17 week pregnant - child in need meeting.

[bhammumx]

When I was around 6weeks pregnant me and my boyfriend had a verbal argument where I rang the police as he refused to leave my property.

I have then spoke to the social and they have spoken with my boyfriend. We didn’t hear anything for a while.

i am now 17 weeks pregnant and just received a phone call saying there will be a child in need meeting held next week with me , the social worker and midwifery.

has anyone been in this position before? What does this mean?
im scared and confused now as i dont want to loose my baby, we haven’t had any domestics before or since this one incident. No criminal record etc

I would imagine that either the police know something about your partner that you don't or that there has been a misunderstanding. Assuming you are not minimising and you did call the police about a minor disagreement. The vast majority of people wouldn't call the police because of a mild disagreement. So the police will probably be treating it as if you were extremely scared of him, there has been violence and now you are too scared to tell the police the full story.

I suggest you read back through this thread, look at some of the responses to the comments you have made and then ask yourself who it is that doesn’t get it.

Yes they can?

You're spouting an awful lot of stuff that you don't seem to know very much about given with the fact you opened with the fact that SS seemingly can't have meetings about unborn children...

Okay @WinterMorn you and your cluster of social workers carry on with your “practice” in filling in forms and “assessments” and having “learnt lessons” from child deaths. As I thought nothing much has changed for victims.

So what was the tiny thing that you were arguing about at 3am for you to tell him to leave that led to his refusal and your decision to call the Police to have him removed?

Drugs? Alcohol? Other women? Who was going to win the latest Bakeoff?

I messaged the social worker and asked for a copy of the assessment she replied
‘Of course. I can bring it with me next week. The meeting is about support thats all.’

Yes they can.

Unless there are any civil orders in place to prevent contact between the parents then CIN and CP meetings can and do include both parents. They both have parental responsibility and have a right to be part of the plan to safeguard the child.

Your opinion on social workers and how well the system does or doesn't work is a separate matter. The facts are the facts, and that is how it works. Your opinion on that is what the OP is asking, she wants facts

One of you most likely both need help if you're to have any chance of parenting this baby properly. Either you're unstable and called the police on your partner with no cause or he's a threat. You need all the help you can get here OP.

You called the police op! Every couple has disagreements but not many have to call the police because of one. You're minimising this totally, either you overreacted or he is not a good man

🙄

@bhammumx Well make sure you have details of this support. I hope it works out for you.

yes what was the argument about and also how long have you been dating?

The fact you even considered calling the police is a concern, EG high drama, lots of shouting and screaming- stuff like that is desperately frightening for babies and children.

The police were obviously concerned enough to Inform social services.

Newborn Babies are also at risk of being shaken and hurt , as it’s really stressful having a newborn, especially for couples who are young and not settled in a stable, calm relationship.

I know...head of safeguarding my eye!!

Of course they involve both parents.

I've seen people attend ICPCs with a rap sheet as long as your arm.

@bhammumx there are a lot of so-called professionals being less than professional here. You are vulnerable, especially because you are pregnant. The police and children’s services are safeguarding you and your unborn baby because you called out the former to remove your partner following a domestic argument. Imagine the Daily Mail headlines if no action had been taken and the unthinkable were to happen. You must see that this is a proportionate response to your action? The professionals here are doing their jobs and doing them well.

Please, try not to worry excessively, attend the meeting, hear what concerns children’s services have and think about how you can best safeguard your own baby. You really do not want to go down the road of having your baby removed because that will cause untold misery and lifelong harm to you and your child.

Maybe they will ask you both to go on anger management and parenting courses

I have refused a CIN meeting on the grounds they had no right to bully me into accepting care I didn't want and had repeatedly declined.

They can't go ahead without your consent. As I said, please contact Samantha Gadsden, a doula and a women's rights activist.

Say no and SS will have to back off.

Once they are involved, that is it.

My other advice is to get rid of the bloke. Stop minimising the situation when it was you who felt compelled to call the police. No relationship should be so dire that you have to do that, just to force your ex/partner to leave.

Raise your standards quickly. This isn't a game, there is a baby to think about as well as you. You matter, your happiness, health and wellbeing matters.

This man you're defending is not father materiel if he is protecting, loving and safe guarding you at all times. These things are never "one offs".

Any mature, rational, sensible man would leave a property when asked to.

No matter what the weather, or time of day/ night.

The fact your response was to call the police is indeed a concern-Eg that you could be overreacting and a bit volatile?

This is why they are concerned.

She won't answer how long they have been together.......

No, because he refused to leave when you asked him to, after an argument, and you had to call the police to get rid of him.

That isn't a nice man. That's an aggressive, controlling man.

@Dacadactyl and For all those actual social workers on here, pulling faces to a challenge , regarding practice matters. I used to, as an expert witness, take apart Social worker “evidence” with particular regard to oppressive practice.

best example statement being “she puts her needs before the child”

Many victims of DV will believe the perp, that everyone is “out to get him”and they as a family must “stick together”. “We will win this if we do”

Amongst other things. It is called coercive control. It is not dissimilar to cult like brainwashing.

The victim will feel secondary abuse from social work interventions, it would be much better to have services alongside refuge where the victim is away from perp influences. But that is a pipe dream given current funding.

what i find familiar is the sneery self righteous attitude of self proclaimed sw practitioners who mostly fail in keeping women safe.

Are you afraid of him?
Can you honestly say that you believe he's a suitable father for your baby?