Child maintenance high earner 50/50

[Needadviceslug]

I earn about 17k a year, part of which is PIP and being reassessed, so could drop below 15k a year. I have health issues and can't work more then I do unfortunately. I am struggling.

He earns 100k a year.

We have 50/50 shared care.

What this really means is we have them equal amounts of over nights over a 2 week period. I do after schools except for 2 evenings a week where he has 2 of the children while I take the other one to one of their hobbies. I have them school holidays etc.

I buy their essentials.
I pay for school trips etc
We split their hobbies between us
I do all the emotional labour for them. He won't even put the school notice app onto his phone so he knows what's going on.

He "Disney dads it". Will argue about buying new school shoes but will happily buy them an iPad. They have everything they want at his house. Here they have little and have to share a room.

There is a big money discrepancy in our lifestyle and ability and income. I didn't work and damaged my career being a stay at home parent because he thought it would be best and refused to support me to work paying childcare or anything before we split. I basically supported his career and now he has a great career and I have scraps.

I get the child benefit

I assumed there would be no child maintenance to pay as we have 50/50 shared care.
However on the advice of a friend I just looked up the calculator. It says I would be entitled to £631 a month even though it's 50/50 shared care.

I have raised this to him and he is adamant I am wrong. He's sending me screen shots of the government website saying there is nothing payable 50/50 shared care. He's now looking at fathers rights forums and is adamant he owes me nothing.

So does he owe me maintenance or not?

I am so tired of being poor and struggling while my kids all think Dad is amazing.

We parent amicably. I don't want to explode out situation putting a CMS claim in if I am likely to still get nothing.

If just feels unfair that I (stupidly) gave up my career so we didn't have to pay childcare so he could build his and now my kids see me as the house with little and him as gives them everything Dad when although technically we have shared care 50/50 really I still do all the emotional labour and am responsible for the essential stuff.

Is the government calculator correct or not?

50/50 means he should be doing after school on his days and 50% of all holidays.

But yes, the calculator is correct.

Spousal maintance is a rare possibility in divorce.

I was told by my solicitor there needs to be equality between the two houses…the dc can’t live the life of a prince on one and a pauper in the other. It needs to be fair upon separation. It’s not a one size fits all. So you could very well be entitled to something from him for the dc.

I have seen and read on here before that usually 50/50 means no CMS but if they are a very high earner this could mean that they could be needing to pay?

So basically I have them over night Monday, Thursday and Friday. He has them Tuesday and Wednesday and Saturday. We alternate Sundays. Sometimes those nights switch about a bit depending on what's going on but it works out at half and half over night.

I collect from school every night and drop them to him after he finishes work before bed on his assigned nights. Approx 6:30-7. This is except on Thursday and Fridays. He has 2 children after school while he's working and I take child 3 to a hobby. On a Thursday I collect the other 2 once we're back again about 5:30.

Weekend days vary. Sometimes he has them weekend days. Sometimes I do. Were quite flexible.

On school holidays I have them all week except for the over nights we usually do except usually one day a week here and there where I start to loose the plot and ask him to step in. He won't pay for childcare and is working when he has them so he's reluctant.

If a child is sick off school it is me that has them.

Would you say that this isn't true 50/50 then? Most of my friends have dads who have their kids every other weekend etc so compared to them I thought this was 50/50.

That doesn't sound like 50:50 to me. For a start, he should be responsible from the end of school on his days, not you having them for 3-4 hours each time.

Holidays - again, he should be responsible for organising their care on his days by paying for holiday club, or increasing his contribution to you.

“On school holidays I have them all week except for the over nights we usually do except usually one day a week here and there where I start to loose the plot and ask him to step in. He won't pay for childcare and is working when he has them so he's reluctant.“

You say you have them during holidays but does he also have them during the holidays? It sounds 50/50 what your describing

He has them for the normal over night arrangements in the holidays. I have them during the day in the holidays every day except perhaps a day here and there once a week tops where I end up telling him i could do with a break and he then will begrudgingly take them for the afternoon.

I took it to mean that in the holidays, op still has the DC all week including on his "days" so he can go to work but the kids spend the evening/overnight with them.

I'm not sure if I'd call that 50/50 but it seems like a complicated arrangement regardless.

Were you unmarried? So no assets or pension to split.
Just go by CMS. When he whines, direct him to them. Only communicate by a parenting app, you don't have to listen to anything he says.

Yes I have them on "his days' in the holiday as he's working. I then drop them off at 6:30-7 like normal and he has them over night like normal then I'll collect about 9ish when he starts work.

He won't pay for childcare (this is why I ended up staying home) so if I don't have them in the holidays on his days they are stuck home with him working on calls all day. Also he gets annoyed if I don't have them when he's working as I'm not working during that time as my work is flexible.

Tbh I didn't think there would be any maintenance due. But looking at the calculator it is saying there would be. I'm just quite confused.

We never got married.

OP you are doing unpaid childcare for him to facilitate 50/50 - would he even be able to do 50/50 if you weren't ferrying the kids around to him? He'd definitely have to pay for wrap around care and holiday care. Id perhaps point this out to him and state that this is going to stop. Was this court ordered?

So really the DC just have sleepovers, not shared care.

Its nowhere near 50/50 as far as I can see. You're doing all afterschool and holiday childcare and he's getting away with it for nothing in return. He's pulled a blinder.

No, do not do this you do not need to facilitate his work. The plan is also too much back and forth for the children. This is not 50/50 get a CAO you don’t need to do this as you are no longer together. He is taking the piss.

You might as well just ring the child maintenance line and see what they say. You won't get any money you shouldn't but if there is something they will sort it out.

This is not 50:50 @Needadviceslug

We do the following
Monday and Tuesday night with dh-he drops them to school on weds morning.
weds and Thursday night with me- I drop them to school on Friday morning
and then we alternate Friday evening through to Monday morning.
So if you start on a mon over two weeks it 2, 2, 5, 5, or 2, 5, 2,2, 3 depending on who’s weekend it is but essentially 7 nights each over a 14 day period.

Not court ordered. We just worked it out for ourselves. Tbh I was ok with the arrangement and I didn't think I'd get any maintenance anyway as I thought it was 50/50 but recently I am really financially struggling and tbh last week my kid asked me why I can't be more like Dad when I said I couldn't afford something and tbh it's really highlighted a big financial inequality in terms of his life and the flashy computer he's got them and all that while I am having to get free school meals as he wouldnt pay meals, and my kids not been wearing school shoes for a month because I couldn't afford to buy more with just a few weeks to go until the summer, when at the same time, hes gone out and bought same kid a very expensive hoody. 😕

Starting to think that really this situation isn't all that fair and the fact he makes it out to be isn't really the case.

Worried I'm being a bit bitter because I had to stay home while he built a career.

But I am tired of being "can't afford it Mum" for stuff they actually need when he buys their affection with expensive gifts

CMS only counts overnights so this would be shared care in their eyes. He really needs to be paying for childcare in his days

@Needadviceslug stop being his unpaid servant. Refuse to do the 50/50 and make him take it to court. You need a court order spelling out times and then stick to it. This asshole knows exactly what he's doing, he knows it's only overnights that count.

OP he is just having sleepovers and you are STILL facilitating his career. Honestly, I'd sit him down and state this and that if he truly wants 50/50 then he can but it means he has to pay for childcare (or pay you to do it) or you will go to court to get an alternative arrangement. You are doing all the heavy lifting and he has them to sleep over and you end up with nothing.

OP he is taking you for a mug. You do all the running around to suit him. Pursue with CMS anyway and see. He should be paying for childcare on his days if this was actually 50:50.

One of the reasons no maintenance is due in 50/50 (usually) is because it is assumed your are splitting costs equally. If you are dropping the kids to his house for what is essentially a sleepover, you are incurring petrol costs, after school snacks etc.

It’s great that you have a situation that largely works for your family, but I an slightly concerned you are providing him with all the unpaid labour and convenience of having a wife, without having the financial security of facilitating a high-flying earner.

I would be looking to tweak this arrangement in your shoes so that he is able to parent independently of your support. He sounds like an absolute prize (controlling in your relationship?) so it may be a gradual process. “I’m not able to pick the kids up from school next Tuesday, can you arrange for someone to collect them and watch them until you finish work”.

Yes this.

You either need to tell him to take on true 50/50 care which includes childcare around school, in the holidays on his days and when they are sick or the mid week sleepovers are stopped / not counted and you apply to the CMS and / or court for proper court order.

He really is living the dream disney parent life.