17 week pregnant - child in need meeting.

[bhammumx]

When I was around 6weeks pregnant me and my boyfriend had a verbal argument where I rang the police as he refused to leave my property.

I have then spoke to the social and they have spoken with my boyfriend. We didn’t hear anything for a while.

i am now 17 weeks pregnant and just received a phone call saying there will be a child in need meeting held next week with me , the social worker and midwifery.

has anyone been in this position before? What does this mean?
im scared and confused now as i dont want to loose my baby, we haven’t had any domestics before or since this one incident. No criminal record etc

Ok so should I let him be at the CIN meeting or just attend myself or with a friend

I agree that it can't be actioned until baby is born, however, it can and would be actioned at birth if severe enough. Although OP, that is in extreme cases and as you're currently CIN they will be hoping to work with you collaboratively.

You have the right to refuse their involvement - CIN is voluntary. Although I wouldn't recommend it as such.

Exactly. I've had disagreements with my partner but have never been at the point of calling the police on him.

I agree I think you're minimising.

No one calls the police because they simply want someone to leave their home.

I'm guessing something you said to police or your partner said to SW has triggered concern.

You wouldn’t recommend refusing their involvement?? Or you wouldn’t recommend having the CIN

@bhammumx you don’t say how long you have been in this relationship but maybe your BF is known to children’s services? Have you ever done a Claire’s Law request on him? It could be that the concerns are around him, especially if they have already spoken to him and not you?

Also, for those saying that children’s services won’t pre-birth plan; you’re wrong, they absolutely do. I’m an adoptive parent of two non-birth-related children, both of whom were removed at birth because of concerns about the future risk of significant harm.

@OP, please, if I could give you any advice, it would be to cooperate fully with children’s services and jump through all the hoops they ask of you.

I can't answer whether he should be there op I'm not familiar enough with the process, hopefully other posters will have advice. Either way I think having a friend there if possible who can take notes and support you would be a very good idea.

Yes I am going to cooperate. The social worker said I am aloud to be with my partner, and that he can attend the meeting but everyone on here is telling me to leave him so I’m confused

@bhammumx it beggars belief that if SS thinks he is a risk that they would invite him. As it is your home and your body up for debate i would say it is up to you.

But i would advise not to include him yet, see what they have to say, have your parents with you, show you have solid family support around you.

Am I able to attach text messsges on here? As I am not lying I asked if I can have contact with him and she said yes can he come too

It’s quite bizarre that the police attended to ask your partner to leave if it was simply a verbal disagreement in which you didn’t feel threatened. Must have been a quiet night at your local station.

In your situation I would ask questions but would also be jumping through whatever hoops offered to prove that I am a good parent.

I am also a social worker and in some authorities they will hold a child in need meeting mid way through an assessment to discuss next steps/plan of support but you do have to consent to this and to the assessment being completed in the first place.

I would call or email the social worker and ask for the purpose of the meeting and ask if the assessment has started as you do not recall giving consent and would like to discuss it further.

They must have because that’s what they did 🤷🏽‍♀️

Having him at the meeting is separate to being with him.
He could come but you could say you are not with him anymore. You are there for the baby.

It’s not normal to call the police because you want your partner to leave. Either you ask and they leave. Or they don’t want to leave/can’t leave at that time because of transport etc- so they go to another room. There must have been a reason why you were desperate to not have him there. Why was it such a big deal that he left? So it would then make sense that SS are now involved as you had to call the police on your partner because neither of you could sort that out in a usual way. Do you know much about his past relationships?

I can see how he might think it was unreasonable for him to be asked to leave at 3am, so he resisted which wound you up further to calling the police. Is this what happened Op, or was it entirely his fault? I don't think posters can make an assessment on whether he'd be a good father/ their relationship is doomed on this one event.

For example, dp and I have had a very long, happy relationship with 2 children, but at the beginning I had ptsd and would frequently have panic attacks over small disagreements and things could become blown out of proportion in the small hours. Dp did not much wrong but was frequently thrown out by me.

@bhammumx then I would take this message at face value and, if you believe that you are safe and your partner is not a risk and you want to be together long-term, you can both attend and find out why you are being assessed and what help the LA can offer you. Parenting a newborn is very stressful and exhausting so I would grab all the help I was offered with both hands. To be honest, I think it’s great that children’s services are following through so positively here and trying to protect an unborn baby and keep that baby with their birth parents.

That’s absolutely untrue. I have attended numerous meetings like this in a professional capacity where both parents are invited. Were you really head of safeguarding somewhere?

I agree I shouldn’t have rang the police and was wrong to kick him out at 3am as it was literally over nothing but I over reacted

Yes it was literally like that, over a small disagreement, I wanted him out and he wouldn’t leave I over reacted and rang the police. There wasn’t any physical violence and I told the police from the start my boyfriend is here and won’t leave, that’s all

@WinterMorn what is untrue? If DV is suspected then putting a perp in the same room as a victim is bad practice.

Yes i was thank you also an expert witness in family court proceedings, over a number of years. Had two pro bono solicitors working for our female clients. Whose already miserable experiences were made worse by judgemental over zealous social workers who seemed to think women were at fault for being victims.

Try and see how it looks to people who don't know you. It's not really normal to call the police on your partner in the middle of the night. Obviously if you feel unsafe then you absolutely should. But you admit that you felt safe and it was over 'nothing'. I can't speak for everyone else but the urge to call the police on a partner in the middle of the night over a minor disagreement just hasn't featured in my agenda at any point in my life so far. I wouldn't invite that drama into my life and I certainly wouldn't invite it into my child's (unborn and born) unless I was threatened in some way or it was absolutely necessary. 'The Social' will be wondering why you chose to make that call, were you overreacting or genuinely unsafe? And if it's the former they will want to help you. If it's the latter then at very best you have wasted a huge amount of very stretched resources and time that could be better concentrated elsewhere. You instigated this circus, now you have to participate in it.

@Karensalright well, I guess the several regional Children’s Services teams I have worked with are guilty of bad practice then 🤷‍♀️

I meant the latter, always get those confused 😵‍💫

I couldn’t agree more. OP your clear minimisation of the incident is exactly why there needs to be a meeting. No one rings the Police because they’ve just had an argument.

@WinterMorn Jesus dont you get it? A perp is likely to oppress and terrorise a victim prior to a meeting and blame her for then being subject to safeguarding in the first place.

YES IT IS BLOODY AWFUL PRACTICE!!!