13 year old running away/leaving home

[bellalula]

Yesterday my 13 year old autistic nephew left home. Packed a bag, told my sister that he was going to move in with his girlfriend and left. His girlfriend is 16 (and pregnant, apparently planned) and living at home with her mother, who has seemingly welcomed him into her home with open arms.

Sis has called police, who've said they can't make him come home (although they did go round there and tell him he should come back the next day). Sis has also phoned SS who basically said the same thing - they can't make him come home. They don't even consider there to be a child protection issue! They have opened a case because of the baby, but don't seem to have any urgency in dealing with it, or protecting nephew from what we're considering grooming/sexual abuse (he's been completely brainwashed by his g/f and her mother).

Is there anything more my DS can do? Seems bonkers that a (vulnerable) child she's legally responsible for can just go and live somewhere else?

This is a safeguarding concern. Its classed as private fostering.
*A Private Fostering arrangement is essentially one that is made without the involvement of a Local Authority for the care of a child under the age of 16 (under 18 if disabled) by someone other than a parent or close relative for 28 days or more for these purposes a close relative is defined as a grandparent, brother, sister, uncle or aunt (whether of the full blood or half blood or by marriage or civil partnership) or step-parent"). Privately fostered children are a diverse and sometimes vulnerable group which includes:

• Children sent from abroad to stay with another family, usually to improve their educational opportunities;
• Asylum-seeking and refugee children;
• Teenagers who, having broken ties with their parents, are staying in short–term arrangements with friends or other non-relatives (sometimes called 'sofa surfas');
• Language students living with host families.

Under the Children Act 1989, private foster carers and those with Parental Responsibility are required to notify the local authority of their intention to privately foster or to have a child privately fostered, or where a child is privately fostered in an emergency. Teachers, health and other professionals should notify the local authority of a private fostering arrangement that comes to their attention, where they are not satisfied that the arrangement has been or will be notified. It is the duty of every local authority to ensure the welfare of the children who are privately fostered within their area is being satisfactorily safeguarded and promoted. The local authority must also arrange to visit privately fostered children at regular intervals. All arrangements and regulations in relation to Private Fostering are set out in the Children (Private Arrangements for Fostering) Regulations 2005. Children should be given the contact details of the social worker who will be visiting them while they are being privately fostered*

But sis doesn't agree to him being privately fostered by the g/f's mother? She wants him to be extracted from what is effectively a grooming situation, and then receive some sort of counselling to get him to understand that he's a victim.

So she needs to contact the LA safeguarding team and inform them of this situation.

This sort of thing is very common although not usually at 13, 13 is pretty young.

He's chosen to break ties with his mother.

The police have been round and told him to go back home.

As long as he has a reasonably safe place where he is staying (which presumably the police checked), the police are unlikely to try to return him to his parents.

They will return teenagers who are on the streets/getting involved with drugs/subjected to violence.

Your sister could try reporting him as a missing person to get the police to look for him although I suspect as she knows where he is that would be wasting police time.

Worth talking to school about? They might be able to persuade him to go home, although a lot will depend on what he tells them about the home environment.

This is a safeguarding issue - contact the local MASH and make a referal, inform school and get them to make a referal. The police need to be take more action in terms of safeguarding. If nothing is progressed then make complaints to police, local authority and school. Put everything in writing.

He’s a 13 year old having sex with a 16 year old though. He hasn’t just gone to stay with his best mate for a bit.

Everyone saying this is safeguarding and contact MASH etc - she has done, they are doing an assessment of the baby.
Social services have no power to remove the boy from this house. Police could do, but unless he's obviously at risk of harm they won't. Having underage sex clearly isn't considered harm according to this police force. The sister may want to put in a complaint about that.
BUT even if police go in there and remove him and bring him home what's to stop him going again? They won't keep doing it - they will expect the parent/s to make every effort to keep him home and if they can't then there isn't anything they can do is there?
this is a parenting/family relationship issue, not a police/social services issue.

What do you expect police to actually do though? Unless he makes a complaint himself they won't arrest the girlfriend, and if they remove the boy he will just go back again when he gets the chance surely

Is the baby his? Isn't it rape if a 16 year old (age of consent) has sex with someone underage?

No. The offence is unlawful sexual activity with a child under 16 and police/CPS exercise discretion when considering whether to take action when the perpetrator is also very young as in this case.

What's the point in age of consent then? Most 16 year old girls have finished puberty whilst a 13 year old boy has only just started. The physical and emotional development between 13 and 16 is incredibly vast. The perpetrator is not 'very young.' She's a totally normal age to have sex but the victim was in primary school 2 years ago.

It feels really wrong that social services and the police are just letting this happen. As for deciding he hasn't suffered harm, how do they possibly conclude that in the circumstances? Its not normal for a 13 year old to move into the home of their 16 year old pregnant girlfriend. Something's seriously wrong.

Try phoning the nspcc helpline. They are brilliant and will give advice and support as well as following things up for you.

This. I called them about a situation with my then 13 year old- very different thing but they were extremely knowledgeable about what was what from a legal and safeguarding perspective, gave guidance on actions I could take and were able to support with them.

Again, social services have no legal powers to remove the child from this house. Police do, but they are unlikely to do so, a) because the legal threshold for removal is very high and they would probably say it's not met and b) because he's likely to just run back when he gets the chance.
This is a parenting issue, a relationship issue, not one for authorities to deal with in the short term. Social services should be offering advice and guidance and carrying out an assessment but that doesn't mean they will necessarily open a plan for the boy.

women cannot rape anyone

A teenager takes themself out of their parents home into an alternative, safe environment - no, there is nothing you can do to prevent that, and why would you? You cannot force someone home and hold them there against their will

I'm not suggesting the police should drag him home by the scruff of his neck. But there are serious safeguarding issues here. At 13, especially with additional needs, he may well not have legal capacity to make the decisions he appears to be making - the police/SS can't possibly know that without assessing him individually.

Women can groom and abuse (sexually abuse and coercive control) children though, which is what this 16 year old did to the 13 year old boy. How can a fully developed 16 year old girl (basically a woman really) be attracted to a 13 year old boy who's only just started puberty? At 16 she's either one of the oldest in her year at school or she's at college.

And the fact that the boy may return to his girlfriend does not absolve the police/SS of their duty to act. The same might be true of a 10 year old who ran away. Or an 8 year old. Or would that be a 'parenting and relationship issue' too?

Victims of coercive relationships often return to their abusers because...they are being coerced. The fact that we are blithely being told "nothing to see here" by someone who sounds as if she has knowledge of the system tells you why it is so easy for abusers to get away with it.

I don't disagree that the situation is dire. But there is a difference legally and emotionally between a 10 and a 13 year old.
i ask you, what do you think social services should be doing here?

I read the girl is 16, the boy 13.

Surely that's a criminal offence?

In terms of what your sister can do, she seems to have gone straight to the police/SS.

Can I ask whether there were any issues that might have led up to this?

It's not uncommon for teenagers with significant special needs to struggle with the social skills needed for romantic relationships, and some are groomed by much older people online into sending nudes etc.

It can be very very difficult to work with these teens as they are often convinced that they are in love and their partner is in love with them and it will last forever.

Getting them to refocus on staying in school/other aspects of life can be very challenging.

Is your nephew still going to school? What's the wider picture here?

It is but, given the closeness of their ages and the fact that it appears the relationship is consensual, it is unlikely to lead to a prosecution.

Yes, but it's unlikely to be prosecuted. Firstly because the victim would need to make a statement/complaint and secondly because the older party is close in age.