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Original poster

13 year old running away/leaving home

67 replies

bellalula · 13/10/2023 17:03

Yesterday my 13 year old autistic nephew left home. Packed a bag, told my sister that he was going to move in with his girlfriend and left. His girlfriend is 16 (and pregnant, apparently planned) and living at home with her mother, who has seemingly welcomed him into her home with open arms.

Sis has called police, who've said they can't make him come home (although they did go round there and tell him he should come back the next day). Sis has also phoned SS who basically said the same thing - they can't make him come home. They don't even consider there to be a child protection issue! They have opened a case because of the baby, but don't seem to have any urgency in dealing with it, or protecting nephew from what we're considering grooming/sexual abuse (he's been completely brainwashed by his g/f and her mother).

Is there anything more my DS can do? Seems bonkers that a (vulnerable) child she's legally responsible for can just go and live somewhere else?

OP posts:
Mamasharp97 · 15/10/2023 08:29

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 14/10/2023 18:05

Sigh
No, because that's not an offence in this country. It has been discussed at length why police are unlikely to take any action on this offence and I'm not sure what you think social services have the power to do in this situation?

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What country are you in? It is in the UK

and I just assumed social services would be able to look into the GF’s family regularly to make sure he is there and being looked after- not a reversal method but at least some extra support to know DS is safe

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 08:34

Mamasharp97 · 15/10/2023 08:29

What country are you in? It is in the UK

and I just assumed social services would be able to look into the GF’s family regularly to make sure he is there and being looked after- not a reversal method but at least some extra support to know DS is safe

Show quote history

It's not.
I work alongside police child protection unit all the time: if 'statutory rape' was an offence in the uk I would hear police using it, which they don't. It's an American term for a specific offence which obviously exists here but is termed differently and also approached differently depending on the age/s of the children involved.

As to whether social services could or would visit him at the girlfriend's house - that's possible, and I would say they should be doing that as part of an assessment. It would need consent on the part of the girlfriend's parents to 'look into' them however.

13 year old running away/leaving home
Mamasharp97 · 15/10/2023 08:58

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 08:34

It's not.
I work alongside police child protection unit all the time: if 'statutory rape' was an offence in the uk I would hear police using it, which they don't. It's an American term for a specific offence which obviously exists here but is termed differently and also approached differently depending on the age/s of the children involved.

As to whether social services could or would visit him at the girlfriend's house - that's possible, and I would say they should be doing that as part of an assessment. It would need consent on the part of the girlfriend's parents to 'look into' them however.

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That’s really interesting- at our school, students who engage is underage/of age talks have talks with police about statutory rape and get some time to see if they have become radicalised. I assumed that was common practise? obviously that’s different to being arrested but I assumed some kind of legality was involved or they wouldn’t get involved. We are in Suffolk.

why do they need consent from the parent? Is it because they don’t actually think the child is at risk? And as a person who works along side child protection I’m interested to hear your stance on this situation.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 09:03

Mamasharp97 · 15/10/2023 08:58

That’s really interesting- at our school, students who engage is underage/of age talks have talks with police about statutory rape and get some time to see if they have become radicalised. I assumed that was common practise? obviously that’s different to being arrested but I assumed some kind of legality was involved or they wouldn’t get involved. We are in Suffolk.

why do they need consent from the parent? Is it because they don’t actually think the child is at risk? And as a person who works along side child protection I’m interested to hear your stance on this situation.

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If police are using that term they shouldn't be it's probably because that's something teens are familiar with from popular culture.
Children's services can screen a family without consent but unless the threshold is met for section 47 they cannot share that information even with the assessment teams without consent. They cannot visit a family without consent or request information from other agencies. All involvement with social services requires consent outside of the very highest of risk scenarios in which case police would be working alongside in order to use their immediate powers of protection.

LuisVitton · 15/10/2023 09:11

Surely the 'foster' parent needs a DBs check.

LuisVitton · 15/10/2023 09:13

I would make sure he is given no money for anything. Idea being there is no benefit for the GF and her DM in having him.
As he is only 13 there is time for this to play out and him to realise the best thing is to get to school and plan a decent future. Meanwhile I would leave him, say for a couple of months.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 09:23

LuisVitton · 15/10/2023 09:11

Surely the 'foster' parent needs a DBs check.

Once the child has lived there for 28 days they do become subject to private fostering regulations but the other parent still needs to consent to any checks.

TheChristianArab · 15/10/2023 09:28

Soontobe60 · 13/10/2023 17:12

This is a safeguarding concern. Its classed as private fostering.
*A Private Fostering arrangement is essentially one that is made without the involvement of a Local Authority for the care of a child under the age of 16 (under 18 if disabled) by someone other than a parent or close relative for 28 days or more for these purposes a close relative is defined as a grandparent, brother, sister, uncle or aunt (whether of the full blood or half blood or by marriage or civil partnership) or step-parent"). Privately fostered children are a diverse and sometimes vulnerable group which includes:

  • Children sent from abroad to stay with another family, usually to improve their educational opportunities;
  • Asylum-seeking and refugee children;
  • Teenagers who, having broken ties with their parents, are staying in short–term arrangements with friends or other non-relatives (sometimes called 'sofa surfas');
  • Language students living with host families.
Under the Children Act 1989, private foster carers and those with Parental Responsibility are required to notify the local authority of their intention to privately foster or to have a child privately fostered, or where a child is privately fostered in an emergency. Teachers, health and other professionals should notify the local authority of a private fostering arrangement that comes to their attention, where they are not satisfied that the arrangement has been or will be notified. It is the duty of every local authority to ensure the welfare of the children who are privately fostered within their area is being satisfactorily safeguarded and promoted. The local authority must also arrange to visit privately fostered children at regular intervals. All arrangements and regulations in relation to Private Fostering are set out in the Children (Private Arrangements for Fostering) Regulations 2005. Children should be given the contact details of the social worker who will be visiting them while they are being privately fostered*

The information you posted states 28 days or more. I'm not minimising what has happened at all by the way. Likely they have been there and seen he is safe and will wait a little longer before doing anything.

I would trying contacting the local authorities again and see of you can speak to someone higher up. Its definitely a safeguarding issue
Has he been going to school OP? I would also speak to the school. They may have some leverage.

itsgettingweird · 15/10/2023 09:33

How they can deem the relationship consensual?

He's a vulnerable disabled 13yo boy.

She's 16 and above the age of consent.

I even think where the parents of over 16's are facilitating under age sex they should also be facing criminal charges. Especially where the victim is a vulnerable child.

BCCoach · 15/10/2023 09:40

Mamasharp97 · 14/10/2023 16:03

Is it worth mentioning statutory rape to SS and Police? Because your son is significantly younger than his pregnant gf

You can certainly mention it but as a. there is no such offence as statutory rape in the U.K. and b. females cannot rape males under U.K. law, they won’t pay any attention.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 09:53

BCCoach · 15/10/2023 09:40

You can certainly mention it but as a. there is no such offence as statutory rape in the U.K. and b. females cannot rape males under U.K. law, they won’t pay any attention.

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Furthermore the idea that social workers/police haven't realised this is inappropriate/illegal and need the magic words 'statutory rape' to be mentioned is just insulting

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 09:55

itsgettingweird · 15/10/2023 09:33

How they can deem the relationship consensual?

He's a vulnerable disabled 13yo boy.

She's 16 and above the age of consent.

I even think where the parents of over 16's are facilitating under age sex they should also be facing criminal charges. Especially where the victim is a vulnerable child.

Who is 'they'?
its been explained so many times on this thread that police are unlikely to arrest the girlfriend because a) she's also a young person and b) the victim hasn't made a complaint. Police don't waste their time arresting people where there is zero chance of prosecution. It's also been explained that social services have no power to step in and prevent this from continuing. None at all.

WandaWonder · 15/10/2023 09:58

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 14/10/2023 18:46

Statutory rape absolutely is a crime in England & Wales: it is gob-smacking that someone who claims to be a social work manager does not know this. Statutory rape is penetrative sex whereby a criminal offence occurs, regardless of whether the sexual partner consents. Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, this includes any of the following:

  • Rape of a child under 13
  • Assault by penetration of a child under 13
  • Sexual assault of a child under 13
  • Inciting or causing a person to engage in sexual activity with a child under 13
  • Child sexual offences involving children under 16
  • Children under 18 having sexual relations with persons in a position of trust
  • Children under 18 involved with family members over 18
  • Persons with a mental disorder impeding choice
  • Persons with a mental disorder who are induced threatened or deceived

Strictly speaking, in this case, it isn't rape because rape can only be committed by a male under E&W law. However, both sexes can be guilty of a sexual offence, with the same penalties.

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Not sure where you got this but I don't think it works that way in the uk

prh47bridge · 15/10/2023 10:08

As others have said, there is no offence of statutory rape in the UK. The nearest we get is rape of a child under 13. This offence requires the accused to be in possession of a penis and is rape even if the child consents.

Once the child is 13, it is only rape if the child does not consent. If they do consent, the offence is sexual activity with a child. Unlike rape, this offence does not require the accused to have a penis.

The boy in this case does not appear to have committed an offence. If he is the father of the girl's child, she has committed an offence. However, the authorities aren't keen on criminalising teenagers engaging in consensual sexual relationships. Given the closeness of their ages, assuming the boy consented, it is unlikely she would be prosecuted.

itsgettingweird · 15/10/2023 10:24

Who is 'they'?
its been explained so many times on this thread that police are unlikely to arrest the girlfriend because a) she's also a young person and b) the victim hasn't made a complaint. Police don't waste their time arresting people where there is zero chance of prosecution. It's also been explained that social services have no power to step in and prevent this from continuing. None at all.

So for me the "they" is the people who make the law and rules about who can step in and prevention.

Social services should be able to step in and protect this vulnerable child.

Stories like this make me so worried. How can it be allowed to let a vulnerable young man be exploited this like this. We are meant to be a decent country.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 10:30

Social services should be able to step in and protect this vulnerable child

step in how?
removing a child from the place they are living requires a court order , in the absence of parents taking action. If the parents can't 'step in and protect' him what role do you think a government agency should have? I genuinely don't see what people think social services should be able to do in this situation. Even the police, who could remove the child if they felt it met the threshold to do so, wouldn't do it, so what do you think a social worker could or should do to protect him?
people are very quick to look to agencies to act where the parents haven't. If this was my child I'd be moving heaven and earth to persuade him to come home. I wouldn't be looking to agencies to do that.

OverCCCs · 15/10/2023 12:46

This doesn’t solve the core problem, but your DSis should insist on a paternity test. 13 (or possibly 12 when the baby was conceived?) is extremely young to be capable of fathering a child. As in, Wikipedia “List of world’s youngest fathers” page-worthy.

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