court judge

Thanks for your understanding.

I've tried everything possible to prioritise my child - the pain of a highly acrimonious divorce has been bad enough.

I've depleted my savings, sold my car, I've had to ask my parents to reach into their savings and pay school fees... I've even cancelled Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Disney Plus (much to the child's annoyance!)...

I am self-employed, and I'm simply not earning as much as I have done in the past - and it looks like that is going to continue to be the case.

How can I guarantee that school fees will be paid until the end of my child's GCSEs or A Levels? What happens if i get ill and cannot earn anymore? What happens if my child has to suddenly leave half-way through GCSEs or A levels because there's nothing more to sell on eBay?

All I'm trying to do is secure a smooth route for my child through their education.

Does your DS's school offer bursaries? Some private schools do, and students whose families are in dire straits financially can apply and get significant reductions on the fees. Speak to the bursar as soon as you can at the start of term.

You are addressing the OP as if the OP is a man. You don’t know that they are a man. I suspect this is clouding your judgment.