Changing the will of a surviving spouse

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I would really appreciate any advice or if any one can point in the right direction to answering my question.

I am trying to focus on facts only and keep emotion out of the situation, I would like to stress this isn’t about money at all, it is about respecting the wishes of my late parent.

My parents met when they were 16/17 and they were very happy together for over 60 years.

Many years ago they drew up their wills, it was very simple and straight forward, they made us all aware that when one of them passed their estate would go to the remaining spouse, when ultimately the last one passed anything left would pass to their children and grandchildren.

They were both in agreement that this is what they wanted, neither could imagine the idea of either finding a new partner especially as they got older.

I sadly lost a parent 2 years ago, my remaining parent moved on very very quickly (very out of character for them but I understand they are entitled to be happy, they have since behaved in ways I don’t understand and don’t recognise and this is why I am trying to keep emotions out of my question but I do have reason to think they have made questionable decisions/choices but I’m trying to be supportive )

My remaining parent now 80 told me today that they are now engaged, no immediate plans to marry but said they are moving fast due to age ( new partner is several years younger)
Their behaviour worries me but as a competent adult they have capacity to make their own choices albeit questionable ones.

My question is what happens to the original will?

I’m presuming that if they marry the old will is ignored and the estate passes to the new spouse?

If they don’t marry does the original will still stand or can my remaining parent change their will in favour of the new partner without marrying?

I really really want to stress that this isn’t about money, my parent can spend their money however they like, I honestly don’t care if there is 50p left when my last parent passes providing they have spent it how they see fit however I do care that my late parents wishes are carried out. They wouldn’t have wanted anything else.

Thank you for any advice.

This is such a sign of a good person. Nice to hear.

Have you considered writing him a letter instead? May be easier to gently but clearly explain the two outcomes depending on what he does next and also what your mum wanted to happen to her half....

As a pp suggested, could her half go to the grandchildren as she wanted and then he can do whatever he likes with his?

We're in Wales. Husbands friend remarried very quickly. She went down hill with dementia. He had made a will leaving everything but a life interest in the house to his two children. His eldest was killed he died shortly after.

The youngest who lived away was still in shock at the two deaths so was not on the ball.

He turned up to find the house sold, stepmother taken away by her children everything gone. Dad's will invalid, step mother got the lot. But her children got hold of the money and put her in a home.

Reading this thread I'm going to have a hard think and rewrite my will. We also should investigate power of attorney. I'm dammed if someone else is getting my jewellery when I have grand daughters.

The concern is of sideways disinheritance. In above posts some surviving spouses leave assets to both their children and their step children, however many surviving spouses leave assets only to their own children, even when the marriage has been short. To avoid potential sideways disinheritance we have trust wills and are tenants in common, so at least the assets of the first to die will have some protection.

You need to ask a solicitor for best advice. Not us here in a forum x

^We're in Wales. Husbands friend remarried very quickly. She went down hill with dementia. He had made a will leaving everything but a life interest in the house to his two children. His eldest was killed he died shortly after.
The youngest who lived away was still in shock at the two deaths so was not on the ball.
He turned up to find the house sold, stepmother taken away by her children everything gone. Dad's will invalid, step mother got the lot. But her children got hold of the money and put her in a home.^

Utterly shocking.

I'm thankful I live in a country where you cannot disinherit your children. There was one court case of a successful business man who managed to disinherit his junkie son.

Been married once. That was enough!

My friends mum saw the likely path her husband would take when she was diagnosed with cancer. Changed her will and left her half of everything to the children. Within a few months of her death he was handing his money over to various different women. Thank god her mum was so wise!

My mum left some assets (not the family home) directly to us her children which I am hugely grateful for as it has allowed me to pay off my mortgage early and afford DDs university support. Exactly as mum would have wanted.

They had been very happily married over 40 years, were devoted to one another and my dad cared for her in her final illness before she died early from cancer and grieved hugely for her. I think she did her will like that because she always managed their money and she knew he might be a bit crap her careful savings.

However what I am fairly sure she would not have predicted (I certainly didn't) was him taking up with a new woman within a year of her death. Worries about inheritance were the least of the shock of that one! I entirely realise it is his life to live and he is lonely but it really hurt that he could seemingly replace her so easily (he would say it's different and not a replacement).

We agreed to disagree about the lady (I said I'll try to be happy for him but don't want to meet her or have her invited to family events etc) and in fact it didn't last but I was very grateful that my mum had protected some inheritance direct to her children and grandchildren and it made me want to definitely do that myself.

You never know what can happen.

@ThePure I am sure I have read that men who have been happily married are more likely to remarry.

If your father remarries and does not make a new will immediately, his new wife will inherit his entire estate if he dies before her. OR he can get a solicitor to arrange a pre- nup.
You need to have a conversation with him and persuade him to get professional advice. It is very easy for him to deal with, provided he will listen to you.

If he doesn't make a new will either on marriage or in anticipation of marriage, everything will go to new wife by default.

Yes we are in a similar situation except when mum died her share went to kids and grandkids. Dad is considering changing his will. Totally up to him, but hurtful that it goes against what my mum wanted.

Are you up to saying this directly to your father? It can work (been there, done that, got the tshirt).

Old men can be extremely stupid in this way …. It’s very painful but sometimes they can see sense if addressed directly about it. We asked my father if he was really intent on the grandchildren of his then squeeze ( he had several) whom he’d never met, should benefit at the expense of his own grandchildren. It seemed to do the trick.

Monday your dad has been acting out of character. Is he showing signs of dementia?