Ex H cashing in on me dying.

[HelpIcantfindaname]

I have Stage 4 cancer, prognosis about 10 months. I had to give up work & am struggling to pay my bills while still having a mortgage.

Ex H & I took out decreasing mortgage cover when our daughter was born. I have paid all premiums. I have always paid the mortgage. The house is in my name as I bought it before I met ex hubby.

He left for OW when DD was 7. We divorced 4 years later. We did it online. I petitioned, he paid half costs. We did not do a clean break.

I have claimed the mortgage insurance early. The company have agreed to pay out but told me ex H is legally entitled to half as his name is still on the policy.

Ex H wants his half. To me it's like giving him free money, he's cashing in on me dying. If I'd been able to work till I'd paid my mortgage there would be no payout. This policy was not originally taken out to allow anyone to have a windfall. It's for our daughters security.

When I die she wants to remain living in this house with my current husband & her stepbrother.

Macmillan gave me the number of Legacare, they help cancer patients with small fees & first consultation free to see if there is a case but I haven't heard back from them yet. I called another solicitor - they want £1k upfront just to open a case, & then £350 per hour. I don't have that money.

Also, as I've remarried I can't claim anything from ex H. He owns his own house now, which he bought before the divorce.He can claim on my estate. If we did a clean break now he would be alerted to my other assets - could he refuse a clean break so he can go after my life insurance, pension & house? My will leaves these to my family, but could he contest?

Please can anyone advise?

@Britpop123 because surely in the situation described, he shouldn't get the payout?

I'd be tempted to name him/picture him and rubbish him everywhere...online, on social media, with banners on railings locally etc etc, if he truly has nothing to do with his child.

My only concern about doing this would be the likely impact on DD.

You’re posting on a thread in Legal Matters
legally why shouldn’t he get it?

Because he is divorced from her and she's paid the mortgage/premiums without him.

Have you claimed the benefits you’re entitled to op? (I’m sorry for your diagnosis and situation with your ex, it’s a shitty thing to do, vile).

Horrendous. How can he have no moral compass at a time like this? Selfish arsehole.

I hope you manage to get this sorted in your favour and I hope this doesn’t ruin your precious time over the coming months.

Which is irrelevant. It is a policy in joint names. Whatever you may think, the insurance company is required by law to pay out equally to OP and her H. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. This is not a newsworthy story.

ExH does have parental responsibility but DD will be 16 in October. She won't be going to live with him. He wouldn't want the responsibility anyway. He only put curtains up in her room last year, after 7 years. And she still doesn't have a proper quilt. There's hardly any room for her stuff as the room is full of his gfs stuff. Even when DD had toys there they all had to be stored under her bed along with her clothes. Even her toiletries, including her Toothbrush are stored under the bed. His gf has anxiety & many times DD's visit has been cancelled as husband gf was unwell. When gfs family came to stay DD couldn't as they had her room. The family often arrange things DD can't get to easily as she's at school & ExH won't drive 18 miles through rush hour to collect her for a teatime birthday meal out. It's often his dad who drives DD back & forth. (& no, she can't get the bus, it would involve 3 buses, & as DD is autistic she cant cope getting a bus alone.) When she used to go to his more often he wouldn't help her with homework as he didn't know how - if we get stuck with homework we Google how to do it. These are her gcse years, she has a lot of homework.

ExH has never mentioned spending the money on her. He wants it for himself as he feels he should have taken more when he walked out on our marriage. He told me this is about me & him & nothing to do with DD. To me it's s all about DD & her security.

She's said she will never speak to him again. He's prepared to lose his relationship with her over money. I doubt he will want the responsibility of her living with him.

@TousBous clicked on the 3 dots. It doesn't give an edit option.

So sorry about your situation, OP. It's horrible and your Ex is a twat, but trying to fight this is going to take up precious time and energy, and will probably end up with him getting the money, with you having paid out legal fees on top.

You might be better off focusing on making your Will as watertight as possible, so that your Ex cannot claim against your estate, and on ensuring that your DD's inheritance is in trust for her.

I'd get a solicitor. There's no other way to settle it. Otherwise you might be leaving behind a mess for your family to deal with.

Adding a little more info...

If DD was going to live with her dad I'd have set up a trust fund to enable him to have money for her.

I'd never expected to be paying a mortgage while on my pension. My monthly pension does not cover all the bills so I have to use some of the lump sum each month. We have made some improvements to our house - the driveway was steep & dangerous for me getting out of the car as I had to step down onto a bank so we got a new one. The steps from the French door were too steep for me & the patio was old & cracked so we replaced that too. We were hoping to change the bath to a walking shower too but we can't now. When ex H lived here we borrowed £20k on the mortgage to do home improvements. That means the actually amount on the mortgage is £20k more than the mortgage cover will pay out. This amount has to come out of my pension lump sum. If I also have to pay the the £30k ex H will take the lump sum will be gone.

And my life insurance is for DH for DDs keep, & to cover her uni fees. Also my funeral - I do have a funeral plan but it doesn't cover the wake, & the family may want more funeral cars.

My will covers all of the above. It also leaves DH a lifetime interest to live in the house. When it is sold it will be split between DD & my 3 adult DC. Or that's the plan if exH doesn't try to take anything more.

If this is the new you what was the old you like? Rude and unnecessary.

You only get a couple of minutes to edit a post, OP.
After that the option disappears.

Firstly I'm so sorry you have been dealt such devastating news. And also that you have this difficult situation to deal with. You ex is a real piece of work.

I don't know anything about divorce law but many moons ago I worked in financial services. At the time you took out the policy it would have been the norm to complete a client financial questionnaire and part of that would be to justify why the life cover was needed. So I would assume it would have clearly stated the cover was to pay off the mortgage in the event of death. In your case the terminal illness clause has been used. The insurance company has deemed that death will be inevitable and have paid early so the funds should go to pay off the mortgage. Have you contacted the financial conduct authority? They have helplines that you could use to discuss the policy and the claim. I do feel you still need legal advice regarding the divorce and whether he has any claim on your property. Have you tried the citizens advice? Again I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry for all you have been through. Do you have a paper trail of the decisions leading up to taking that particular insurance product? Do you - more importantly - have any emails or notes of the decision not to put it into your name alone? I’m wondering whether the IFA or the company that sold you the cover put any even inadvertent obstacles in your way… Look up the Consumer Duty. Wishing you strength ♥️

If he owns his own house now and you don't have a clean break you can go for half his house I think? Perhaps telling him you will be doing this will get him to sign a clean break now

I'm not a legal bod, but you mentioned in your previous post that your ex is well off, if this is the case and you've not done a financial settlement, is it worth speaking to a solicitor to see if you're entitled to anything from him? This might be the leverage to get the financial order sorted and as part of that, he agrees to leave the insurance payout to be used on paying off your mortgage?

These types of agreements can survive divorce. They can be created between any two people so they didn’t even need to be married.

You know that works two ways.

Get legal advice as this is much bigger than the insurance payout; hopefully a clean break order will also give you a share of his assets if he can’t agree terms with you.

If this is the new you what was the old you like? Rude and unnecessary

It's true though. Repeating a thread to just get the same responses is pointless.

The OP needs to speak to a solicitor IRL. We can call him all the bastards under the sun over and over again but it won't change anything.

Nothing said on here will give the OP peace

Whilst I understand you’re upset at this, the problem is that the policy is in both your names, which you knew about, but didn’t rectify when you split up. If he had died, you would have received all the money. Personally, I’d be tempted to not make a claim on the policy and let it run its course. I’m assuming the mortgage is fairly low as you bought the house solely over 15 years ago. Also, your DH should be contributing to the living costs? Do you have enough savings to pay off the mortgage eventually? If not, what provision is in place for DH to be able to stay there?

DH does contribute to living costs but unfortunately is on a fairly low salary. We do have money so could pay off the whole mortgage if I only get half of the mortgage insurance, which is looking likely.. But that money is/was earnarked for other things, like university for DD. And money to help pay for her upkeep. They weren't all meant to be poorer when I'm gone.

@barkymcbark
I never said he was well off. He still works very little. His gf had a large settlement from her ex but I've no idea if she still has it. He owns their house, it was his dad's & his dad sold it to him cheaply.

He bought the house before we divorced so it was part of the marital pot. At that point he wanted half of my house, then backed down to saying he wouidnt take any of it as long as DD & I did not move house & no-one else lived here with us. This was just after Id met my now DH, a year after exH left. I found out his house is only in his name, not his gf, so I told him Id go after half of his. Then he agreed to leave my house alone. I've read that as I've remarried I can't claim anything from exH.

I should have done the clean break before I remarried but I'd just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, my own dad was dying & I had to put my mam in a home as she has alzheimers & couldn't live alone. My head was not in the best place to think straight that summer.

You need to see a solicitor. But I think the provision you are making towards your current husband is disadvantaging your daughter as much if not more than this policy. You also need to establish what the impact of not having a clean break will be on your will. Which is at the core of the problem.

Your current husband can surely fund your daughter to the end of university in return for getting to live rent free for the rest of his life. Why not leave her the life insurance? Why not leave her the house without his right to live there for possibly decades?

Given what has happened make your daughter your beneficiary. Don’t rely on your DH when she is a few years off maturity. What if he remarries? He needs to fund his life and that of his son.

@LemonTT

DH does pay bills here. He pays for all of the food shopping, not cheap for a family of 4, plus 3 pets. He also gets rent from his old house...it was left to his son when his last wife died of cancer 13 years ago. DH owns 2% & has a lifetime interest. We can't sell it as DSS wants to live there eventually so the rent goes towards upkeep of that house & living costs for DSS.

My will states DH can no longer live here if he remarries & he can't move anyone else in. If that should happen, or if he dies, before DD is old enough to look after herself my DS35 would move in. My will is quite complicated.

I plan to speak to my will guy again after speaking to a solicitor & this insurance company.

I've been unable to get anymore information from the insurance company as the woman handling our claim has been on leave since last Tues. I rang the main claims department but they couldn't tell me anything as she wasn't there. She's back today.