Changing the will of a surviving spouse

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I would really appreciate any advice or if any one can point in the right direction to answering my question.

I am trying to focus on facts only and keep emotion out of the situation, I would like to stress this isn’t about money at all, it is about respecting the wishes of my late parent.

My parents met when they were 16/17 and they were very happy together for over 60 years.

Many years ago they drew up their wills, it was very simple and straight forward, they made us all aware that when one of them passed their estate would go to the remaining spouse, when ultimately the last one passed anything left would pass to their children and grandchildren.

They were both in agreement that this is what they wanted, neither could imagine the idea of either finding a new partner especially as they got older.

I sadly lost a parent 2 years ago, my remaining parent moved on very very quickly (very out of character for them but I understand they are entitled to be happy, they have since behaved in ways I don’t understand and don’t recognise and this is why I am trying to keep emotions out of my question but I do have reason to think they have made questionable decisions/choices but I’m trying to be supportive )

My remaining parent now 80 told me today that they are now engaged, no immediate plans to marry but said they are moving fast due to age ( new partner is several years younger)
Their behaviour worries me but as a competent adult they have capacity to make their own choices albeit questionable ones.

My question is what happens to the original will?

I’m presuming that if they marry the old will is ignored and the estate passes to the new spouse?

If they don’t marry does the original will still stand or can my remaining parent change their will in favour of the new partner without marrying?

I really really want to stress that this isn’t about money, my parent can spend their money however they like, I honestly don’t care if there is 50p left when my last parent passes providing they have spent it how they see fit however I do care that my late parents wishes are carried out. They wouldn’t have wanted anything else.

Thank you for any advice.

They can make a new will at any time in favour of anyone.
If they marry old will becomes invalid.

Thank you for confirming, that was what I thought could happen but I was unsure if there was anything legal in place to uphold the wishes of my late parent.

Nothing in place to preserve the wishes of your late parent. Although you know that their wishes were for children/grandchildren to eventually inherit, there's nothing legally in place to ensure that.

Like pp said, remaining parent's will will become invalid once they marry. They can draw up another will once married to ensure that everything goes to children/grandchildren (they don't have to make provision for their new spouse).

Thank you, I thought that was the case but was seeking confirmation.

I just find it sad that my late parents wishes may not be carried out despise it been a joint decision with their spouse at the time.

Unfortunately nothing in place to protect the wishes of your late parent.

Which is the problem with these ‘mirror wills’.

And why my Will leaves my assets direct to my kids.

Not saying that this is your situation but men are notorious for moving on quickly , generally to a woman who is younger, and not doing the due diligence to protect what even they want for their children.

3 of my friends have seen their Mum’s assets disappear like this. The money is one thing, the ‘what would late beloved wife have wanted’ is entirely another. In one case all the savings and house they had had come from HER parents. He let it go to a new wife who left it to her own Dds.

My Mum and Step Dad had mirror wills leaving everything equally to 4 children. After Mum died he then changed his will leaving the house to all 4 but everything else split between his 2 sons.

Of course this was entirely his decision to make but we got on really well and I ended up caring for him. Agree it’s not about the money, it’s the principle that he went against their agreed wishes.

Thank you

Sadly this is exactly the situation that I am in and the reason I am trying to keep my emotions separate as I know my mum would be beyond upset if their original joint decision was overruled especially in respect of her grandchildren in favour of someone he has known for a year.

Thank you

I absolutely agree I don’t care about the money side of the issue, it is the principe of changing the agreed wishes at a later stage that upsets me.

It’s OK to also care about the money, IMO.

Because as you say, it ultimately affects the grandchildren. And it simply isn’t fair to let all the money go to a partner if a year over your own children and grandchildren.

And if I was the new wife in this situation I would insist that the new post-marriage wills reflected the intentions of the originals wrt his offspring.

And if he then died first I would be fair to his offspring in my own will.

However alongside these feckless men there are plenty of new wives with no moral compass.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum OP - this all sounds very difficult. Impossible to keep emotions out of something like this.

Has your father sought legal advice recently? I would gently encourage him to do so, to make sure everyone is looked after. It sounds like he is well aware of his own mortality, so hopefully he will be open to that.

If you want to put your point across, I might be tempted to ask how he would feel if the same happened to you and your husband - if you died, and your husband did this to his grandchildren, how would he feel? Frame it that you want everyone taken care of, not that you want her shoved out.

Thank you, I agree with the fairness issue, I would feel exactly the same.

However in this situation it would his new partners 3rd marriage, she look large financial settlements from the first two

I’m really trying not to sound judgemental as I don’t know the full details but the fact she took large settlements was told to me by my dad before they became a couple, it is very hard to ignore that I have been told this information and still hope for fairness when my mums wishes don’t appear to be in my dads thoughts

Depends what country they are in? Scotland has different rules regarding inheritance for example. Children have an automatic right to inherit part of their parents’ estate.

Thank you, I do need to have a full difficult discussion with him that is factual and not emotional and using the above example is really good advice.

The lady in question seams very nice and I am tying to be supportive for him, he is just not the same person he was 2 years ago in so many ways. I understand he has been through a huge grieving experience which makes life seam short but several of his actions recently have been incredible hurtful towards his family which is why I was hoping to find away to ensures my mums wishes were respected too.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do except point out that he’s disrespecting your mother, whom he presumably loved at one time

You just need to make sure he knows that if he re-marries his current will is invalid and he must make a new one otherwise the rules of intestacy will apply and his new wife will get everything.

As long as he has the information, his actions are his own and you can assume what happens from that point is deliberate.

This is all English law advice. It’s different in Scotland

We are in England if that changes anything

I think your final line sums everything up, thank you, I think I needed someone outside of my family to say it to me!

The last 2 years have been tough and his actions have really not helped, I’ve made so many excuses for his behaviour to myself as well as other people but that last line in your post has suddenly put things into perspective for me, thank you.

I need to have a full factual discussion with him that is probably well overdue.

That will form a large part of my discussion with him, thank you

I don't think it's that simple. The wishes of the dead were made in the light of the circumstances at the time, and hopefully also in consideration of likely future scenarios. But circumstances change, and the best way to respect their wishes is to try to imagine what they would want now, rather than to stick blindly to what they wanted then.

If the original intention was to split equally between named grandchildren, what happens if another grandchild comes along? What if one of the grandchildren suffers from a disability or an accident and has greater needs? What if a new grandchild appears as the result of an affair? I think you honour someone better by considering what they'd want in the current circumstances rather than by sticking blindly to what they actually said.

There is also the issue that money doesn't have any identity. When your mother died it may have been possible at that point to identify what your father inherited from her, and what was his anyway. Years down the line, some of that will have been spent, and some more will have come in. Looking at what's left now, who can say what came from where? How much should be considered as your father's to do as he wants with, and how much as your mother's inheritance to be passed on? Would your view change if you felt that your father had been particularly feckless or conversely had made some very wise investments in the meantime?

I'm not saying that there are any right answers, just that it's nothing like as simple as many people think.

Take legal advice. In most cases of mirror wills you wouldn’t be able to stop the surviving parent from changing the arrangement. However, under the doctrine of mutual wills in English law, if you can show there was an irrevocable agreement between the two parents to arrange their wills in this way, the court can find that the deceased parent’s estate is held on constructive trust for the children and therefore cannot pass to someone else when the surviving parent dies. It’s rare that this would happen but it would be worth taking advice if it’s a sizeable estate.

https://www.farrer.co.uk/news-and-insights/mutual-wills-a-recent-review/#:~:text=The%20doctrine%20of%20mutual%20wills,wills%20in%20a%20certain%20form.

This might assist you

Thank you that is interesting reading, I will look into it fully.

Have you seen dear mums will, there may be a section that says IF I predecease him I would like xxxx to bequeathed to xxxx xxxx or something along those lin otherwise he could write or update his will, like others say the old will is invalud if he marries.

Speak to your father - your worries may be unjustified.

Maybe also have the power of attorney conversation with him being 80. This woman does not know him very well and you have known him your whole life, you would be the best person to look after his affairs should he become ill, develop dementia, etc.

The power of attorney you can do online.