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Original poster

Unfair dismissal? Embarrassing situation

104 replies

Sunnytimes21 · 02/04/2024 11:41

Hi, posting on behalf of my adult daughter. She has been text by her boss advising she no longer has a job. She's been there about a year on a zero hour contract but works about 30 hours a week. The text body said he had gone through her cardigan pocket on her week off and found a wrapped used tampon. He said she was 'tragic' and he hoped she'd learn from her mistake, but he doubts it and that she no longer has a job there. I admit, it's not ideal because she works in a kitchen.
She's since been contacted by her former colleagues, who are all aware of this, as he has told everyone.
I've advised her to go to citizens advice as to me, mistakes are made, but there is no need to shame her, sack her and call her names. She's distraught. What do you think?

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 02/04/2024 20:34

Livingonaprayeryeah · 02/04/2024 20:06

I feel bad for your Daughter as it is very embarrassing for other people to know. He should have kept it confidential.

However, you only know what your Daughter tells you. Just as we only know your side of the story.

I am not buying this as the whole story.

I don’t want to be too personal, but where did she remove/replace said used tampon? If it was at a Friends house, then the toilet is the only place she would have done this one would presume; so said tampon would have been flushed away immediately…

Something doesn't add up with this very odd story.

I think you need a proper face to face chat with your Daughter as this isn’t adding up. You can even think of UD claims without knowing the full background.

You shouldn't flush tampons. So yeah it's completely normal that she didn't flush it.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 02/04/2024 20:39

TAMPONS ARE NOT FLUSHABLE, FOLKS!

Sorry about your DD, OP, hope she can learn from and move on past this experience.

AllstarFacilier · 02/04/2024 20:54

Is he not breaking some sort of confidentiality by telling people the reasons she’s been sacked? I didn’t think you were allowed to say to people

PixiePirate · 02/04/2024 20:56

Your poor daughter - I really feel for her.

Would she feel confident enough to reply to him saying that she accepts the decision is his to make, but is shocked and disappointed at the immature and unprofessional way he’s dealt with the situation and is now ‘considering her options’.

It’s clearly too late for the job to be salvaged but it might just make him reflect and feel a little fear that she could proceed with a sex discrimination claim. I’m not saying I think she necessarily has a case or should try to pursue one, but I thought it might help your DD feel like she’s taking back a little control and having her say.

if I was your DD’s colleague I would feel sympathy for her and disgust at the boss. She just made a mistake. He was deliberately cruel by calling her names and sharing private information with her colleagues. The shame stops with him.

Creamcoconut · 02/04/2024 21:16

He could have dealt with this in a professional manner. There was no need for him to gossip about a fellow worker. Surely he could had a talk with her instead, it wasn’t ideal to leave a tampon there but wrapped and in her pocket it would have been away from any food.

ImplodingKitten · 02/04/2024 22:27

Gosh I'm amazed to hear people saying their used tampons don't smell?! Mine definitely do and the smell would be pretty bad after a few days in a warm environment. I wonder if it depends on what tampon brand you use (eg natural ones vs ones with chemicals in)? Or maybe some people's period blood is just naturally less smelly than others...

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/04/2024 22:41

housethatbuiltme · 02/04/2024 18:32

If the staff are hanging their coats up in the actual food prep area instead of a dedicate store room away from food then the BOSS isn't doing his job in hygiene and infection control not the staff.

A wrapped item in a pocket of a coat in an entirely separate room poses little to no risk. The fact she works in a kitchen actually has NOTHING to do with this at all.

The boss had no right to go through her belongings, also had no right to talk about her belonging to other staff. If for instance it was a pregnancy test do you think he would be allowed to tell her co-workers shes pregnant?

I also doubt if it was a used kleenex in a mans pocket (arguably possibly a bigger contagion) that he would be instantly fired and shamed.

Do you think there would honestly be this outrage if it had been chewed chewing gum wrapped in a old sweet wrapper in her pocket? (ever looked at the underside of public tables and chairs - same risk of bodily fluids though)

This thread is really eye opening to the ingrained level of misogyny though.

I agree, a real eye opener.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/04/2024 22:49

GHSP · 02/04/2024 20:16

How many people here would want to eat in a restaurant where the kitchen staff stored used tampons in their pockets for a week? Yuck.

i think the woman involved needs to take it on the chin: it’s a life lesson - and start afresh in another job.

What do you think you'd get from a used , wrapped tampon in a pocket in the staff room? Cardigans aren't kept in kitchens.

CalisthenicsOnDemand · 04/04/2024 13:15

This is Legal, not AIBU but most replies don't seem to reflect that!
Whether she has grounds for a case depends on the circumstances surrounding the discovery OP. Why was he searching her pockets? Did the tampon fall out?
You can also contact an employment solicitor for a free initial consultation but ultimately this isn't clear cut.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/04/2024 11:52

Hope your daughter is OK.

Messagetoyou · 05/04/2024 12:11

Sunnytimes21 · 02/04/2024 12:05

I guess I'm jumping to her defense because she's my daughter and she just forgot about it. Maybe she didn't want to put it in her friends kitchen bin? I'm not sure to be honest. I just felt that his response could have been much more tactile.

Why on earth didn’t she flush it. Surely the friend had a loo at her house. It’s disgusting really, her boss must have been mortified. He’s probably gone through her pockets trying to find the source of the smell.

OneMoreTime23 · 05/04/2024 12:19

Messagetoyou · 05/04/2024 12:11

Why on earth didn’t she flush it. Surely the friend had a loo at her house. It’s disgusting really, her boss must have been mortified. He’s probably gone through her pockets trying to find the source of the smell.

Show quote history

Tampons shouldn’t be flushed.

TraitorsGate · 05/04/2024 12:19

He shouldn't be telling everyone but they may be asking why she's gone, she will be better off not working there with a boss like that. Is it a privately owned or chain restaurant? She shouldn't have put it in her pocket, does she carry a bag ? I don't understand why clothes except maybe aprons and caps would be hung up in food prep areas, don't they have a staff or changing room.

Nowayhayday · 05/04/2024 12:26

I don't think it's that big a deal.
He sounds like an unpleasant man and she would not want to go back there. Calling her tragic and saying he doesn't think she'll learn suggests other dislike of her beyond tampon-gate.

Messagetoyou · 05/04/2024 12:31

OneMoreTime23 · 05/04/2024 12:19

Tampons shouldn’t be flushed.

Show quote history

Since when. I’ve not used them since I had a hysterectomy ten years ago. I’m obvs out of date.

housethatbuiltme · 05/04/2024 12:33

Messagetoyou · 05/04/2024 12:11

Why on earth didn’t she flush it. Surely the friend had a loo at her house. It’s disgusting really, her boss must have been mortified. He’s probably gone through her pockets trying to find the source of the smell.

Show quote history

Its disgusting and possibly even illegal (you can definitely get fined) since its against the contract you take with your water company to flush tampons.

Its a kin to littering which causes blockages which release contaminants from overwhelmed systems which could risk peoples lives and the environment.

Nothing gross about periods just the lingering historic ignorance and shaming surrounding them.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 05/04/2024 12:39

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 02/04/2024 18:23

This. Though they do need to be providing a suitable means of disposal

Show quote history

@haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain

What? At her friends house?

to me it sounds like there's a lot more to this.

but she'll be fine, there's not a shortage of crap places to work on zero hours contracts.

Messagetoyou · 05/04/2024 12:52

housethatbuiltme · 05/04/2024 12:33

Its disgusting and possibly even illegal (you can definitely get fined) since its against the contract you take with your water company to flush tampons.

Its a kin to littering which causes blockages which release contaminants from overwhelmed systems which could risk peoples lives and the environment.

Nothing gross about periods just the lingering historic ignorance and shaming surrounding them.

Show quote history

There’s nothing gross about periods. There’s plenty gross about leaving a bloody tampon in your cardigan in a kitchen work environment

MariaVT65 · 05/04/2024 14:22

Op i think we’ve all been in situations where we’ve had to leave jobs (voluntarily or not) where there has been a major arsehole there. Her boss handled it terribly but I would encourage her to let it go as nothing will come of it.

I have to agree that tampons do smell and that was likely the reason her pockets were searched.

Bathrooms without bins are one of my pet peeves. Especially if you have guests.

Hope she finds another job op.

PaperDoIIs · 05/04/2024 20:54

TraitorsGate · 05/04/2024 12:19

He shouldn't be telling everyone but they may be asking why she's gone, she will be better off not working there with a boss like that. Is it a privately owned or chain restaurant? She shouldn't have put it in her pocket, does she carry a bag ? I don't understand why clothes except maybe aprons and caps would be hung up in food prep areas, don't they have a staff or changing room.

It's irrelevant that they're asking. It's personal information.

The cardigan being in the kitchen is more of an issue than the tampon, IF it was there. Odds are it wasn't .

VestibuleVirgin · 07/04/2024 09:08

Sunnytimes21 · 02/04/2024 11:51

She was a friends house before she went to work and there was nowhere to dispose of it, so she wrapped it and meant to dispose of it somewhere suitable, but forgot.

Did her friend not have a lavatory?

VestibuleVirgin · 07/04/2024 09:11

housethatbuiltme · 05/04/2024 12:33

Its disgusting and possibly even illegal (you can definitely get fined) since its against the contract you take with your water company to flush tampons.

Its a kin to littering which causes blockages which release contaminants from overwhelmed systems which could risk peoples lives and the environment.

Nothing gross about periods just the lingering historic ignorance and shaming surrounding them.

Show quote history

It is not illegal in the uk to dispose of tampons in the lavatory

WarshipRocinante · 07/04/2024 09:17

VestibuleVirgin · 07/04/2024 09:11

It is not illegal in the uk to dispose of tampons in the lavatory

Show quote history

No but it’s stupid, disgusting, irresponsible and costs everyone to deal with the issues in the poor system. I hope you’re not stupid enough to flush anything other than toilet paper.

VestibuleVirgin · 07/04/2024 09:40

WarshipRocinante · 07/04/2024 09:17

No but it’s stupid, disgusting, irresponsible and costs everyone to deal with the issues in the poor system. I hope you’re not stupid enough to flush anything other than toilet paper.

Show quote history

Fuck me, I made a single point about the legality of a situation in order to clarify indignant post about contracts with water suppliers
No need for the 'i hope you don't....' comment at all. Wind your daft neck in