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Original poster

I feel so guilty after ex's arrest for Domestic Violence

80 replies

Bigredtrain · 24/12/2024 02:39

Hi,

My ex partner (together for 13 years, have three children aged 10 and 8- twins) broke up around 18 months ago (his decision). Since then he has become extremely emotionally controlling and manipulative. I self referred to a local domestic abuse charity who have been supporting me Iver the last few months.

Anyway this morning he came to see the children in my house and was in (yet another) bad mood as his girlfriend may be breaking up with him. He generally resents me so much for the breakdown of our family despite the fact that he made the decision and wouldn't even consider couples therapy.

He was ranting and raving about how we need to close our joint bank account (which we only use for the insurance benefits equally) and how he wants his name off the Amazon Prime account (which I pay for). Completely ridiculous and bizarre conversation for 2 days before Christmas if you ask me. We got into an argument about this, he told me he was leaving despite the fact I've had no childcare for 2 weeks and needed to go Christmas shopping for the kids.

I followed him out of the room, he then turned around, picked me up and threw me across the room. When I got up I said I was calling the police, he then said I was the aggressor and he was 'defending himself' because I was angry so he was calling the police on me? I swiped the phone out of his hand (I literally did not touch his body). He responded by picking me up again and throwing me across the room then dragging me up by my clothes and throwing me again.

He then wrestled my phone from me and only gave it back when my poor 10 year old appeared at the door. I immediately left and went to my brothers, called DV worker and police. Tonight I visited the police station to talk about it, I hadn't decided yet whether to give a statement but they rang me back to say they were going to arrest him tonight.

I feel sick, I can't sleep as I feel so guilty. He told me afterwards that I was aggressive to him so he was 'defending himself'. He will probably lose his teaching job. He won't see the kids at all for Christmas. I feel like I'm in a living nightmare.

Help.

OP posts:
rootsandwings89 · 26/12/2024 06:51

OP you 100% did the right thing.

The police arrested and bailed him because of HIS behaviour. Read that sentence again.

SpryCat · 26/12/2024 09:51

Cancel your payments on the car, get a family member to put bolts on front and back doors, report everything he said to your brother and I would sit down with your children explain that dad is not allowed to message them or come to the house, that you understand they miss him but it’s very important rule the police has told you.

zeibesaffron · 26/12/2024 23:38

Please report the ‘plotting my demise’ to the police - this is a threat and needs to be documented. This is so tough but its the right thing to do, take care xx

MerrilyOnhigh · 27/12/2024 00:28

Get your brother to report his threats against you to the police.

good96 · 27/12/2024 16:57

Bigredtrain · 24/12/2024 02:39

Hi,

My ex partner (together for 13 years, have three children aged 10 and 8- twins) broke up around 18 months ago (his decision). Since then he has become extremely emotionally controlling and manipulative. I self referred to a local domestic abuse charity who have been supporting me Iver the last few months.

Anyway this morning he came to see the children in my house and was in (yet another) bad mood as his girlfriend may be breaking up with him. He generally resents me so much for the breakdown of our family despite the fact that he made the decision and wouldn't even consider couples therapy.

He was ranting and raving about how we need to close our joint bank account (which we only use for the insurance benefits equally) and how he wants his name off the Amazon Prime account (which I pay for). Completely ridiculous and bizarre conversation for 2 days before Christmas if you ask me. We got into an argument about this, he told me he was leaving despite the fact I've had no childcare for 2 weeks and needed to go Christmas shopping for the kids.

I followed him out of the room, he then turned around, picked me up and threw me across the room. When I got up I said I was calling the police, he then said I was the aggressor and he was 'defending himself' because I was angry so he was calling the police on me? I swiped the phone out of his hand (I literally did not touch his body). He responded by picking me up again and throwing me across the room then dragging me up by my clothes and throwing me again.

He then wrestled my phone from me and only gave it back when my poor 10 year old appeared at the door. I immediately left and went to my brothers, called DV worker and police. Tonight I visited the police station to talk about it, I hadn't decided yet whether to give a statement but they rang me back to say they were going to arrest him tonight.

I feel sick, I can't sleep as I feel so guilty. He told me afterwards that I was aggressive to him so he was 'defending himself'. He will probably lose his teaching job. He won't see the kids at all for Christmas. I feel like I'm in a living nightmare.

Help.

Wow - how is he in a teaching job when he behaves like this?

Who is to say he doesn’t have the motive to get aggressive towards a child? Who knows?

You made the right choice in calling the police, to safeguard yourself and your DC…. Irrespective of whether it is Christmas or not…

Don’t feel guilty at all!

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