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Original poster

Any Police Officers about? Content warning - added by MNHQ concerns SA

54 replies

JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 18:03

Not really AIBU but can't find the chat option. Any police officers on here who could answer a question for me please? If I wanted to report being repeatedly raped and physically abused by my now exh can I report it just to go on record or would he be arrested straight away? I'm worried about the repercussions if he does get arrested which is why I'm hesitant to report it, but I'm happy for it just to go on file. This happened from 2014-2018 but it's taken until now for me to confide in my Friend about what happened.

OP posts:
username7891 · 08/11/2024 18:19

You can also contact Rape Crisis for advice.💐

Original poster
JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 18:29

username7891 · 08/11/2024 18:19

You can also contact Rape Crisis for advice.💐

Thank you

OP posts:
dixon86 · 08/11/2024 18:35

There's a page on Reddit called PoliceUK if you or anybody ever wants to talk to serving officers.

Camelphat · 08/11/2024 18:43

Assuming you werent a child at the time I doubt the police would rush out to arrest him.

Bubblebuttress · 08/11/2024 18:47

Not sure why it showed Essex think it’s national

Original poster
JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 19:00

Bubblebuttress · 08/11/2024 18:47

Not sure why it showed Essex think it’s national

Just Essex and the surrounding areas I think, but too far from where I live.

OP posts:
TattedBarley · 08/11/2024 19:29

are you still in contact with ex?
are you at risk of harm from him?
do you have anything that could be used as evidence such as text messages, pictures etc?
if you decide to report the police may ask the above.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through such a traumatic time. I would definitely contact Rape Crisis as others have mentioned.

wizzywig · 08/11/2024 19:31

Can't police do victimless prosecutions?

TattedBarley · 08/11/2024 19:31

Sorry forgot to mention - you can also contact Women’s Aid for advice x

Original poster
JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 19:36

TattedBarley · 08/11/2024 19:29

are you still in contact with ex?
are you at risk of harm from him?
do you have anything that could be used as evidence such as text messages, pictures etc?
if you decide to report the police may ask the above.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through such a traumatic time. I would definitely contact Rape Crisis as others have mentioned.

No longer in contact, not after he sexually assaulted me, in my car

No text messages and unfortunately no photos. As I didn't think to take any at the time.

As for any repercussions I don't think he would do anything, but he does have a huge temper. It's more of my family finding out about it

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 08/11/2024 19:38

I did jury duty for police prosecuting a historic marital rape, the CP brought the charges as the victim wasn't prepared to (no judgement there) but it transpired he had also raped their daughter who was 7 and charges were also brought on her account. He got 14 years. So I'm not sure they can just record the crime, or if they have to investigate and charge if sufficient evidence is found.

I am a rape victim who has never reported for fear of the repercussions.

Hosum · 08/11/2024 20:07

I'd recommend - survivors trust or google in you area for sexual abuse victim support. It will help work through all the questions/process etc.

HausofHolbein · 08/11/2024 20:14

So - you'd have to contact the police and inform them of your complaint. In the first instance, this would be a short note of what you say happened. You'd then be invited for a video interview (ABE) to give a recorded, full account. This is equivalent to a witness statement.

Based on that (not before), the investigation would begin. This would involve speaking to other witnesses, so people you have already complained to, collecting medical and digital evidence (if you have it) etc. The suspect would then be interviewed, either on arrest, or in a voluntary setting.

TattedBarley · 08/11/2024 20:23

JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 19:36

No longer in contact, not after he sexually assaulted me, in my car

No text messages and unfortunately no photos. As I didn't think to take any at the time.

As for any repercussions I don't think he would do anything, but he does have a huge temper. It's more of my family finding out about it

Show quote history

You can make a disclosure to the Police by calling 111. They may want to send an officer over to you to take a statement. If you don’t want him arrested or for it to be taken any further I’m not sure if they are able to put it ‘on record’.
I am not doubting you for a second, I believe you. But unfortunately with no evidence and if you are not willing to take it further then it can be seen as a ‘her word against his’ situation.
Can I ask why you are more worried about your family finding out than you are about him finding out?x

PussInBin20 · 08/11/2024 20:38

I think it would depend on which Force area you are in.

In my Force, if you reported it you would be visited by a STO or SOIT officer and be given your options. If you didn’t want it investigated, we would refer you to support services and file the case.
It would be recorded but he wouldn’t be arrested or be told about it.
This is because we can’t prosecute rape without your evidence.

I can’t say that every Force would deal with it this way though so maybe contact Rape Crisis or equivalent in your area and they may know or could find out.

ohpoowhatnow · 08/11/2024 20:48

If you wanted to
Report the crime and have it investigated then yes he would be arrested at the closest opportunity.

Original poster
JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 20:53

@TattedBarley The reason I don't want my family to find out is because apparently it's my fault according to them. I invited him in to continuously rape me by not sleeping in pjs. Not that wearing them made any difference anyway because he would just yank them down or rip them off. A lot of the times I was asleep but the weight of him on top of me would wake me up. If I told him to stop or tried to push him off he would just carry on. Or the other thing he would do if I was awake and tried to clamp my legs together would be to pinch the insides of my thighs or in between my legs as hard as he could and then pinch again even harder knowing eventually he could prise my legs apart

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 20:54

PussInBin20 · 08/11/2024 20:38

I think it would depend on which Force area you are in.

In my Force, if you reported it you would be visited by a STO or SOIT officer and be given your options. If you didn’t want it investigated, we would refer you to support services and file the case.
It would be recorded but he wouldn’t be arrested or be told about it.
This is because we can’t prosecute rape without your evidence.

I can’t say that every Force would deal with it this way though so maybe contact Rape Crisis or equivalent in your area and they may know or could find out.

Thank you. My force area is Humberside Police

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 08/11/2024 20:58

HausofHolbein · 08/11/2024 20:14

So - you'd have to contact the police and inform them of your complaint. In the first instance, this would be a short note of what you say happened. You'd then be invited for a video interview (ABE) to give a recorded, full account. This is equivalent to a witness statement.

Based on that (not before), the investigation would begin. This would involve speaking to other witnesses, so people you have already complained to, collecting medical and digital evidence (if you have it) etc. The suspect would then be interviewed, either on arrest, or in a voluntary setting.

This is what would happen

Haveyouanyjam · 08/11/2024 21:05

Devilsmommy · 08/11/2024 20:58

This is what would happen

Show quote history

Generally true except they would only be interviewed if you wanted to press charges OR the police felt they had enough evidence to pursue a charge without your statement. Cal 101 and talk to them about it and they will let you know what you can and can’t do if you want to record the abuse in case he faces future allegations, without pursuing a charge. Highly unlikely they would pursue a rape charge without the victim on board. They may do onward referrals whether you want them to or not if they have children in their care however, so may report the allegation to social services.

So sorry you went through this OP.

HausofHolbein · 08/11/2024 21:14

Haveyouanyjam · 08/11/2024 21:05

Generally true except they would only be interviewed if you wanted to press charges OR the police felt they had enough evidence to pursue a charge without your statement. Cal 101 and talk to them about it and they will let you know what you can and can’t do if you want to record the abuse in case he faces future allegations, without pursuing a charge. Highly unlikely they would pursue a rape charge without the victim on board. They may do onward referrals whether you want them to or not if they have children in their care however, so may report the allegation to social services.

So sorry you went through this OP.

Show quote history

It is true. If not clear for you, I've bolded:

"You'd then be invited for a video interview (ABE) to give a recorded, full account. This is equivalent to a witness statement. Based on that (not before), the investigation would begin"

If you declined to give a statement or ABE then it would likely be filed.

HausofHolbein · 08/11/2024 21:16

JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 08/11/2024 20:53

@TattedBarley The reason I don't want my family to find out is because apparently it's my fault according to them. I invited him in to continuously rape me by not sleeping in pjs. Not that wearing them made any difference anyway because he would just yank them down or rip them off. A lot of the times I was asleep but the weight of him on top of me would wake me up. If I told him to stop or tried to push him off he would just carry on. Or the other thing he would do if I was awake and tried to clamp my legs together would be to pinch the insides of my thighs or in between my legs as hard as he could and then pinch again even harder knowing eventually he could prise my legs apart

Anyone who thinks that is utterly worthless to you. Whether you involve the police or not, these people have no place in your life x

NinaLively · 08/11/2024 21:28

TattedBarley · 08/11/2024 19:31

Sorry forgot to mention - you can also contact Women’s Aid for advice x

It's Refuge now not Women's Aid

Haveyouanyjam · 08/11/2024 21:32

HausofHolbein · 08/11/2024 21:14

It is true. If not clear for you, I've bolded:

"You'd then be invited for a video interview (ABE) to give a recorded, full account. This is equivalent to a witness statement. Based on that (not before), the investigation would begin"

If you declined to give a statement or ABE then it would likely be filed.

Show quote history

Sorry if I wasn’t clear, I just meant you can also decline to pursue charges after giving a statement. So can give a statement that would remain on file but say you don’t want to pursue charges. Wasn’t disagreeing just saying you can still give a statement and have it on file if they also don’t have enough to take it forward separately.